My Best Friend

I look up at the stars and the moon which seems to be 10 times bigger and brighter than from my bed’s window.

The cold night breeze hit my face and I hear plants gently rustling in the wind as I pass through them , I smell a delightful mix of frangrance from all the different flowers ,i sit down gazing over the midnight star and it steals every thought from my mind

I hear footsteps approaching, I know who it is before I even turn around to face her

“you seem to be enjoying the view”

My psychiatric, Aisha says handing me a cup of coffee and sits besides me

“how are you feeling today kareem?”

“I’m alright .. thank you “

I feel her eyes on me , I meet with a concerned look when I turn around to face her , she’s wearing her favourite blue hijab again the one she was wearing on the first day we met 3 months ago , I remember the day I walked in her office with my parents

she asked me the same question and I answered her through tears

“I just want to die I cant live with myself anymore knowing that Ameer is dead because of me”

“ Ameer seems to be an important friend to you” she says

i nod failing to speak as i feel a clump on my throat

“ take your time kareem, you can tell me when your ready there’s no need to force yourself.

I nod again, she shows me my room and i say goodbye to my parents ,I sleep on the bed holding a photo of Ameer and I, in the picture Ameer kept his hand over my shoulder both of us smiling out widest grin. i remember that’s the day we ran away from our classes because our favourite band was going to be performing, although we ended up being punished the next day at school and later grounded at home ,we promised to go back again if the band ever came back.

kareem , kareem ... wake Up I hear someone calling me , I wake up panting finding Dr. Aisha there .. it seems I had the accident nightmare again

I haven’t slept peacefully ever since the accident ... she gives sleeping tablets and I fall asleep right away

From then on I was admitted to the hospital , always having my sessions with Dr.Aisha most of the time in her office but sometimes we walk outside at the park

“Ameer was always a storyteller “ I tell Aisha one day while sitting on the park

“ He was always happy and cheerful , he made everyone around him laugh ,we were friends out whole life and did everything together , we even applied to work at the same company ,after being accepted we decided to go on a trip to ‘enjoy our freedom for the last time’ he always said that when we start working we won’t be so free anymore

we spend the day hiking on the southern slopes of Mt.Meru surrounded by spectacular scenery

we found a park to sit on and eat lunch while talking , our conversation flowing in and out back and forth from laughter to seriousness and everything in between

it was already nightfall by the time we were driving back home and it suddenly started raining heavily

Ameer asks for like the 5th “ why don’t we just sleep here tonight ?”

“Id rather just sleep at home it’s not very far from home anyway and besides it isn’t raining that heavily .. you know I’m rather sensitive about where I sleep”

“yes yes I know, your majesty” he says teasingly

we had to cross the highway to get back to our house and Ameer was talking about one of his grumpy customer while we got behind a lorry that was carrying a load of bricks , I was listening attentively to the story when we both heard a loud snap and saw the bricks from the truck infront begin to fall off the truck, some rolled off to the sides causing cars on the other side of the road to swerve and avoid them,

Ameer was trying to change lanes and suddenly a speedy car appeared in the front and Ameer loses control of the wheel and instictively I shout Ameeeer!!! and reach out to grab the wheel but it was too late like a scene in a movie that I couldn’t stop I saw the car coming straight through our windshield and I hear Ameer screaming, the sound of glass breaking and breaks screaming all around us, I look toward Ameer but I can’t see him and the drivers door is open and suddenly everything went black as I lost consciousness

When I regained conscious, I was in the hospital bed covered in bandages and I’m told that Ameer had flown out of the car straight into the rail and died instantly .

Aisha hugs me while I sob gently, she let me cry silently and for a long time

“if only I listened to him and agree to sleep there for a night he would still be alive now” I say to her

“maybe” she says while handing me a handkerchief to wipe my tears , I look up at her confused by her answer then she places her hand on mine

“Maybe he would still be alive if you listened to him but you can’t change what happened amd I’m sure he’d love to see you happy, he wouldn’t want you to live your life blaming yourself forever”

They say I’m a lot better these days so they allow me to eat at the cafeteria where I’ve met two friends Ahmed and Khalid, I decided to join art classes to keep myself busy and I feel lighter talking about Ameer these days

its Ameers 25th birthday today, I bought a cake to celebrate and as I sit in the garden I think about our childhood, the way we used to climb the guava tree in the backyard of his fathers house , we would always sit across from each other on a high branch eating guavas while talking, giggling and laughing

I lay down on the grass looking up at the starry night realizing for the first time in a while i am smiling

“Happy birthday my best friend , I wish you were celebratig your birthday with me right now but I know your somewhere better

youll always be in my memory

I miss you .”