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Fiction Funny

Ethel sighed. The check-in line was moving at a glacial pace and she was getting more and more nervous. She had only agreed to fly because her niece Meghan had implored her to come to her graduation.

“Auntie Ethel, please. You know it will be the first time Mom and Dad are in the same room since the divorce and the bimbo is coming too. Dad insisted on bringing her. I need an adult in the room.”

Ethel hated to see her poor niece caught in the middle of all the drama. A shrill ringing interrupted her reverie. She glared around, muttering under her breath about cell phones and the downfall of civilization until she realized that the sound was coming from her own purse. Embarrassed, she scrabbled in her bag. By the time she found the phone, it had stopped ringing. A text appeared. Peering through her bifocals she read: R u otw? Lmk eta, luv, sys, Meg.

Ethel frowned in bewilderment, but before she could puzzle out the message, the attendant called her forward. Taking a deep breath, she put the phone away and stepped up to the counter. After boarding, a handsome young man kindly put her bag in the overhead compartment before sitting next to her. Ethel white-knuckled the take off and ordered wine as soon as the drinks were served. After a large sip, she glanced at her neighbor. He did not look judgmental.

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Could you translate this for me? I am afraid that my niece is in trouble or that that she was kidnapped by aliens and forced to write this.”

He looked at the phone and laughed.

“She’s just wondering when you arrive.”

“Ah, yes. She’s picking me up at the airport. Can I text her back? I don’t want to confuse the pilot.”

“I think you’re safe to do that,” he said.

“You tell her we’re on time in your language,” Ethel said, handing him the phone and watching in awe as his thumbs flew across the screen. “I am going to drink my wine. I have a feeling this is going to be a very long weekend in every way.”

She was pleasantly mellow by the time they arrived and hardly noticed the landing. The young man carried her bag off the plane and courteously shook hands as they parted.

“At least chivalry is not entirely dead,” Ethel said to herself as she scanned the hall for Meghan. Meghan was petite, which did not make her easy to pick out in a crowd, and Ethel had forgotten to ask her what color her hair was this month.

“Oof,” she said as a small brunette cannoned into her and latched her into a bearhug.

“Auntie Ethel, I’m so glad you’re here,” Meghan said, half-laughing, half-crying. “Mom is acting really weird, and I’m dreading seeing the bimbo and Dad…”

“Whoa,” said Ethel, gently disentangling herself. “Deep breath. Tell me about it on the way home.”

“Dad’s been a total stereotypical midlife moron, running off with this Angie... excuse me, I’m supposed to address her as Angelique...who is five years older than me and has gold-digger written all over her…hey, don’t cut me off, assh…I mean, idiot…”

“On second thoughts, tell me about it when we get to the house,” Ethel said, gripping her seat in alarm as Meghan zipped through rush hour traffic on the freeway, talking a mile a minute.

Ethel leapt out of the car almost before Meghan stopped in the driveway and hurried into the house, anxiously looking for Gina, half-afraid that she would find her sister curled up in a fetal position or covered in tattoos.

“Hi, sis,” Gina called from the kitchen. “Come on back. Let me just get the casserole out of the oven and we can have a glass of wine. Meghan, take your aunt’s suitcase up to her room, please.”

They embraced warmly and stood back to look at each other.

“I appreciate you coming, given how you feel about flying,” Gina said.

She looked down at her bare ring finger.

“I’m over the worst of it, but it’s been hard for Meghan. She was used to being the apple of her dad’s eye and now she’s on the sidelines. The trophy wife isn’t too keen on having her around.”

When they sat down for dinner, Ethel scrutinized her sister. Something was different, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was.

“Meghan sounded worried about you,” she said. “But I’m not sure why. You look good. Wait ...you’ve lost weight and got a new hairstyle. It suits you.”

“And she’s going to the gym three times a week and taken up yoga. I told you she was acting weird,” Meghan said.

“Is nobody going to say it?” Gina said as she passed the plates. “I was overweight, depressed and frumpy before. It was not attractive.”

“Did you do all this to get Dad’s attention? Too little too late, if you ask me. Maybe he wouldn’t have left if you hadn’t let yourself go,” Meghan said, wiping a tear.

“Meghan! Don’t talk to your mother like that,” Ethel said, aghast.

“Don’t worry, Ethel. Hurt people hurt people. Meghan’s an innocent bystander in all this,” Gina said. “Changing my appearance wouldn’t have made any difference. He hardly ever noticed me and when he did, it just reminded him that we’re middle-aged, which terrifies him.”

“You’re being very zen about the whole thing,” said Ethel. “I’m impressed.”

Gina laughed.

“Don’t be. I was so hurt and humiliated at first that I was ready to do something crazy. I was hanging around their house, practically stalking them. I’d go places where I knew they’d be and watch them from a distance. I’d call the house and hang up.”

“Mom!” said Meghan, looking at her mother in alarm.

 “It was the shrimp incident that scared me straight.”

Ethel and Meghan looked at each other.

“Out of the blue, Jerry bought himself a brand-new, bright red BMW sports car, which should have been my first clue,” Gina said.

“Told you he was a stereotypical moron,” Meghan muttered.

“After he moved out, Meghan was off at college, and I was here alone, feeling sorry for myself. I don’t know what came over me one night. Suddenly I remembered that I had a bag of shrimp in the freezer. I put on dark clothes and drove over to their place in the wee hours. I parked a street away and sneaked up, carrying the shrimp. The car was usually in the driveway. I mean, what’s the point of a status symbol if you hide it in the garage? I was ready to smash a window if I had to, but he’d left the top down. So, I tucked shrimp here, there and everywhere and hightailed it out of there.”

Ethel and Meghan stared at Gina as if she had grown an extra head. Then Ethel began to laugh.

“For the record, as the big sister, I do not condone that at all. But it’s funny.”

“You’re badass, Mom,” Megan said, giggling. “Now that I think about it, he hasn’t driven that car for ages.”

“The weather was hot at the time,” Gina said. “He probably never got the stink out. When I returned home, I had a large drink and laughed like a hyena. It felt so good. But then I felt sick. What if I’d grabbed a knife instead of the shrimp? Slashed his tires or done something worse? I knew I needed help. I found a therapist and gradually started turning things around for my own mental and physical well-being, not to attract him or anyone else. I’d forgotten who I was. You don’t have to worry, Meghan. I seem different to you because I don’t think you’ve ever seen me as my real self.”

Meghan jumped up and hugged her mother.

“I’m sorry I judged you. Everything’s just been so messed up lately.”

Ethel yawned.

“Sorry, folks, but it’s been a long day, and we have an early start tomorrow. Let’s turn in. I don’t want to fall asleep during your graduation ceremony.”

The weather was perfect the next day, and the ceremonies went off without a hitch. Ethel felt a knot of apprehension in her stomach as Jerry and Angelique approached afterwards, but Gina smiled civilly.

“Hello, Ethel,” Jerry said awkwardly. “Long time no see. Allow me to introduce my wife, Angelique.”

Angelique had a willowy figure and high cheek bones. Large diamond earrings which matched her wedding ring glinted in the sunlight as she tucked a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear.

“Pleased to meet you,” she said in a husky voice.

“Hey, guys! Are we ready to go eat? I’m starving.”

Meghan rushed up to them, radiant, the tassel of her cap bouncing. She seemed to have forgotten any grudges for the moment and there were hugs all around.

“Meet you guys at the restaurant,” Angelique said. “The Blue Diamond. Meghan, do you want to ride with us?”

“Sure,” said Meghan. “Daddy, did you come in the BMW? It’s such a cool car.’

“Uh, no, it’s in the shop,” Jerry said, abruptly turning away. “Come on. The reservation is in twenty minutes.”

Meghan looked back and winked as she left with her father. Ethel and Gina dissolved into snorts of laughter as soon as they were alone.

The Blue Diamond was a restaurant located in one of the most exclusive hotels in the city.

“My goodness. So this is how the other half lives,” Ethel murmured as they entered.

“She’s keeping up appearances,” Gina whispered. “But I need your help. Please distract Angelique at the end of the meal. I must speak to Jerry privately for a moment.”

Ethel looked at her warily. Gina patted her on the hand and smiled.

“Don’t worry. No shrimp."

The meal was excellent, and the time passed pleasantly. Meghan began to fidget.

“Thank you so much. This has been wonderful. I don’t want to be rude, but er, would you mind…it’s just that some of my friends are meeting up and…”

“You’ve been very patient with the old-timers,” Ethel said. “Go and have fun with your friends now. We’ll see you later. Angelique, would you please advise me? I’ve heard they sell some beautiful, handcrafted jewelry in the hotel gift shop and I’d like to get something for Meghan. I can tell that you have excellent taste.”

“Why, of course,” Angelique said. “I’d love to help. Excuse us for a few minutes, Jerry.”

They browsed through the gift shop, finally choosing a pair of earrings. Angelique suddenly glanced at her watch.

“My goodness, we’d better get back. Jerry will be wondering where we are.”

They hurried back to the lobby where Gina and Jerry were waiting. Angelique looked at her husband and frowned.

“Are you feeling okay, Jerry? You don’t look well.”

Jerry did indeed look pale and distracted. He muttered something unintelligible and brushed her off.

“Too much excitement today,” Gina said. “I’ve been telling him to go home and lie down. We should be proud of our daughter, Jerry. She’s turned out well. Goodbye.”

She walked off to the car with Ethel trailing behind her.

“What was all that about?” said Ethel as she was putting on her seat-belt.

“Remember I mentioned my stalking phase? Not my proudest moment, but I did acquire certain tracking skills. I found out recently that Ms. Angelique’s next conquest is already underway. He’s a tech guy, years younger than Jerry and much richer. I told Jerry as a courtesy, so that he didn’t have to find out he was about to be dumped through the grapevine as I did.”

She looked at Ethel and smiled mischievously.

“A fitting end to a wonderful weekend, don’t you think?”


July 18, 2024 21:47

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3 comments

12:53 Oct 26, 2024

Good description of the angst caused by infidelity & the effects on others. Humor woven in & a delightful ending.

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Mary Bendickson
21:44 Jul 19, 2024

What goes around comes around.

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22:15 Jul 19, 2024

I like to think so!

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