What Not to Do on a First Date

   What Not to Do on a First Date

Suzanne Marsh

Nervous is the operative word here, fifteen years of not dating and here I was going out on a date. I had been preparing myself for this since last Saturday, tomorrow was the day. What were we going to talk about? I was eight years his senior what common ground did we have? I was in the middle of an ugly divorce, and dating was the last thing on my mind. He was so handsome, with blond hair, blue eyes, nice build, what more could I ask for? I had an hour before I had to leave home to drive to his home, I was driving. I had no idea where we were going or how to dress. What if I chose the wrong thing to wear? He would think I was an idiot so worse. I decided to wear jeans, boots and a nice pale blue sweater. I grabbed my winter jacket and began my journey. I thought about the last date I had been on, and what disaster that had been, I was supposed to go out with a guy, he had two boys and was looking for a wife, but I did not fit that criteria, I had three daughters, I was not looking for male companionship, or so I thought.

I arrived at Earl’s house, at the time I drove a Pinto station wagon. I pulled into the driveway and almost got stuck, the car slid. Country roads are notorious for things like that most are dirt roads, at least they were when we began dating. I got out of the car and slid my way to the door. I hit the door hard attempting to stay upright. Earl grabbed my arm to stop me, some first date this was going to be. He asked me if I liked pizza, yes it was and still is one of my favorite foods. He pulled on his winter jacket, and back out the door we went. Pinto station wagons were light, I kept spinning the tires, and Earl hoped he would not have to go to the barn to get a bobcat to pull me out. It would make us late for dinner. I thought we were going to a pizza joint in town wrong. He wanted to go to Batavia which is about forty-five minutes from Albion. The roads were icy, and then it began to snow I am not inept at driving in the snow but I hated it.

I began by going down Route 98 I could have gone the back way but the roads were not that great, especially if the snow plows had been out, which usually left a coating of ice on the road. Route 98 was better or so I thought at the time. Earl sat quietly as I drove, I finally got up the nerve to ask him where we were going. He told me Pontillo’s, had good pizza, I had eaten there before. I knew where I was going until I missed my turn. The pizzeria is on Main Street the parking lot is off of a side street. I have always considered myself a good driver, sometimes a little impatient. The first words out of my mouth: “Oh shit, I missed my turn!” Earl told me to go around the block, and then come back. I did but the damn Pinto station wagon slid by the entrance. Man was I on a roll for mistakes that night.

After several more tries, I did manage to get into the parking lot, hurrah! We had talked about going to a movie after dinner, 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin. I needed a good laugh or so I thought. I waited for Earl to open the door for me, actually, I hoped he would help keep me upright, which he did. We made it inside the pizzeria, it was wonderful and warm in there. The smell of fresh pizza dough mingled with Buffalo Wings. I hoped I would not salivate all over but I was hungry. The waitress showed us to a nice table near a window, I should have realized that if I saw frost on the inside of the window, the window was not sealed well. It wasn’t that my hands felt like icicles.

I couldn’t complain after this was our first date.

We ordered pizza, wings, and orange soda pop for me and Earl had ginger ale. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed, it had after all been fifteen years, I was thirty years old, and I had to get a grip before I did something horrible. I did do some horrible I spilled an entire large glass of orange soda on Earl’s lap. He jumped up from the table as soda rushed out of the cup, ice flying in several directions. What a mess I created! The waitress came over with paper towels and napkins, I stood there watching thinking this was some sort of surreal test to see how badly I could screw up a first date. Earl, his jeans all wet and sticky from the soda, must have thought I was a klutz or worse. The rest of the meal I stumbled and mumbled through, I was so embarrassed, that I could not think of anything to say.

To make matters more embarrassing instead of bringing me another glass like the one I spilled she brought me a glass with a lid a straw, as if to say: ‘Let’s see you spill that!’ Given a little longer I might have, but we were going to the movies. I drove over to the mall and parked with no problems, I hoped I was calming down enough to seem as if I had two brain cells to rub together. Earl bought the tickets while I went and purchased popcorn. We spent the next hour and a half laughing at the antics in the movie. That was our first date but not our last, Earl and I have been married for forty-two wonderful years.