THE ELUSIVE HINGES

The SoCo Brewery and Taphouse could be found in the small

downtown on South Concho Avenue.

During its five-year run, Mike stopped there to wet his whistle

with a few pints twice each week. In the course of doing so, he met

and thus acquired, many good friends.

Mike learned of the small craft beer tavern by happenstance. It

was previously an artistic women’s boutique. One day while driving

by he spotted an old, decorated door on display just outside the

front door of the boutique. Mike pulled his car over to inspect the

hinges. The rare old door hinges were exactly what he had been

looking for over the last few months.

Mike approached the owner and inquired about the hinges.

“Well, I don’t give a hoot about the hinges,” she responded with a

laugh.

A trade was agreed upon on one condition. Mike would have to

arrange for the removal of the hinges. He happily gave the owner a

five-dollar bill and he was on his way.

When Mike finally returned one month later with screwdrivers in

hand, the boutique was gone!

Gone!

It was now the SoCo Taphouse.

He entered and inquired about the door and its hinges.

The bartender and owner could offer no help!

The precious hinges had slipped through his fingers!

A man sat by himself at the bar.

“I would like to try one of the stout beers, please,” Mike

announced. “I might as well have a beer while I’m here.”

He settled his weary buttocks on the barstool next to the man.

“You can try a sample first to see if you like it,” Mickey said to

Mike.

He did try it and he did like it.

Mickey became Mike’s first good friend of the many more that he

would make over the next five years at the SoCo Taphouse.

Five years passed.

The simple SoCo Taphouse was to become a family of friends. No

children, of course, but an extended family nonetheless.

“This is the SoCo fifth year anniversary,” Mickey said. “To mark

this milestone, they decided to have two contests on New Year’s

Eve. One is for best beard and the other for the ugliest sweater. The

prize for each is one hundred dollars!”

Mike wore no beard.

The ugliest sweater contest intrigued him. He had never

witnessed such an event and he now looked forward to the

challenge.

“Mickey, where does one go to buy an ugly sweater?” Mike asked

anxiously.

“How the hell do I know! I only wear flannel shirts in the winter.

Why don’t you go to WalMart?” Mickey suggested.

A few days passed before Mike found himself looking at sweaters

at WalMart. None of the sweaters were ugly, including the

Christmas sweaters. Actually, they were all quite handsome!

It was the same story at J.C. Penney.

On the following week at SoCo Taphouse, Mike approached

Mickey with his dilemma.

“How the hell should I know?” Mickey responded with a laugh. “I

have never seen an ugly sweater contest.”

If a contest for the best mustache had been included, Mickey

would have been a serious contender.

“I think I’m gonna just put together my own ugly sweater,” Mike

offered. “I’ll just have to be creative.”

         “Oh, brother,” Mickey replied with another laugh and a shake

of his head.

         Mike was very eager for this challenge.

         He put together some unbreakable Christmas ornaments and

hooks. He obtained a Santa hat from the dollar store, as well as

green and red ribbon. In another store, he acquired two metal

jingling balls and green socks. The Goodwill Store was his

destination for the actual ugly sweater. There were a few that

would work, but they were too small. He wanted a light-colored

mesh sweater so the assorted ornaments could be seen and hung

or easily tied. The worn red gym shorts would work well. No room

for any shirt! No room for anything else.

         On New Year’s Eve Mike chose to get dressed in a dark alley of

the small strip mall that housed SoCo Taphouse. Best not to drive in

costume, he thought.

         Mike opened the box of assorted ornaments and donned the

Santa hat. He removed his t-shirt and tied the green & red ribbons

around his arms and neck. He tied many of the short ribbons onto

the mesh.  The two jingling metal balls were hung from his belt just

below his belly button. Then finally he reached for the sweater. He

had never looked very closely at the ugly mesh sweater because he

was really happy with the mesh, and it was the right size. As he put

it on his bare back and started buttoning, he realized that

something was radically wrong. The bottom of the woman’s sweater

didn’t even come close to his belly button!

         “What kind of an ugly sweater is this?” he said to no one in the

dark byway.

         It was too late for any modifications.

         Could he muster up the nerve to walk into the SoCo Taphouse

dressed like this?

Yes, he could! He had to! After all, it was all about having fun. One

great thing his parents had taught him was the ability to laugh at

himself. But this still could be trying!

         Mike was mortified as he entered the taphouse that was filled

with people. As he began his walk to the end of the bar in a nimble

fashion, comments just flowed out.

         “Get a load of this!”

         “Oh man, look at him!”

         “Now I’ve seen everything!”

         It was a fleeting, sinking range of movement as Mike made his

way to the security of his circle of friends.

         It took courage!

         As he reached his buddies, they broke into laughter.

         “Oh my gosh!’’ Pam said with a laugh.

         “You’ve got to be kidding!” Darren burst out. “Oh, my golly! You

look like a …,” as he laughed.

         The voting jars were placed in the middle of the bar an hour

later. One was for best beard and the other for the ugliest sweater.

Blank white papers and pencils lay in front of the jars for voting.

Voting would now commence and terminate in an hour.

Mike gradually became comfortable and at ease in his skin, much

of which was exposed. As he glanced around the bar he spotted his

most formidable competitor. The tall young man had been sizing

Mike up just as Mike had been sizing him up. His sweater outfit was

great!

“Who is that tall guy at the other end of the bar?” Mike inquired

of Mickey.

“I don’t know. I have never seen him before,” was the response.

 Mike rotated to face his sidekicks.

John just broke into laughter.

“Mike, you are absolutely iniquitous. I love it!” John managed to

get out.

“Does anyone know the big, tall fellow at the other end of the

bar?” Mike asked. “He’s evasive. He was there just a minute ago.”

All looked, and all shook their heads from left to right.

The ugly sweater contest votes were counted first and out loud!

The bar-room was now quiet. Everyone realized the vote would be

close.

The bartender announced that it was a dead heat, but there was

still one more vote in the jar!

A drum roll would have been appropriate, but there was no drum!

The bartender reached into the jar to pull out the deciding vote . . .

“Mike!” he announced in a loud, booming voice! “Come get your

big prize!”

Cheers and claps followed.

A few minutes later, the tall dark stranger approached Mike.

He simply spoke one line.

“I didn’t know you have to dress up in drag to win the ugly

sweater contest!”

Mike was surprised to hear this remark but just laughed.

It was five, fun-filled years and it was all because Mike spent five

dollars to buy door hinges that slipped through his fingers.

Mike lost the five-dollar bill and his hinges.

But, that five-dollar bill and those hinges brought his life so very,

very much more!