The Misfit’s Diary

Dear Diary:

You were sitting in the middle of the kitchen table when I came down for breakfast. You had a pretty blue flowered cover with a ballerina on the front. Mom said she bought me a diary for my tenth birthday because I had a lot to say and it was time to put my words on paper.

Mom made me blueberry pancakes for my birthday breakfast and said that after school we would go to a movie together and then have dinner out. I didn’t ask if my dad was coming. I knew the answer already.

Mom picked me up after school and we saw “Back to the Future” at the cineplex. Afterward, we went to Santino‘s for pizza. Mom also gave me a beautiful red sweater and a necklace with the letter “C” for Cassie. I told her my gifts were the nicest ever. Better even than the purple bike with the banana seat Amy Brennan got for her birthday.

We had cake and ice cream at home and then Mom let me cuddle in bed with her even though I am way, way, way, too old for that.

It was the funnest birthday ever. I didn’t even care that is was just Mom and me. She had told me I could bring a friend. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I had no friends.

Dear Diary:

I hate, hate, hate middle school!

I am used to Amy Brennan and her friends picking on me. They have laughed at me since I moved here in third grade. They snicker at my hair and my clothes. They laugh at the awkward way I run in gym class. And at the way I pepper the teachers with questions if it’s a subject I like like English or History, but cower in the back during Math class like a little mouse.

Today was the last straw.

We were waiting outside for our parents after school when my mom pulled up in her battered old Chevy Malibu.

Scott Runyon started it by saying my mom’s car was a bucket of bolts. Then Amy chimed in and said it looked like she got her car from the city dump.

That just set me off. They could tease and bully me all they wanted. My mom was off limits.

So I reached out and slapped Amy Brennan right on the side of her pink cheeked, dimpled face.

She grabbed her cheek as if she were in extreme pain and then went on and on about how I was a horrible, mean person and how she was headed to the principal to report this abuse.

Mrs Fowler had already seen what was going on and hauled both of us inside to the office. My mom parked her car and followed us, muttering about how disappointed she was in me.

In the end, I was suspended two days. I had never been in trouble in school before and even Principal Evans expressed her shock at my behavior.

The suspension didn’t hurt nearly as much as letting my mom down. When we got home I explained what had happened. She said she appreciated me defending her but that there was no excuse for violence ever. Even when it was a person as nasty as Amy Brennan.

In addition to my school suspension, I was not allowed any TV for a week and I had extra yard work. Plus, I had to apologize to Amy. That was the worst punishment of all.

Dear Diary:

I am so sorry to have neglected you. When I went to California to stay with my dad, I left you at home. I tried writing my journal on plain tablet paper but it just wasn‘t the same.

My dad moved to California when I was twelve so I haven’t seen him much. He is an okay guy but not great at the Dad thing.

He had a two bedroom place in Santa Monica near the beach, so I did have my own room. He decorated with a frilly bedspread covered with stuffed animals. My dad apparently forgot that I’m fourteen.

We spent the first few days together and went to Disneyland, Universal Studios and other tourist stuff. Then Dad had to go back to work so I was left to my own devices. Watching soap operas alone inside the condo got old, so I wandered down to the beach.

There were lots of teenage kids on the beach of course but I had no interest in hanging out with them. I sat quietly on my towel with my nose in a book.

Then, after about a week, this gorgeous guy with long dark hair noticed me sitting there.

“Hey, bookworm. Get out of your turtle shell and join us!”

His name was Trey and he was fifteen. He introduced me to his friends, Jake, Chris and Lily. They were all goofy acting and fun. I hung out with them every day for the whole summer.

My dad didn’t really care where I went or what I did, so at night I would go back down to the beach and join Trey and his friends while they smoked pot and passed around a cheap bottle of wine. Once, when everyone else went swimming and were alone, Trey kissed me.

I did not want to go home, Diary. This was the best summer of my life. I dread starting high school and the torture that involves.

Dear Diary:

I hate my mom.

She is such a pain the a. I hate all her stupid rules. I can’t be out with the car after eleven. Unless I have play rehearsal or some other activity, I am required to be home after school. I am sixteen and she treats me like an infant.

I wish I was back in California, having sex with Trey in my room at my dad‘s apartment. I actually took my mom‘s purse when she wasn‘t looking and grabbed a credit card. I would steal it, buy a bus ticket and run away to California.

I didn‘t end up doing it. In my heart, I know Trey is only a summer thing. Mom says I am not spending any more summers out there.

God, I can’t wait to get out of this house.

Dear Diary:

I started to pack you in my suitcase as I was doing the final packing for college. I decided to let you go instead.

You have been there for me during all the highs and lows of my life. But I am eighteen and leaving home and I need to move on.

Mom came in and asked if there was anything she can help with. We have had our battles over the last few years, but I love her so much and am so thankful for everything she has sacrificed.

I handed you over to her.

“Keep her in a safe place, Mom. I might want my daughter to read her someday. When she’s old enough, I mean.”

My mom smiled at me and left me to my packing.