Dead Talks

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Dead Talks. For those who don’t know me, my name is Tod Morte. I am head of research and development for Fantasmafono, your modern-day telecommunication company for those beyond the realm. 

I assume everybody here remembers who Thomas Alva Edison was. He was born on February eleventh and October eighteenth, one hundred years ago today. Many referred to him as the Wizard of Menlo Park. He was the inventor of the light bulb, the phonograph, the electric pen, and advances of the battery. Many of his works have inspired many of the modern-day forms of communication we utilize today. The smartphones a few of you are recording my speech with have dozens of Edison-inspired technologies. 

Does anyone know what he was working on during the years prior to his death? Thomas Edison was obsessed with his own mortality and the afterlife. In the late 1920s, Edison invented the “Spirit Phone” or Spirit Box”. This was a device to talk with the dead. This was not a device for the occult or the Victorian Spiritualist movement. Edison’s intentions were genuinely scientific. He was looking for answers about the afterlife. 

As the Edison historians will tell you, this invention was purely speculative. There was no working model of a “Spirit Phone.” In fact, any mention of such a device wasn’t discovered until well after his death. The French journalist Philippe Baudouin found one of Edison’s journals in, of all places, a thrift store. Even the first publications of this journal omitted the final chapter discussing Edison’s theories on our final chapters, so to speak. 

That does not mean that Edison’s theories and his “Spirit Phone” were forgotten. A few diligent historians dedicated their life’s work to uncovering all writings of the Wizard of Menlo Park. Working with all the papers and later blueprints discovered, physicists specializing in metaphysics began to develop working models of Edison’s last invention. So, on the hundredth anniversary of Thomas Alva Edison’s death, we at Fantasmafono would like to present our version of Edison’s “Spirit Phone.”

Could you imagine a world where contacting the dead is as easy as making a phone call? Our own “Spirit Phone,” or the Fantasmafono, is our newly patented invention for making contact with the dead. This is not an electric Ouija Board. We use actual science and the latest technologies to make this possible. The proprietary technology involved in our invention is currently a secret only known to those at the Fantasmafono’s Labs. And there is no use trying to bribe any of our scientists; they have all signed NDAs with hefty fines should such agreements be broken. But we are making this technology available for public use. 

As you can imagine, the uses for such a device are numerous. It could help determine if your sweet mother left the entire of her estate to her beloved cat or if that crooked lawyer of hers devised a foolproof way to siphon her money. One could also ask for the combination to your decided roommate’s locker to get the money they owe you. The possibilities are endless. But being inspired by Edison, we were not happy with just a phone to talk with the dead. Much like his “Kinetograph,” we invented a way to view the dead as well as talk with them. Think “Zoom calls” with our ancestors. 

Viewing and speaking with the dead would be helpful in many ways. Loved ones can get closure for a sudden death or being able to say “I love you” again can help the living move on. Parents can talk with their children once more. The therapeutic applications make our device priceless. 

We at the labs wish to provide the Fantasmafono to libraries and universities at minimal costs. Historic figures could be brought to life. Just as Bill and Ted were able to bring Abraham Lincoln, Sigmund Freud, and Joan of Arc to their class to pass a history class, instructors could bring Socrates to a class on Greek philosophy. Genghis Khan could lecture about the Mongolian Empire. Ludwig van Beethoven could teach a course in classical music. Martin Luther King Junior can provide a real-life account of the American Civil Rights movement. Biblical historians could talk with Mathew, Mark, Luke, John, or even Jesus himself. History departments from around the world benefit from Fantasmafono. 

With the recent push to rewrite much of the world’s history by some politicians, Fantasmafono could be a benefit to righting such wrongs. Question and answer sessions could be conducted with plantation slaves of pre-Civil War America, prisoners of Auschwitz or Hinzert of Nazi Germany, pre-colonial Filipinos, Aztecs of Mexico or the Mallory of New Zealand. History isn’t taught to make us feel good but so we do not make the same mistakes over and over again. With the technology we are currently working on, we do not have the ability to watch past events. However, we can still learn valuable lessons from talking with those who went before us. 

I have spent several minutes discussing everything we can do with the Fantasmafono. I want to put on a little demonstration. Here, you see the Fantasmafono in all its glory. We have adapted our machine to project onto a big screen. It will take a few minutes to start up but let me give you a tour while we wait.

As you can see, the Fantasmafono resembles a laptop computer, just a bit bigger. As we work on the technology, we hope to make it more compact. The most significant difference you’ll notice is the large metal disc attached to the back. As great as our 7G technology is for the living, the dead still prefer older tech. Because of its proprietary technology, I cannot tell you the components that make up the disc. You’ll also obviously witness just how long it’s taking to boot up. We, in 2031, are used to instantaneous tech. But you have got to remember, everyone you talk to on the Fantasmafono is from the past. Some from the way past.  

All right, the screen is now glowing. It won’t be long now. At this time, it has proven challenging to call up specific individuals. With some of our recent experiments, we have had better luck, but this model is still first-generation. Getting a connection can take anywhere from a few seconds to over ten minutes. Think of it as having to go through an ethereal operator to locate someone who will talk with us, so please have patents. 

Oh wow, it looks like we found someone. That didn’t take long. Remember, we cannot ask for individuals yet, so we could have a celebrity or just an ordinary citizen. But we can hope to get Mr. Thomas Alva Edison himself. The picture is starting to come through, 

Hello, who do I have the pleasure of talking to?

“Thomas Edison was a fraud!”

Godammit, Tesla, what have I said about your use of our “Spirit Phone”?

“You did say your device can be used to correct history. I am just stating the facts.”

Thank you for your input, Nikola Tesla; now leave us.

I am so sorry for such a rude demonstration of the Fantasmafono. The art of the crank call is just as much alive today as it was in the mid-1900s. I would like to clarify that the opinions of Nikola Tesla or anyone else contacted on Fantasmafono do not reflect the company’s views. 

Thank you for attending tonight’s Dead Talks, and please consider Fantasmafono for all your afterlife connections.