Life of the Firstborn

Lida knew, always knew that she would not stay in that lifeless town she calls home for the past 18 years. She had always dreamed of moving into a better place, a bigger city where she could pursue her ambitions in life. All her life, she had to work harder than any of the other people her age. They were not rich nor poor, but her father's salary was only ever enough to feed the lot of them three times a day and the rest to pay the bills. Her mother lost her job way before she was born. Since then, she spends all her time looking after her family up to now. Whenever Lida wants something for herself, a trendy bag, new pair of shoes, or a new phone model, she had to work for it. She either cleans other people's houses, looks after her aunt’s kids, or does whatever job was available. Now at twenty-six, she is still stuck at that same four-cornered house at the same boring place.

Lida was supposed to go to college. She worked at a known fast-food chain to save for her college fund while trying to make it out of high school. Lida did graduate high school, but college? She never made it. At that time, her father's health declined, and Lida had no choice but to support them. She became the breadwinner overnight.

She used all the money she saved to pay for his hospital bills and added a few extra works to pay all the house expenses. She changed from being the girl with dreamy eyes about the future to a person who was only trying to make it through the day. She picked her dreams up, wrapped them in cloth of hopes that she will someday be able to pursue them, and put them on the farthest place on her shelf. She sometimes still thinks of her dreams whenever she hears her Aunt's snide remarks during family dinners. It used to get in her nerves, but now, she doesn't care anymore.

Aunt Blessilda, her mother's older sister, never once complimented her family. She always seems to perceive them as a bunch of pathetic beings. In her eyes, they are just weak and helpless people, never able to provide for themselves enough, therefore, not entitled to any degree of respect. Whenever there is a chance, she never fails to drag her down. She compares Lida to her child and other nieces and nephews who have successful leading careers. Lida had long ago stopped listening to her. Aunt Blessilda was just another nosy relative who can't seem to mind their own business. And she also knew that if the circumstances were different, she wouldn't be present at any of their family reunions at all. She will be out there conquering the world, not giving a darn about anything else.

"Hey, can we talk?" Lida asked her younger brother as he was washing the dishes. They just finished dinner, and she waited for their mother to go to bed before asking him.

"'Course," Dan answered. He gave her a slight look before turning his full attention to doing the dishes.

Lida hesitated. She took a deep breath, squeezed the tip of her sweater before she said," I lost my job. The restaurant's closing. I've only got three weeks to find another one."

That is one of the things she dreaded the most. There are only limited jobs offered to people like her. It's tough trying to stay in one decent job, but tougher to look for a new one. Dan looked at her, studying her expression. She doesn't know what he was thinking, and it's infuriating her in a way. Dan always knew what to do. They indeed relied on her when it comes to expenses. But when it comes to tough decision-making, Dan is always the right person to talk about anything.

"Does Mom know?" he asked, which is unusual of him. Through times like this, Dan consoles Lida almost always. Like saying, "It's okay, you'll find another one," or "Good, 'cause you know you deserve better for the work you've done for them." But this time, he asked if their mother knows, which is the last thing they wanted. They were always afraid to worry her.

"She doesn't," Lida answered with a slight shake of her head.

She watched him as he carefully put a plate back into the sink, washed his bubbled glove, and then turned to face him as he wiped both gloved hands on his apron.

"Look, I know you're used to working for us here, but let me tell this to you, we don't need you here anymore," he said bluntly.

Lida was stunned. Her eyebrows formed into a line as she looks at his younger brother with a shocked and confused expression. "What?"

"We don't need you here. Not anymore," Dan said, more clearly.

"What? I don't understand...?"

Dan walked in front of her and held both of her shoulders as if to shook her. "Look, I know you've sacrificed a lot of things to maintain the financial wellbeing of our family. You've done more than enough. You know you've done more than enough. And I will forever be grateful to you. And Mom. And Dad as well. But I think Dad will be happier to know that you haven't stayed in this household for the rest of your life. Get on with your life, Lida. I've got Mom. I think now is the perfect opportunity."

She stared at his brother as she processed what he said. Get on with her life? But they are her life!

She brushed his hands off and walked to sit on the table. "But.. but this is my life now. You are my priority. I've got to do this."

Dan followed her and tapped her side of the table. "Lida, you need to have your own life. You don't have to do this anymore. I've got three terms 'til I finish my degree. I've got a steady job now, and Mom's getting a bit from her pension. I'm sure we'll get by. Look at me, sis," he demanded, "For years, you've got us as your priority. I think, now, it's time you prioritize yourself. Wear those killer heels you want, walk out this door and make the world your runway."

Something clicked inside her mind. A memory, a distant dream she had stored away long ago and thought gone. It started to buzz again, a tiny little buzz. But before it could get even louder, she shut it off.

"No," she said, already choking on her tears. "You don't understand. I can't. I don't know how to do it. I don't know where to start."

Dan was soon on her side, hugging her. This time, he gave her the consolation she needed.

Lida seemed preoccupied the following week. Dan was eager to let her go. She always knew she has to let him stand on his feet soon, but she was never ready. They had been her life for the past eight years. Her life revolved around checks and bills and grocery lists. She never dared to walk past this line. Having the opportunity to pursue her dreams once again made her feel anxious. She's afraid of giving herself false hope once again. She was at the same spot once again. She was the same 18-year-old girl who has big dreams ahead of her. But not the same enthusiastic girl who would take any risky paths. She was afraid, this time, that she would be walking on thin ice.

The time was ticking, and she had to make her decisions. She's got two weeks to either choose another underpaying job in their town or look for a way she can study once again in a bigger city. Lida didn't quite know what to do, so she instead asked for signs.

"Oh, dear, I don't know what to do. Please, please, please, give me a sign, anything. I want a better career, but I was too afraid to give it a go. Please give me a sign."

On Friday, as Lida was taking her usual morning jog, she stopped at a playground to tie a loose shoelace. As she was tying it, a kid walked to her with something in her palm. She showed her palm in front of her.

"Wow, what's that, love," she asked the kid nicely.

"It's a four-leafed clover," the kid answer as she carefully caressed the leaf.

"Lovely," she said.

"Mom said it brings luck, so I looked for them. It's so cute, isn't it?"

"Very cute." Lida can't help but smile.

The kid laid her hand in front of her. "Here, you can have it."

Lida was stunned. "Aw, really? But why? You looked hard for it, love."

The kid gave her a toothless smile. "I think you might need it more." And with that, the kid run back to her playmates.

Lida got instant goosebumps. She instantly knew that was one of the signs she was looking for.

On Saturday night, she went camping with her brother. They were sitting around the camp fire when she told her about the kid.

"You literally asked for a sign, Lida, and the sign showed itself to you. And yet you can't quite believe it," Dan commented.

"I don't know, maybe it was just a coincidence."

Dan shook his head. "Tell you what, if we see a shooting star right now, I'm sure it's the universe trying to talk to you."

Just then, a shooting star appears into the night sky. They were both wide-eyed as they watched it.

"See? It's a sign, go for it," her brother told her.

It's incredible. Lida never experienced anything like it. She's sure now that she got the signs she was looking for. But she was still hesitant. It was only after she saw her reflection on the glass windows of a law firm that she decided she had to take the shot.