Rediscovery

Being underwater always made me feel like I was floating. My hair and my limbs guided by the ripples and spread out around me. I was always at peace under the water. With my eyes closed it’s a black void where I let go of my senses. With my eyes open it’s a wide blue expanse and if I’m lucky a fish would swim by me. 

That’s why I came to the island. I needed to get away from the hustle of the city. It was my dream to be a big city girl but when I got there I knew it wasn’t for me. I just wasn’t the kind of person who found it easy to adapt to the fast paced lifestyle. I wish I was but I’m not. A heartbreaking discovery that I had to come to terms with. 

The air in my lungs began to run out so I had to resurface. I kicked my legs so I could break through the water and took a deep breath. I pushed the hair out of my face and opened my eyes. I looked around me while I treaded the water and noticed that the sun was starting to go down already. I could’ve sworn I just got here, I thought to myself. 

I walked out of the water and onto the sand toward my towel. I sat down and stared out at the horizon. The pinks and oranges faded up into blues and purples. The clouds were wispy and the sunlight was reflecting off of them beautifully. The sky looked so perfect that I felt like I was watching a piece of art be painted right in front of me. I got lost in the clouds and my mind started to wander. I started to think about nothings. Nothings like what dogs dream about and if insects have a societal system. I then felt my eyes glaze over. At this moment I was completely transfixed. 

My trance was broken by my phone buzzing. I looked down and saw my mother’s caller ID. I sighed deeply and braced myself for the call. I love my mom but I can’t handle reassuring her a billion times. When I told her I was making my way to Hawaii to get away from all the craziness of New York City, she was not exactly happy. She began worrying about how I was going to fare and I had to convince her that I would be fine and that I didn’t need her to come down with me to watch over everything I do. This was my polite way of saying that her coming down was the last thing I wanted. This was my time to be alone.

I answered the call and I didn’t have time to say anything before my mom started to speak. “Kendra, how are you doing?” her voice frantic.

“I’m doing okay, Mom. You?”

“Well, I’m okay I guess,” she said softly. I knew my mother and I knew that’s not what she actually meant.

“Mom, for the millionth time, you do not have to be worried about me. I’m a big girl,” I answered with my routine response.

“I know. I just want to make sure you made the right decision.”

“I think I did,” I said. I don’t want to give a definitive answer just yet, I haven’t fully worked through everything yet. 

“You think?” my mom asked in that Mom Tone she was so good at using.

“Mom, please trust me on this one,” I pleaded.

“Okay, okay. You know you can come home whenever you want, right?”

“Yes, Mom. I know,” I clenched my eyes shut and prayed that soon I could go back to silence. I was going to miss the sunset and it’s always my favorite time of day.

“What are you doing, honey?”

“I was just out for a swim. Now I’m just drying off on the beach.”

“You wore sunscreen?”

“Yes, Mom. I wore sunscreen.”

“Good,” my mom says with a little relief in her voice.

“Hey, Mom. I actually have to go. I need to go pick some things up for dinner. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you, Kendra. Be safe.” I nodded despite the fact that she couldn’t see me and hung up the phone.

I looked back at the horizon and caught the tail end of the sunset. When the sky was a dark purpley blue, I gathered my things and started walking the two blocks to the little house I rented for my trip.

***

“Chicken, chicken. Where is the chicken?” I muttered to myself while I shopped at the grocery store. After I left the beach I made up a list of things for dinner and made my way here. 

My gaze was so focused on the food in front of me that I didn’t even see the person I was about to bump straight into. I smacked right into the person and almost fell flat on my butt. 

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I wasn’t looking. I-,”

“You’re fine. I wasn’t looking either,” a woman answered with a smile. Thank goodness she didn’t get defensive about the whole thing. 

“Ha, still, I’m sorry. I hope you have a good evening,” I said back awkwardly. I smiled and gave the woman a little wave before I looked back down at the cuts of meat.

“I’m Gloria,” the woman continued. I looked up, surprised, and nodded.

“Kendra,” I answered. Gloria reached out her hand for me to shake and I took it apprehensively.

“How come I’ve never seen you around town, Kendra? I’ve lived here my whole life and this is the first time I’ve seen you.”

“Oh, I’m not from here. I’m from New York.”

“I’ve always wanted to go to New York. How is it?” Gloria continued the conversation. This was so odd. Where I come from, it’s rare for two strangers to have such a friendly conversation in the middle of the grocery store. Normally people keep to themselves so this kind of interaction was a whole new experience for me. 

“Busy, but the appeal is there,” I answered politely, I hoped that Gloria was going to leave soon so I could get home and have dinner.

“Hey, what are you doing tonight?” Gloria asked. My heart dropped into my stomach the second I heard this question. Oh no, please don’t do what I think you’re about to do, Gloria. I will never be able to say no.

“I’m cooking dinner and probably just going to watch a movie,” I said back honestly, unable to lie.

“Do you want to go out to eat instead? I know such a beautiful place in town. You look like you need a local to show you around,” Gloria invited.

“Well… well I think-”

“Please, don’t say no. I want to be able to show you what it’s like on the island. I figure you’re not going to be here long and you need to see what it’s really like. I can help you out with that. Please,” Gloria pleaded

“Uh, okay. I need to get changed out of these clothes first. I just came back from the beach,” I agreed reluctantly. 

I had a feeling that Gloria wasn’t a bad person, but I was still nervous to go to a place to eat with her. Still though, how bad could it be? We are going to be in a public space. I managed to reason with myself about this decision a little bit and I started to feel better about accepting Gloria’s invitation even though I may have been strong armed into it.

“That’s not a problem. I’ll text you the address and we’ll meet after you’re ready. Does seven sound good?” I nodded in response and Gloria’s face lit up. “I will see you at the restaurant, Ms. Kendra.” Gloria and I exchanged numbers before she waved goodbye and continued shopping for whatever she needed.

As I was walking out of the grocery store, I tossed the list into a nearby trashcan and started walking to my place. All the while, I ran the different scenarios of how tonight can go. With every situation I ran through my head I go from nervous to excited. This excitement added a spring to my step and I got back to the rental sooner than I realized. 

***

I looked back down at my phone to make sure I was walking in the right direction. The closer I got to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet Gloria, I got more and more jittery. I didn’t know what to expect from my dinner with her. 

When I reached the block that the restaurant was on, I shut off my phone and put it in my pocket. I saw Gloria was standing in front of the door and she was looking around for me. She was glowing red from the light on the open sign she was positioned next to. The slight wind was blowing her hair delicately behind her. Her long floral dress was also flowing softly around her ankles. She looked so beautiful and suddenly I was very aware of my unruly curls and the plain black romper that I chose to wear. 

As I got closer, Gloria smiled at me and I returned. “Kendra, did you find the place okay?” Gloria asked while she stretched her arms out in a welcoming gesture.

“Yea, I had no problem at all.”

“Great, let’s go in shall we?” I nodded in response and Gloria opened the door and held it open for me. 

Once I walked through the threshold I was bombarded with the smells of various different diner foods. I allowed a small smile to spread on my face because it reminded me of New York City. The smile left my face as soon as it came because I remembered the reason why I was down here in the first place. I needed to forget everything about that place in order to fully move on. 

“Hi, Kim. Can we get a booth for two?” Gloria asked. 

“Of course, follow me,” Kim, the waitress, grabbed two menus and brought us to our table. Once we were seated she said, “Call me over when you’re ready to order. Just call out Kim and I’ll be here.” With that, Kim left our table to assist some of the other customers. 

I opened the menu and started browsing even though I had an idea of what I was going to order. There was a silence that hung in the air for a few minutes. It wasn’t awkward but it wasn’t the most comfortable thing either. 

“So, what brings you down to the island?” Gloria finally broke the silence.

“I’ve just always thought it was so beautiful and I needed to see what it was like for myself,” I answered with the most basic response.

“Now tell me the truth.”

“What? I just did tell you the truth,” I defended.

“No you didn’t. Your eyes shifted to the side of my head. You lied about your answer and I want to know the truth,” Gloria persisted. 

“Why do you want to know so badly?”

“Come on, Kendra. Why can’t you just answer the question? It’s a simple one.” Imagine if it was simple though. 

“I wish it was though,” I whispered to myself and looked back down on the menu.

“I knew it, I knew you were lying,” Gloria gloated.

“Yes. Yes, fine I lied. What does it matter?” 

“It matters because you have to be true to yourself and the others around you.”

“I barely know you, why would I confess something like that to you?” I questioned. I may have been willing to go out to dinner with Gloria but I couldn’t divulge all of my problems to her immediately. 

“Doesn’t that make it better?”

I didn’t get a chance to answer the question because Kim came to the table.

“Hey, ladies, is there anything I can get you?” she asked.

I barely looked at the menu but I went with my usual order, a stack of french toast. Gloria placed her order and after Kim walked away we sat in a second moment of silence. This time it was broken by me who asked what Gloria did for a living (music teacher) and where she grew up (here). The rest of the dinner was spent talking about surface level things like if I liked the island so far and how Gloria originally wanted to be a professional singer.

“Hey,” I piped up after Kim cleared the table, “are you busy after this?” 

“No I am not,” Gloria answered.

“Do you want to go to the beach with me?” 

“Sure,” Gloria beamed. She couldn’t look happier that I asked her to come with me. 

“Great.” 

Kim came back with the check and we split it (a compromise we had to make because Gloria insisted on taking the bill) then left the restaurant. 

***

“I can’t believe you didn’t know he was behind you,” I managed to get out in between giggles. 

“How was I supposed to know? The principal never leaves his office,” Gloria laughed back.

After the restaurant we took Gloria’s car to the beach. Thank goodness she had a blanket in her trunk that we were able to use to lay down on. Since we got to the beach, Gloria and I have shared embarrassing stories from our teenage years. Something about laying on the beach and staring at the stars makes people confess things.

After I finished laughing I sighed and looked at Gloria whose face was glowing in the moonlight. Her thick, black hair was spread out around her head and her eyes were bright as she studied the stars. She had a slight smile on her face and that made me smile a little as well.

“Hey, Gloria. About your question from before,” I began and her gaze landed on me. 

“What about it?”

“I came here because I was lost. I didn’t know who I was anymore in the city. I had no time for myself to figure out what I wanted in life. What hurt the most was that I was excited to go to New York and live out my dreams of being the typical big city girl. I guess I had just had a hard time getting used to it and I blame myself everyday for my failure. I came to the island because I needed time solely dedicated to rediscovering myself.”

“How do you like the island?” Gloria asked. 

“I love it.” I said out loud for the first time. I hadn’t spent too much time on how I felt on the island but after I blurted this out I just knew it was true.

“Kendra,” Gloria said after a small moment of silence.

“Yes?”

“I came up to you in the grocery store because I needed a reason to stay here,” Gloria confessed.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve lived here my whole life and as much as I love it here, I always wanted to get out. To see what the world had in store. I was scared though. Well, I grew up and got engaged to this guy. He wanted to stay on the island and I guess that was just another reason for me not to spread my wings. So, I stayed and about three months ago we broke up. I just needed to know that I made the right decision in staying on the island,” Gloria said, sniffling and wiping away a few tears. 

I grasped Gloria’s hand and said, “If I stay will you stay?”

“Of course,” Gloria nodded and squeezed my hand and I squeezed back.

We smiled at each other and let the moment linger for a little longer. Then, we turned our faces back up to the sky and studied the stars again, this time with smiles plastered on our faces.