Letting Life Catch Up

The view from the peak is something to stop and look at. 

This was her place. The spot where she always stopped to rest before descending the trail into the valley below, back to her car, her apartment, and the rest of her life.

Today she’d arrived early before the sun had peaked over the horizon in the distance, just enough light to get started. Her day ahead did not need to be rushed, she planned to sit here and enjoy a view she would normally glimpse as she made the U-turn at the top and then running back to the parking lot, always in a hurry.

The air was crisp, the monsoons were still weeks away, but it didn’t stop the heat from starting early this year. It was only June 3rd, but today would be the 10th day over 100 degrees in The Valley of The Sun. 

With every step, Christina felt the earth beneath her feet. Each pebble, rock or uneven step, today she marked each one. 

At the top of the mountain she’d climbed, the air was cool even with the sun now fully above the horizon and bearing down on her exposed shoulders. A few others were making their way to the top, soon it would be crowded and she would start back down, taking her time to take in the sights knowing it would be a while before she would be back.

For now, she sat and watched the shadows grow shorter as the sun rose higher and thought about the days behind her and the days ahead. She questioned how she would fill the empty spaces in her life, and how she would make more time for the things she dreamed of. 

She wondered how many of the climbers around her came to think about their lives the way she was now. She silently questioned their fears, hopes, and dreams. Could any of them understand hers, or she theirs? Did it matter?

The water in her thermos was cold. She imagined the water, ice blue falling down her throat and into her stomach, grateful for the chill, feeling it nourish her hot, fatigued limbs. 

Returning the thermos to its place in her backpack, Christina stood and stretched her hands to the sun, sending thanks and asking more of the heavens. A few moments of silence to cement the thoughts in the unseen energy of the universe and she turned towards the trail, it was time to go home.

“On your left,” a winded voice from behind startled her.

By the time she turned to see who needed the space to her left, the body was gone, leaving nothing but air and an increasingly blurring figure growing smaller the farther it moved away from her.

She slipped into the rhythmic pace of her feet connecting with the earth, her breathing counted by each step, the swing of her arms the perfect perpetual motion she needed to let her mind be at the peace she craved as she made her way down the trail in the shadow of the mountain. 

At the first rest area along the trail, about 100 yards from the trailhead and parking lot, she paused to rest again, something she didn’t normally do. But today, she had decided, would be different. 

There was a bench with an inscription she’d been wanting to see, to read again. It had been a long time since she’d stopped at this part of the trail, going up or coming down. Her routine didn’t allow for moments like this, so many meetings or errands or tasks on the list, sucking up the hours she should have been doing more of this …

“Pause and Let Life Catch Up"

The sun was high enough to kiss her bare shoulders, something she wasn’t used to. By now she’d be in her car, headed to where ever she needed to be next. Or back home to checking off the tasks on the lists. Lists she’d torn to pieces this morning. 

None of it mattered, or did it? If she kept doing things the way she had then how could she possibly expect different results? If she wanted change, she would have to change first. The lists went into the trash.

But isn’t that what life is? Christina asked the universe, doing her best not to shout. She knew there was no need to shout at something that hears you inside, the way one hears oneself inside one's own head. No need to expend so much energy on a question I’ve asked so many times. 

She was tired. Tired of thinking of all the things that could have been, the if only’s and the chasing of dreams she could no longer remember. It was the whisp of the whispers of the dreams she used to have keeping her from dreaming now.

Giving up was not an option, there was too much at stake, so much life still to live, a whole world to explore. So many choices to make.

Christina inhaled, the sweet scent of the desert found her senses and she remembered to be grateful for all the pieces and parts of the journey leading her to this moment. The moment when the rest of her life would begin, when she would face the truth, accept the consequences, and finally be in control of her destiny.

She felt the weight lift from her soul, the heaviness of the darkness giving way to the light that believed in her confession and wiped away the tears forming under her sunglasses. No need for an emotional moment in public when she could, and would, have a very good cry later.

At the trailhead, Christina took her time reading the notices, the posters with information about night hikes and snakes, and how important it is to stay on the trails, because of the snakes. She waited for a group of children on a field trip to pass, listening to their teachers and chaperones explain the rules and answer the never-ending stream of questions from minds buzzing on fresh air.

In the parking lot, she opened the trunk of her car and was changing her shoes when the voice she’d heard earlier at the top of the mountain said “hello.”

He introduced himself and asked her name. They sat and talked for a while, he mentioned he’d noticed her many times out here, but she’d always seemed to be in such a hurry he’d never had the courage to say hello. And, he wasn’t as fast of a runner on the trail as she was. He confessed he was trying to get faster so if they ever ran the mountain together, he would be able to keep up.

Then he laughed. “But then today, I thought I must’ve been moving pretty fast because you weren’t right on my heels. It’s kind of funny, you made me wait on you, and I was so afraid of you waiting on me.”

Christina laughed too.