Memories with Death

The girl sits against the old oak tree, clutching her knees as if that is the only thing stopping her from falling apart. Great sobs shake her tiny body and dead leaves fall around her as if the wizened oak, cursed by her sorrow, was mourning alongside her. Death, crouching low from behind a neighbouring oak tilts his head askew as he watches the small creature in front of him.

It’s only a matter of moments now.

Slowly he feels himself place one ivory toe after another, stalking closer to this curious target of his. With every step dark patches bloom in the thick grass that cushion the field as his touch takes life away as it is purposed to do. When he is merely steps away from the girl and she does not falter from her misery, he stands up casting his shadow, the darkest of them all, against her.

Leaning in, his icy breath leaves a smoky trail that grows longer with every word as he asks, “Why are you shedding so many tears, small creature?”.

The girl stills and stays like that until Death thinks she will never answer. Eventually and ever-so-quietly she weakly breathes, “My best friend, my brother… he died. Isaac… he’s dead.”

She begins shaking as louder she cries, “H-he left me behind… and now I’m all alone.”

Death taps his fingers against his cloak at the unfamiliar word.

“Alone? What do you mean, child?”

Her arms tighten around her legs before she whispers into her knees, “It’s cold, sir… and scary. It-It’s like I’ve lost my home. Like, there is nowhere safe anymore.”

“Would you like to see him again?” Death answers and cocks his head, surprised that he offered such a bizarre thing when he is here to take her life.

The small creature raises its head, unfurling itself for the first time, her eyes stained and puffy, her upper lip snotty and ever so slightly nods her head. Death holds out his hand, unwilling to take back his word, but the girl flinches and presses herself against the tree, eyes wide as she finally realises she is staring into the face of Death. She gapes at his hand then at his face then back again, chest rising and falling as her desires war with her fear.

Once more Death cocks his head, “perhaps another form will do?” before transforming into a black cat. Glowing red eyes meet hers and he sits there flicking his tail before leaning his head forward.

She releases a shaky breath and giggles. Death’s ears flicker at the unfamiliar sound. With a small smile she slowly reaches forward and places her slight hand on the soft fur of his head. Suddenly darkness explodes from Death and the girl is pushed back against the tree. Her body tenses as she prepares to run, but as she opens her eyes, she realises she is no longer in the field. Right in front of her is a wall, or more accurately she sees frames. Thousands and thousands of photo frames crammed next to each other, flickering as if gasping for air. Some were small, some large, some circular in nature, others rectangular, yet all contained colourful pictures.

She looked to her right and saw a long hallway stretch as far as the eye could see lit with warm lamps bobbing up amongst a sea of vibrant frames packed on both sides. As she gazes to the left only darkness awaits with each wall’s frames empty of life, yet to be filled.

“This is your hall of memories, child,” voices the cat from beside her. “Every frame displays each one of your memories from your life so far”.

Curious, the girl crawls forward and gazes into one no bigger than her palm. She takes a sharp intake of breath when she realises she is rewatching a memory she tried to avoid not too long ago.

“What is it, child?”

Death leans in and watches the scene unfold. The girl in the same black dress was standing with other larger humans around a rectangular box. She was crying, but that didn’t shock Death for that is all he had seen her do. He watches as she clenches her little fists before turning and running away. Based on the next few frames, she ran to that oak tree and then they met.

“What was that gathering with the other humans? Why did you run away like that?” he questions, his greedy curiosity surprising him once more, but the child just abruptly stands up and begins walking down the hallway into her past memories.

Confused as to why she did not respond, all Death could do was follow her on her quest as her eyes scan the walls. Death allows his eyes to wander over the frames around him too, as the girl’s shoes clack, clack, clack down the wooden floor of the hallway until she suddenly stops.

Walking between her legs, Death curls his tail around her calf as he follows her gaze to the biggest frame he had seen so far. There, the child and a boy were swimming, laughing in a small sea cove and Death couldn’t help but compare the now pale, sickly-looking creature he found under that tree to the pink-cheeked one that was playing so lively with her brother. How could she change so much?

He kept watching the scene even though he knew what would come next; he was there himself after all. The girl was swimming out further at their local beach challenging the boy to race after her and he followed her loyally until he was ahead, then past warning signs and caught up in the currents. Death remembers finding the boy’s young soul at the bottom of that small cove shivering and still attached to its unresponsive body, held down by the weight and power of that sly, old sea, as if if he stayed there long enough it would still remain his home. Death remembers how scared the little soul was, but not for himself.

“Is she safe?” he recalls the soul asking in the language only the spirits of the deceased could understand, and he remembers assuring him that it was not her time yet. Only then did he agree to leave and pass on with Death.

Death flicks a water droplet from his ear, breaking him out of his daze, but soon another one travels down his nose until the taste of salt fills his mouth. He gazes upwards. The girl is crying again. Automatically Death begins rubbing himself against her leg as if to provide some comfort, but before he can figure out why he is soon pushed aside when slowly on shaky legs the girl walks forward. She reaches out to the frame and begins yanking on it with all her might.

“This memory, I don’t want to remember it anymore!” she screams through gritted teeth.

Confused at her wasted efforts Death reminds her that, “Child, the past is the past. It cannot be changed.”

Death thinks he has finally got through to her when her arms subsequently surrender the indifferent frame and gradually begin to rest at her side, but instead she turns on him, her eyes scrunching with a familiar hatred.

“You did this!” she screeches and kicks him in the stomach before falling to the ground as if she had just taken the blow.

“Why did you have to take him from me?” she sobs.

Death picks himself up before sitting down in front of her. “You know why, child. It was his time to go. I do not choose this; I just enact nature’s will.”

For minutes she just sits there in her familiar little ball and sobs until she eventually raises her head.

“D-did it hurt? Is he safe where he is right now, w-without me?” she quietly whispers before her eyes light up as if shocked she had the courage to ask him.

“I do not know what it felt like for him in his last few moments of life, but I do know that he has now found peace,” Death replies honestly.

The girl releases a shaky breath as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders before wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her dress.

“I’m sorry. Can I still see him? Be-before he died?”

Death sighs. Humans were such fickle, predictable things. Selfish really, but despite all that as he gazes at her face flushed from the recent batch of tears, he couldn’t help but pity the small creature helpless to the thralls of her emotions. Quietly he walks past her beckoning her with his feline head and begins leading the way into her past.

She walks slowly, almost zombie-like despite heading towards what she supposedly desired so completely. Finally, Death spots the right frame and comes to a halt. Awkwardly she stops beside him eyes downcast, hands fidgeting with the side of her dress and teeth gnawing on the inside of her cheek.

She looks down at Death, “Will this be the last time I ever see him?” she whispers but doesn’t wait for an answer before she looks up at the picture within the golden frame almost glowing with warmth.

She spots the face that she had been yearning to see for so long and raises her hand to caress it with her fingers. Suddenly she is in the memory walking through that familiar green field that their playful spirits had freely roamed all those years growing up. Towards that familiar tree; their tree. She can hear the soft strumming of a guitar in the warm breeze, and she’s drawn to it like a sunflower to the sun.

Slowly, slowly she gets closer, the notes getting louder, and she can finally see his face up close. His messy brown hair untouched, his freckled cheeks pink, his green eyes bright as he meets hers. He smiles that crooked smile that comforted her all those years as they grew up together and she can’t help but smile back as she gets ever so closer.

Deep down she knows this isn’t real, that he is still dead, but as she sits down next to him and leans on his warm shoulder, smells his familiar scent, feels him take in breath after breath as he plays sweet melodies on his guitar, he feels so alive. The weight of the world leaves her body, and she takes a breath, finally smiling without burden. She is safe at last.

…

Later she wakes up against that same tree, but instead of her brother she faces her family’s worried expressions. She searches next to her for Isaac, but she already knows what she will find. He is no longer next to her physically, but she still feels his presence. Deep within her memories and the memories of the loving family still here with her, so when she looks up at them all she can do is smile. She now knows she will never be lonely for she once knew a person that completely accepted her for herself, and he is now safely tucked away in her heart.

Death watches the reunion from afar behind the oak tree that he had first observed this curious child and wonders what he is seeing. He had always witnessed hatred, guilt, regret; cold feelings that defined his very presence, but now warmth trickled into chest for the first time. Is this the opposite of loneliness?

He takes one last look over his shoulder at the girl who had finally found her family before continuing his journey. Never had he once not taken a life from his list, but for the first time he couldn’t. This time he would be taking not only hers, but also the life that she carried in her memories and for some reason that didn’t sit right with him.

Was he getting soft?

Perhaps, but he didn’t mind.