Painful Dream

"Leira, I know you are not listening to me right now. I have no idea where your thoughts are wandering, but please try to keep them in my classroom."

"Sorry, teacher."

That was not the first time Leira had been dreaming with her eyes wide open. Her thoughts drifted through streets of worlds that existed only in her mind, and they felt so real that sometimes, when she was asked to return to reality, she could hardly tell which world was the real one.

"You look pale. What has doctor told you last time?" - Leira knew what those furrowed brows meant- Mal was not the only one who was looking at her that way. Her parents, the doctor, who couldn't explain why a girl who spent almost all her free time asleep had test results like someone suffering from years of insomnia, they all had the same look on their faces.

"He said, that I don't get enough sleep."

"But how's that even possible?"

"Yes, I know. To be honest, I don't get it either. Perhaps the reason is the dreams themselves. They are sometimes so realistic. For example, yesterday I dreamt I was riding a horse, and in the morning my whole body ached, as if I indeed had spent hours in the saddle."

"Maybe you should see another specialist?"

"You mean a psychologyst?"

"No, I didn't mean that... It's just strange, isn't it?"

"Yes, I guess it is. But do you know what the real problem is? I can't stop dreaming- I keep doing it even during lessons."

"What's so attractive about your dreams that you'd rather live in them than here?"

"That's the thing- I hardly remember anything, but I wake up feeling so happy, or sad, or inspired. The emotions can be different, but they're always so alive. I never feel that way when I'm awake. So... I guess that's why."

"Let's go" - May grabbed her friends hand.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't want you to be happy only in your dreams. That's why we are going to make you feel a lot today- and I won't let you hide away from me, or from the world, under your blanket."

"So we've come to the park?"

"Yes. You haven't left your room for so long that you might have forgotten what fresh air feels like."

"I open my window."

"That only proves my point. And don't roll your eyes at me. Just look around- do the trees in your dreams have such golden crowns? If you look from this angle, you'll see the sun shining through the leaves and it feels like golden rain."

"It's really very beautiful." - Leira was looking at the same view she had been seeing numerous times, but this time it felt different.

"Now, close your eyes. Listen. Hear the wind whispering its secrets to the leaves, feel its cold yet gentle touch on your skin," - May secretly opened one eye; she wanted to check her friend's reaction. Her own eyes brightened when she saw a shy smile playing at the corners of Leira's lips.

"Ok, you were right, it's really funny." - Said Leira after a while, and this time her lips were curved into a wide smile, and May could see the spark of curiosity glimmering there.

"Walking in Autumn park - done. Feeding ducks - done. What's next?"

"I don't know, you're the one who brought me here."

"Yes, but maybe there's something you'd like to do? Oh, I know- Let's go horse riding."

"What? Nooo"

"You said you were doing that in your dream. Then let's do it in real life as well. Let's do everything you've ever done in your dreams. Wait a minute..."

May pulled a small notebook from her bag- it was hard to imagine her without one.

"Right, tell me eveything you remeber, and I'll write it down so we don't forget. Number one - horse riding. What's next?"

"Well... I remember the sea. I'm sure I've seen it many times in my dreams, but I've never been to the beach in my entire life."

"Ooh, that's a good one. I like it. What else?"

"Not much. I forget my dreams as soon as I wake up."

"Then we'll do the first two points - and I'll add two of mine. It'll be fair. We do one thing from your dreams and one from mine."

"Well, that does sound interesting."

"Perfect! I've always dreamt of taking dance classes. And before you start complaining- you need some movement too."

"Yes, that's true. The doctor said I need more exercise."

"See? So dancing - and for the second one, I'll choose something easy. Otherwise, it'll be too much for you to start with. Let's watch sunset by the river."

"Alright, I'm ready to watch the sunset with you - as long as I have a thermos of tea with me."

"Perfect, my dear grandma. You'll have your tea and you can keep your Victorian dress."

"What's wrong with my dress?"

"Nothing! It's just that no one else could wear a Victorian-style gown in the twenty-first century and still look so harmonious. Maybe in your dreams you travel to your past lives- that would explain a lot."

"Stop it."

"Alright, sorry. Wake up."

"I am getting up."

"No, wake up."

"What?- Wake up, Leira, Wake up"

"Do you here that? That's my mother's voice... But what's it doing here?"

"Wake up!"

Leira closed her eyes trying to understand what was happening, but when she opened them, a bright light struck her eyes. She blinked several times, trying to make sense of it all. Slowly her eyes adjusted to the light, and she saw the flowery wallpaper of her room. Next she saw her mother trying to wake her up for school.

"Finally, dear! You're going to be late for school. Get up and get dressed. Breakfast is already on the table. Do you hear me?"

Leira's eyes darted around the room trying to understand what had just happened- and to remember what she had seen in her dream that made her so happy. She could still feel that warmth inside her, but she couldn't recall why she felt that way.

On her way to school, Leira realised that she had turned away from her usual path. The crunch of dry leaves beneath her shoes pulled her back from her thoughts. When she looked up, she saw an autumn fairytale unfolding before her eyes — the park, radiant in gold and crimson, was showing its beauty to all who entered.

Almost unconsciously, she placed a hand on her chest, which had tightened for reasons she couldn’t explain. Even though her mind didn’t understand why her feet had brought her there, her heart was still yearning for the emotions she had once felt.

As usual, Leira spent the first lesson lost in thought — but this time her thoughts were closer to reality. She was trying to understand why May hadn’t come to school. Leira wished for her friend to be there, as she was the only anchor keeping her tied to the real world.

Finally, after surviving the first lesson alone, she decided to ask her classmates if they knew why May was absent. She thought their class monitor would surely know something — but Ellen’s answer made her blood run cold.

“Sorry, but who are you talking about?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know anyone named May. Is she from another class?”

“No, she’s in our class — she sits next to me.”

“Alright… but you’ve been sitting alone since the beginning of the year. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am. Is this some kind of joke?”

“Sorry, I have to go. See you in the next class.”

Leira was sure that May was real, yet the way Ellen rushed to the door, casting her a frightened look, made her doubt her own sanity. She opened her phone’s gallery, scrolling through photos, trying to find at least one picture of her friend — but there was nothing.

Panic rising, she opened her contacts and typed May’s name. Only then did she realise she had never written to her friend before. When the screen displayed No contacts found, the truth hit her — her friend had never existed. She was nothing more than a creation of Leira’s imagination.

The girl shook her head; she couldn’t accept it.

“How is that even possible? I never remember what happens in my dreams — so how can I remember her so vividly if she never existed?”

Fear and a growing sense of loneliness began to drown her. At that moment a familiar voice broke into her dream:

“I know that Mr Duncan’s lessons are very boring, but could you try not to show it so clearly?”

“May— oh my God, you’re real. Are you real?”

“I hope so. What’s going on? Did you have a bad dream? I suppose maths problems can do that to people.”

“It was an awful dream. I thought I’d imagined you.”

“Don’t you think I’m a bit too realistic to be just a dream?”

“Yes, you definitely are,” Leira said, hugging her friend with trembling hands.

At that moment, she understood that her excessive dreaming really was a problem — and that she needed to learn how to fight it.

During the next couple of days, Leira tried to spend all her time with May. They kept adding new things to their to-do list. It was the happiest time Leira had ever known. She even began to sleep less, and waking up in the mornings became easier.

Yet every night, as she went to bed, her heart grew heavy with fear — the fear that she might once again lose herself in her dreams.

But the days passed, and soon the winter holidays arrived.

“Let’s go to the sea,” said May. “That’s the last thing on our list we haven’t done yet.”

“But it’s too cold for the sea now.”

“I’m not telling you to swim in it. Let’s just look at it. Don’t you want to drink warm tea while watching the cold waves?”

“Okay, you know how to intrigue me.”

“Oh, yes. I do.”

A few days later, the two best friends were admiring the scenery of the northern sea. The restless waves broke against the shore as if trying to reach the feet of the onlookers. May was painting the view on the canvas she had brought with her, while Leira enjoyed the warmth of her tea. She felt calm and content.

Suddenly, a dog ran into her, making her spill the drink. The dog’s owner rushed to catch it.

“I’m so sorry! Was the water too hot?”

“That’s all right, it didn’t hurt.”

“Accept my apologies once again.”

“It’s really fine.”

Leira was wiping the water from her hands when a strange thought crossed her mind. She knew the tea had been boiling hot — yet she had felt nothing when it touched her skin. Perhaps it was just her imagination, she thought, so she decided to test it. She stretched out her hand and let a few drops fall from the bottle. She saw the steam rising from the liquid, but her skin remained completely numb to the heat.

“What’s the matter? Why do you look so shocked?” asked May, brushing paint across the canvas.

“That’s strange… I think I can’t feel pain in my hand.”

At that moment, May turned to her with a faint smile.

“Of course you don’t,” she said softly. “You can’t feel pain in a dream.”