Into the Sunlight

I’ve always been afraid of the sun. Mom has always said I’m allergic to it and that’s why I never go out. I stay in the shadows alone. I’m pretty much homeschooled. No one really knows I exist and it gets lonely. But I’m fine. Alone..for 15 years...yeah. I never met my dad but mother says he's just another douchebag. I don’t know any of my family, really. It’s just been me and my mom with a bunch of medicine for this long-life stupid disease. 

I don't know. It’s always been weird. I’ve never gone outside and touched grass. Mom has always said I can’t ever leave the house or go into the light. The windows are boarded up in the house so the sun doesn’t reach me. Mom says there is never going to be a cure. It sucks but it is what it is. I just wish for one day that I can be outside and live freely. I would rather not risk it though, as I’m not sure how my skin reacts. Mom just says that I get all red and itchy. Ever since the sun touched me I was never allowed back out. 

I guess I should get to the point on how my mom found out I was allergic. When I got released from the hospital my mom took me out and it was a pretty sunny day. Out of nowhere I bursted into tears. My skin turned red and bumps started to take over my body. I was quickly rushed back to the hospital. Mom says my skin started to peel like a snake. Ever since then, she never let the sun touch a single part of my body. 

I feel pretty trapped in my own home as I can’t do anything. I always search up videos about how it’s like to actually be outside. It looks fun. Definitely. Sometimes having this disease bothers me as I’m very lonely. I just wish to be outside and to actually have friends. I always hear little kids outside playing and screaming. All I remember is playing by myself with a baby alive doll. I’m not sure where it is now. I think mom threw it out after I turned nine. 

I got an Ipad when I turned 13. I watch videos on it and play games. I recently got this ad on this app called instagram. It’s an app where you can connect with friends. I downloaded it but I’ve been debating on making the actual account. I don’t even have friends so what’s the point. 

After debating it for two days I made an account. I thought about how I can actually have a few friends now. I set my profile up and now I wait. I followed some of my favorite celebrities. Boom. I got a notification. 

“Staceysel1627 has requested you.” read the notification.

I clicked on her account and looked through it. She’s about my age and seems really nice. I accepted her request. I sent a message.

“Hey :)” 

It was all I could ever think of sending her. I was running in circles in my room. Nervous. I thought I could finally have a friend. It was a scary feeling but relieved. I wouldn’t be so lonely now. How exciting actually. Ping. It was a notification. She replied. Oh how scary. I opened up the message. 

“Hey! :D”

I was pretty excited not gonna lie. I made small talk with her and we eventually spent all evening talking. She found it interesting how I’m allergic to the sun. She didn’t believe me at first but after telling her my whole story of it, she finally believed me. I sighed with relief. I wasn’t going to be so lonely after all. It was nice to say that now I have a friend. Stacey had to go. She’s a swimmer. How nice is that. Swimming with the sun. She says she enjoys it. I wish I was a swimmer. I wish I could be like her. A normal girl, out in the sun. 

My mom left to work shortly after. The door slammed shut as she left. Back to lonely I was. Waiting for Stacey to message me. I sat in my room with boredom. PING. She’s back! I ran to my Ipad to message her. I seemed like a lunatic. I asked how it was. I asked about how the sun felt and how it was. She happily responded back to my probably annoying questions but I was just so curious about it. 

We talked all night and it was probably one of the happiest days i've ever had. The next morning I woke up and did my homework. By 12pm I was done with everything. Back to boredom and loneliness. I didn’t want to bug Stacey as she had school and went on campus. I wonder what it’s like. I started poking around and eventually went up to one of the boarded windows. I poked and poked at it until it started to chip. I continued doing so and then light beamed through a small hole. Was this the sunlight? I moved away quickly as I didn’t know how my skin was going to react first-hand. I put my finger up to the hole. Nothing. Not an itch, burn, bump, or anything. I poked more to the hole and slowly put my hand up to it. Nothing. Just warmness from the sun. 

I sat on my purple rug, confused. All I felt was confusion mixed with being upset. Was I being lied to my whole entire life. Did my mom lie to me? Did I waste 15 years of my life inside this house because of a lie? I never felt so hurt. I heard keys jangling so I quickly covered the hole I made with a sweatshirt bundled up. My mom entered exhausted from work. I cut her up some watermelon, her favorite fruit. I served her and then asked her about how I was born and how I became allergic to the sun. She repeated the story with such an ease. She had every detail memorized. I sighed and went back into my room. I told Stacey about it. She was surprised but doesn’t get why my mom would lie to me about such a thing. I slept it off.

I woke up the next morning exhausted. I woke up at 3am and then couldn’t fall asleep until 5am. I kept wondering why my mom would lie. I did my daily routine and continued my day,

My mom left for work as usual. I said my goodbyes and went to my room. I looked at the sweatshirt then I removed it. The sun beamed through it. It was brighter and warmer. I grabbed a hammer that was under my moms bed. I removed the nails from the board. The sunlight filled my whole room. I got up from my sitting position. There I was, right in front of the sun. The warmness was comforting. No reaction. That’s when I knew for sure my mom was hiding something.

I went through her room and looked through her stuff. Found it. A box under her shoes. It was filled with articles of a missing child. Was I a missing child? I told Stacey about all of this. She comforted me and made a plan. She told me that when my mom went to work that I would run away and seek help with her. I boarded up the window and acted as if nothing happened. 

A month has gone by. I decided I was ready by then. I packed a few outfits in a backpack I found. I hid it in my bed. My mom left for work and it was go time. I spent 15 years in a house being lied to. I removed the nails one by one. I crawled out of the window. And there I was. Outside. I touched the grass and ran. I ran far away from hell. Feeling the warm sun on my arms, back , and face. The warmness spread throughout my whole body. I ran towards the sun as fast as I could. I was finally free.