Waiting In The Hospital

I can not remember the last time I was at a hospital. The smell of chlorine and disinfectant hit my nose right away. The walls always so white, although due to time, the walls are no longer as white as they were a few years ago. They do not take care of the building that much anyway, so why should they repaint it at the end of the day, am I right?  The doctors running up and down the hospital hallways, and rushing, to be able to handle all the patients, and at the same time, save lives. This always brought me anxiety, seeing them running like this, ever since I was a little kid. I remember crying over my mother’s shoulders and crying, because I was always too scared in that place. Whenever we had to come, there was always some needle sticking inside me, or I had to do some medical tests to see if I’m okay and nothing is wrong in my system. I was so scared of the doctors and the nurses too. Hospitals just freaked me out. 

Who would have thought that after this long time, I would need to go to the hospital again on my own. I felt a bit of panic, as soon as I got in there. Soon, though, I calmed down, knowing that there was nothing to be scared of. The waiting room was filled with people, I could not even count them all. Fortunately though, I was not in that waiting room, I had to go to another hallway and wait there. 

It is crazy how life comes like this. One day you are born and another one you pass away. The life cycle is so crazy, so mysterious and wonderful. I kept thinking about that, as I was waiting in a seat, waiting for my name to be called. I saw the clock on the wall ticking. Tik! Tok! Tik! Tok! The time seemed to be passing so slow. This made me nervous again, so I opened my phone and got to my Instagram account to let my mind free for a while. 

Everyone on the Instagram pictures seem so happy and fun. Wished I could be a little bit like that, although I knew inside me, I would never be that person. Not now, not ever. Most of them were with big smiles on their faces, with their friends and family all together. Some others were on traveling pictures, as I saw some in the USA cities, and the rest were from all around the world. Heart to everyone’s pictures, that is what I always do. Even if I do not like or do not understand the post, I heart it, to help the other person, unless what they post is not in my ethics. 

Ten minutes have passed, since I opened my phone, and I’m still waiting. Other people were passing, some were younger and others were older. Some were moms with their kids next to them. Others were just old couples waiting in the line together. I love watching people. Everyone is so different from one another and it is fun to watch others doing whatever. A woman was screaming at a nurse, because she needed a doctor right away and the nurse was not listening to her. Her husband next to her tried to calm her down, and he did. How beautiful is it, that she calmed down, as soon as her lover started hugging her and kissing her. They are elderly, but they still kiss each other. This is one of the goals that I want when I grow old with my partner. 

I opened my phone again, because I started feeling bored, not knowing when they will call me. I have a few games on my phone, so I started playing a few. The first game was one of those games that you have to cross at least 3 same pictures together, like fruits, or candies, or whatever. I was struggling for a while now with one of the levels, and as soon as I passed it there, I almost did a victory dance, but immediately threw the thought away, not wanting to embarrass myself. Another game was one of those games where you have to find clues, objects, etc., in a room filled with objects. I love these games. 

I started getting hungry, but I could not leave this seat. What if they called me and I was not there?

A doctor rushed in front of me, going in one of the doors, and my anxiety attack almost kicked for a bit. Fortunately, nobody noticed it. 

I was so bored right there, I did not know what else to do. I needed to go and pee, so I went to the bathroom very quickly and came back in no time. When I asked the others if they called my name, they said no, so I sat back down. 

My emotions were a bit mixed. I felt a bit happy and at the same time really scared, trying to imagine how my life is going to be like. I started daydreaming of my future and as I did, I felt a little more happy than before. Maybe everything would work out eventually,  and I did not have to worry about it. 

It has almost passed an hour and I am still waiting. Why is it taking so long? And for some odd reason, I am not allowed to go inside. This looks to me like homophobia somehow, but I did not want to say anything to anyone about it. 

Finally, after four hours later, a nurse called me inside, “Mrs. Riley, you can come inside now”. 

I went straight ahead to the door in front of me. My wife was on the bed, looking exhausted and the baby on her hands. I went next to them, and I held Jina’s hand. I reached over and kissed her lips, to reassure her that everything went fine. 

The midwife came next to us and said, “She’s a girl” with a smile on her face and then walked away. 

I could not believe it. I was about to start my future, with my wife and our child, and I felt like the luckiest person in the world. 

I might waited a bit, but the truth is, the good things in life are worth waiting for.