An Ordered Life

It was so hard to see in the dark. Peter and Janet kept bumping into each other in their bedroom as they hurriedly got dressed. "Do you think we'll get there in time?" asked Janet. Peter snorted and replied, "I suppose so if you shake a leg". "Might help if you had turned on the light." Peter answered that he never turnef on the light in the morning so as not to wake her. It was a hard habit to change since he retired a few years ago.

They quickly finished dressing, grabbed the hamper full of breakfast food and a thick, soft blanket and got in the car. "Oh, I can't remember the last time we were out this early." Janet was reminiscing about bygone times. So many mornings spent rushing around, getting their son and daughter off to school. Making sure Peter hadn't forgotten his lunch. Never enough time to just enjoy a sunrise. Never enough time it seemed for her.

They finally arrived at the top of the tallest hill in their valley. Local kids came here in the summer to swim in the lake just over the ridge. It was also a popular lovers lane spot. Peter pulled the car up to a big tree and stretched. "These old bones aren't used to moving around this early. Been a dogs age since I've seen a sunrise. Used to watch it every weekday on the train into the city for work. Sure do miss 'em now that I think about it."

They pulled the hamper out of the trunk and grabbed the blanket from the back seat. Carefully they made their way to the edge of the hill overlooking their valley below. As Janet laid out the blanket and began setting up a picnic breakfast, Peter wandered around noticing things as if for the first time. Morning birds announcing time to get up, crickets chirping hello all seemed as if it was for him. He told them all good morning and chuckled as a brave little squirrel approached looking for breakfast. "Not today little fellow, your on your own for breakfast."

"Come, Peter. Breakfast is all ready and coffee is poured. Sunrise should be any minute now." The pair began their meal just as the sun peaked over the horizon. It was a beautiful sunrise full of color and splendor. They watched and ate in silence. After 40 years together the silence was comfortable. Just the closeness of two people who had spent most of their lives together.

Too soon it was full morning and all around them the forest was awakening. They finished up eating and Peter walked over to a downed tree to have his after meal pipe. Janet began the putting away of breakfast and thought of all the mornings again that she had missed. She didn't exactly blame Peter and the children, it was just that something in her had also awoken and wanted to live. She dumped the basket and blanket in the car and walked over to Peter.

"Well that's odd", she thought. "He never once has fallen asleep right after breakfast." But then she remembered that since he went to the doctor last week he had been acting different. He wouldn't talk about his visit and spent alot of time in his study with the door shut. Janet hadn't thought much of it. She was used to spending most of her days alone and she had her housework and Ladies Club to fill her hours. But she was begining to long for some excitement. Something that wasnt the same old day in day out drudgery.

"Peter, wake up. Its time to go home." She got no response so she said it again louder. "Oh for crying out loud he's going to be a bear when he gets up if he's that sound asleep."

But as she came around the tree limb he was sitting on she realized that Peter wasn't just soundly sleeping, he had passed on. His pipe had fallen to the ground in front of him. Janet picked it up and watched the smoke curl. She remembered the man she had spent 40 years with. All the happiness , sadness, pain and pleasure. She sat beside him and quietly cried. She also cried because she would gladly take another 40 years of housework and children and drudgery if she could have him back.

After she could cry no more she realized she had to make arrangements. So she went to the car and found the phone they kept for emergencies and called the police. She dealt with everything matter of factly as she had always done. She called her children and they would be arriving the next day. Janet found out that the doctor had told Peter that he had a blood clot in his brain and they could do nothing about it. He had spent all that time alone finalizing his affairs so Janet wouldn't have to worry about money. He took care of every last thing except for telling her he was dying.

She made all her calls to family and friends and then there was just nothing. Just a void in the room she couldn't avoid. So for the first time in many years, Janet did something spontaneous. She got in the car and headed back to the hill. She parked in the same spot by the tree and grabbed the blanket that was still there from the morning. She spread it out and sat down just in time to watch the sun set. It was as beautiful as the sunrise. She stayed sitting there till it had completely set. The moon came out and danced on the lake below but she barely noticed it. Not thinking about anything, just being. Chipmunks scurried around her looking for handouts but went away discouraged that she had no food for them.

Finally she got up and folded up the blanket. She sighed and made a decision. She wasn't going to miss out on any sunrises or sunsets again. She wasn,t going to miss out on anymore life. She was going to make the most of the time she had left. She got in the car and paused. This was a strange feeling. She dearly loved Peter and never regretted giving her life to her family but for the first time in her life she truly felt alive and she was ready to live.