The Soliciter

It was a hot day on the Gold Coast in Queensland.Surfers Paradise shimmered in the heat and Al the bloke on the beach was busily applying coconut oil to nubile bodies as the surfers enjoyed the blue seablue sea washing up on squeaky white sand.

The beach was not for me unfortunately.No, I was in the process of sorting out a particularly nasty break up with a partner with whom I'd owned a restaurant.I had previously spoken to Chris my soliciter on the phone about the situation and he suggested I went to his office.I arrived a little early and checked in with the receptionist.

The waiting room was full but seeing there were various offices thought it possibly normal.Thirty minutes went by - I appproached the receptionist and said "Will I be long going in as I have my car on a meter?" "Well she replied ,"these people are before you so I would suggest you go and move it !" "Gawd", I mutter as I rush out into the afternoon heat. The car wasnt close either as parking is a premium in Surfers Paradise.

I returned to the office hot and flustered and sat down and waited patiently.Who was the person who recommended this soliciter to me ?I was trying to remember. A tall languid man suddenly appeared ,"Miss Roach?",he said glancing around reception.He was smoking a cheroot and didnt look very proffessional to me ! Anyway ,I go into his office and he offers me a chair.The lighting is muted and he was walking about and looking at me."Well", he says go on ". "What do you mean?",you know all about it.

"Start from the beginning"."Ok well you know I have a restaurant in Southport with my partner and he is being very difficult indeed as I wish to get some money from it as our relationship is over.He chased me in my car to coolangatta last night trying to find out where Im living and I nearly had an accident.I went to the police station in the end back in surfers after he chased me through the casino car park - it was awful ! By now he is walking about and suddenly says -"Come with me".I follow him through the back door of the office ,into a hallway where he knocks on a door and a chap opens it and he says ,"I believe Miss Roach is your appointment!"

Ha Ha Ha Ha !Wrong Chris and new flustered receptionist ! It turns out he was interviewing actresses for a part in a film. I asked him later," why didnt you stop me"."He said he thought I was doing a bit part and when he realised I wasnt, it got too exciting !"

The story somehow travelled far and wide much to everyones amusement.

A lot of unfortunate things have happened to me in my life -reams and reams, but I suppose the creme de la creme,the peice de resistance was my honeymoon.We suddenly decided to get married Ron and I.We lived in London and we had been to Greece several times before.We loved it there and would go diving in the clear water looking for artifacts .

We arrived in crazy Athens and booked into a hotel for the night as we would be going down to the harbour in the morning to decide which island to go to first.We wanted to go to somewhere new as we had been to quite a few already but we never orgaised anything as we liked being free agents and had back packs with out fins and masks. Even our marriage was impulsive - no fuss !" Mum there's some carnations in the sink can you bung them into a bouquet for me ?" Mind you , this was thirty minutes before we were expected at the registry !

Then up to Jack Straws on Hampstead Heath for macaroni cheese ! That's what has been wrong with my life in review , I ask for little !I got little! Except a wealth of amazing experiences and a lot of laughs.Anyway, there we were on the harbour and suddenly all these sirens were going off - people running around crying and shouting. We found out what was happening - Greece is going to war with Turkey ! Oh,my god ! All men were called up from age 18 to 45 so everything was coming to a grinding halt and as the airport was now shut down we decided to get out of Athens as it probably would be bombed.We got on what appeared to be the only boat leaving - it was going to Rhodes.Well,we'd never been there before !

Funny I said, lot of blokes on here ! We were on a troup carrier taking army to rhodes to invade cyprus ! yeeks,yeeks and double yeeks !Advised to get off before Rhodes so we got off the boat with eight other travellers at Cos.Now you can see turkey from there ! We all clung together and Ron went to talk to someone who got a truck driver to take us to the other side of the island.

We all arrived at this little village. The people were astonished to have visiters ! As with the lovely greek people they made room for us all though a couple had a tent on the beach.

Nobody spoke english so we had to wait to find out what was happening when a chap you worked in town came home.There was one TV set which was set up outside for all to see.Ron and I started diving about 2 k from the village and found a load of columns in the sea.We were so excited and mapped them out.Ron managed to pull up a part of one from 20 feet.Fabulous! Doric! Meanwhile the village was guarded by a bloke with a machine gun and news was sparse.

That night we went to the taverna and ate well .The people so lovely to us in the middle of their crisis.We planned to go to the museum in cos to report the find.That night Ron had terriable chest pains.He thought he was having a heart attack! Oh my god dont die on me on our honeymoon. I cried ! So we went into cos the next morning.Saw a doctor and he gave ron an Ecg and pronounced " Yes ,heart attack !" We took a room in a house but I wanted to find something better for ron with a view.The doctor was coming in 3 times a day,taking his pulse and saying "more better!"

So I hired a bike and cycled up the harbour to the large building on the end.Suddenly an army guy stepped out in frontof me! "Where are you going ,"he demanded. "Ah ,I said " I was looking for a room !" "You had better come with me, he says. He marches me into this large room with marble columns and floor and fabulous view of the seaA uniformed man sat behind a big desk.

I am the Commandant here, he says. "Who are you",he said. Gawd, did he think me a spy?????? Yeeks ! I explained about my husband and about us being on our honeymoon and how he was in bed with a heart attack and that I was just looking for a room with a view ! Yes, all in one gasp ! He stared at me for a couple of minutes and yes, decided that I really was some potty little english girl He believed me, thank God , and I quickly left and got back on my bike my legs peddling as fast as I could! Ron found this all too amusing ,as he would.

He said he was getting up couldnt stand it any longer and that we should move islands.Friends had found us and we moved on ,the war was over thank goodness and Ron started diving again. We called into the museum and reported the find too.

On return to uk ron was tested - they threw him out saying he was the fittest man they had ever had in there !