Living Large

Life gets pretty crazy pretty fast. One moment you're sitting on your bedroom floor reading comics and the next you're getting ready to move across the country with strangers.

"Mo we need to go." Alex was standing there waiting for me to make my final choice. He doesn't get it, he grew up in this life.

"Alex there's so much that can go wrong. What if the album doesn't take off or I'm not good enough to get signed to any labels?" Alex looks away not wanting to deal with what I'm saying. "This is all new to me a week ago I was writing songs and now y'all want me to move to Nashville? I can't just pack up everything and leave. This is my home where I grew up, my whole life." I am so out of breath I can't stop talking.

"Relax." Alex takes my hand and holds it. "The more you focus on your can't the less likely you're going to achieve anything at all. If I didn't think you were talented I wouldn't have asked you to join my band." My mind is blank. All I can think of is everyone I am going to be leaving if I move across the United States. Alex looks me right in my eyes, "You have two choices here. You are either going to be living your life in someone else's shadow your whole life or you can be in the spotlight. Either you're living large or not living at all. It's all your decision."

"He's right you know." Jessica, my best friend, is standing right behind me. "This is all you've ever wanted. Maybe it happened earlier than you wanted but it's here now. You have to go."

"That's all great but that doesn't change the fact that I'm 16 and not even done with high school yet."

Alex hands me a little paper booklet. "These are online and in person schooling options in Nashville. Your parents are okay with you going. I don't get what's so hard about this."

I lash out the second he says that, "I don't want to miss anything."

Jessica looks me in the eyes. Her dark brown eyes are seeing through me like I'm a ghost.

"I promise you are going to miss a lot more if you don't go." She's right.

I sigh a breath of relief and fear, "I'll go get my bags." Everything feels right, like a weight has been lifted off of me. Jessica and I hug for what feels like forever, but I don't want to let go. "Come with."

"Silly, you know I can't, but I'll always be right here when you need me." A tear rolls down my check and I can feel Jessica start to breathe heavier. "I love you."

I between my breaths and tears I mutter out the words "I love you more."

"We have to go, our flight takes off soon." Jessica lets go of me. She knows there was no way of me letting go first.

Jessica leans over and whisper something in Alex's ear. He looks at me and smirks a bit but nodded at her. Jessica grabs my hands one more time before she leaves my house.

Alex's comes next to me and opens the car door. The driver puts my bags in the back and shuts the back door. Alex and I are sitting shoulder to shoulder in the back seat. I can feel myself shaking out of nerves.

"Listen Mo if you weren't talented no one would have asked you to come to Nashville. You and me we have a real shot together. Just trust me."

"I do."

Alex gives me one of his smirks. “You made the right choice. Going to Nashville is going to help your whole life take off before your eyes.” I want to believe that but it doesn’t make this whole process any less scarier. 

We pull into the airport parking lot. The driver stops the car and we get out. We take our bags and head to our gate. We only sat there for about an hour waiting for our plane but it feels like forever. The loud speaker comes on saying our flight is boarding. I let Alex go first. Being in this airport on the plane feels unreal. Part of me knows this is where I need to be, but there's a part of me that wants to stay here. I step on the plane and my heart is beating. Alex takes my carry on bag and puts it in the overhead compartment. Alex and I sit right next to each other, no one else is in our row. The flight is only half full so everyone is spread out. 

“Hey, how long is the flight anyways?”

“It is about a five hours and thirty minutes flight. Why?” I look at my phone, it’s 11:13 p.m.  

“Just trying to figure out what I am going to do. I’m not going to be able to sleep.”

“Here, switch spots with me. At Least you’ll be able to look out the window.” He stands up and we inch by each other. I can already feel the romantic tension rising between us but that’s not what this is about. This is about expanding my music.

We both sit down in our seats at the same time. Thanks for switching with me.”

“Yeah of course.” I turn and see the whole airport lit up under me. “So have you ever played in a band before?” 

That’s right. My first maybe music crush is going to be in my band. “No, but maybe I’ll break out and go solo instead.”

Alex put his head on my shoulder like he was about to fall asleep. “No you won’t. You’re not going to leave me without a lead singer. Plus you’ll have no one to be living large with.” I turn my head to look at the top of his on my shoulder. Before I could think of anything to respond with his eyes were closed and his breathing was light. Goodbye old high school life here comes new band life.