"Welcome Sports Fans! This is Marcus Titus Grippius welcoming you to the fourth day of the Lupercalia games. This is your Station For The Nation, Radio Rome! Sports Fans we have a full day of thrills ahead of us. The Emperor is rumoured to be attending and what a thrill that will be for those lucky enough to be here in person. For those out there in the city and the burbs, stay tuned and don't go away as we bring you blow by blow coverage of today's events. Now here's Antonius Priapius Diccus with a recap of yesterday's events for those who missed them. Over to you Antonius Priapius!"
"Thank you Marcus Titus and welcome Sports Fans. Well what a day we had. I tell you Marcus Titus I haven't seen sea battles in this arena like those we witnessed yesterday."
"Too true Antonius Priapius, five battles in one day! Fan…tastic!"
"I couldn't have put it better Marcus Titus. First off Sports Fans, the Kraken paired against the Leviathan. What a battle. Thirty minutes of pure mayhem and only twenty, yes just twenty spectators taken by the Kraken as appetizers before the Leviathan bit off its two long tentacles. It ended as a draw Sports Fans, with both fighters down but not out. We'll give you news of how they are recovering once we hear from Fabius Dinius Zolpan the head of events here at the Coliseum."
"Next up were three re-enactments, firstly Mylae, then Sulci and lastly Ecnomus. Boy what a spectacle. The mini triremes and quinqueremes manned by 'small people' from all over the Empire."
"Small people Marcus Titus?"
"The Emperor has just decreed that calling them midgets or dwarves is no longer correct and from now on they are 'small people'."
"Well there you have it people of Rome! Thank you for that Marcus Titus, most informative. Whatever they are called they fought bravely and hard for both sides in the battles. The screams of the sailors aboard the sinking ships as the sharks swam amongst them drove the spectators to a frenzy of cheering and shouting. The victorious Roman fleets did a victory circuit of the arena and what a sight as they sunk the last of the 'Carthaginians'! The crowd went wild."
"How about the last battle Antonius Priapius? A truly spectacular end to the day!"
"Marcus Titus you are so right! What a finale Fabius Dinius had for us. We've seen nothing like it. A single Liburnian against a fleet of two hundred, yes you heard right Sports Fans. Two hundred barbarian war canoes and round skin boats from the west of Britannica. What a fight! For an hour Sports Fans, a whole hour, the battle raged. In the end the judges called a draw. A real spectacle, an epic finale! It's sure to be a crowd favourite from now on. Now over to you Marcus Titus for a word from our sponsors."
"Thank you Antonius Priapius for that excellent summary of yesterday's events. Don't go away Sports Fans we'll continue after a short commercial break from one of today's sponsors."
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"You're listening to the Station For The Nation, Radio Rome! You're back with Marcus Titus and Antonius Priapius at the Coliseum as we get ready for today's action. The arena has been drained and cleaned after yesterday's naval action and we're just waiting for… yes here they come! First out of the home team tunnel are the Scutarii, followed by the Cestii and yes, we have Retiarii in the mix. Just listen to those cheers from the crowd at the sight of these brave lads marching to the middle of the arena."
"What a sight they make Antonius Priapius."
"Yes indeed Marcus Titus, their armour and weapons sparkling in the sunshine and here come their opponents for today's first bouts. Is it? Yes it is! Sports Fans this should prove to be quite some bout. All the way from the Danube's northern bank…, it's the Marcomarnni! Let's hear it for these warriors from this fearsome tribe with their long lances. This should be an epic bout and wait…, Sports Fans the pennants have just gone up. This is going to be a no quarter, death match. Listen to the crowd Marcus Titus."
"They've gone wild Antonius Priapius as the Marcomarnni move out into the centre of the arena. They've formed a circle, two circles one inside the other with their lances pointing out. Our brave lads are forming triads, one from each discipline and are encircling the Marcomarnni. There's a pause in the action Sports Fans as the two groups take stock of each other. You can feel the tension up here in the booth, but first it's time for a word from a sponsor."
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"Welcome back Sports Fans. The Marcomarnni have drawn first blood but now the Retiarius are getting the measure of them and with those lances tangled, yes here go the Scutari and their shields are breaking up the Marcomarnni formation and the Cestus can get in close. One hit from those spiked gloves and it's curtains for Mama Marcomarnni's little boy!"
"This is one sided, the crowd are not happy, its going to be over in minutes Antonius Priapius. Fabius Dinius has misjudged things this time, it's a good job the Emperor is not here."
"Yes indeed Marcus Titus, on this showing Fabius Dinius would be down in the arena himself before he could finish apologising. That's it! It's over, the Marcomarnni are down. The crowd are not happy they're stamping their feet and booing. There are three Retiarius, two Scutari and four Cestus down for let's see, yes I make it thirty six Marcomarnni. This could get ugly Marcus Titus."
"You're right Antonius Priapius, I haven't seen a crowd like this since the riot's of the Saturnalia. Fabius Dinius needs to act swiftly."
"You are so right Marcus Titus. Hold on… somethings happening down there. Would you look at this. Thirty six more Marcomarnni and the pennants are still up, its still a death match. They're using different tactics this time, they're advancing, stopping… they're throwing their lances and… we've got multiple hits, our boys weren't expecting that. There's ten… twelve… fifteen down, including all but one Retiarius and the Marcomarnni are rushing forward. It’s a melee now, short swords against Cestus and Scutari."
"Fabius Dinius has pulled it off, listen to that crowd Antonius Priapius, this is what they came to see. There's just the Retiarius left from our boys and twelve Marcomarnni I don't think the odds are favouring the Retiarius do you Antonius Priapius?"
"No indeed Marcus Titus and… that's it. It's over! Ten Marcomarnni left standing. Somehow he managed to take two with him. The crowd are cheering and the Marcomarnni are looking around in surprise. Here come the guards to round them up, they don't look as if they want to go quietly Marcus Titus."
"I agree Antonius Priapius, they look like they're ready to take on everyone… hold on, there are the Coliseum's security archers. They're throwing down any weapons they'd got hold of and they're leaving the arena. The crowd are cheering them as they leave surrounded by the guard. We'll hope we see them another day here in the Coliseum. Now here's a message from a sponsor."
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"You're listening to the Station For The Nation, Radio Rome! You're back with me Marcus Titus and Antonius Priapius at the Coliseum where the third battle of today is about to start. Well Antonius Priapius what a turn up for the books! The crowd is abuzz with wonder at what Fabius Dinius will serve up next and here we go!"
"This looks like a classic animal-criminal scenario Marcus Titus, here come the cages. There's six cages listeners, all covered and there's no noises from inside to let us know what's in there. Here come the criminals, a sorrier looking bunch I don't think I've ever seen."
"You said it Antonius Priapius! Two dozen convicted criminals of all stripes here to make amends for their crimes. I have to say listeners whatever is in those cages, leos, tigris, panthera, or lupus they are exceptionally quiet. Get ready listeners, the cages are around the criminals… the covers are off! Listeners the cages contain Nigrum Ursi! Very large Ursi."
"Have you ever seen such large black bears Marcus Titus?"
"No indeed Antonius Priapius. I can honestly say these are the largest I've ever seen. Where did Fabius Dinius get them I wonder. No matter listeners, a question for the interview following the final event tomorrow. Let me set the scene for you listeners. Six cages surround the criminals, with gigantic black bears sitting watching them, huddled together in the middle. The doors of one of the cages is being opened and the beastiari are prodding the bear forward…. There, it's out of the cage and most of the criminals are running around trying to keep out of its way. Three or four are just kneeling heads down, praying"
"Two more bears have been released Marcus Titus and they're in amongst the criminals…. A kill! All the bears have made kills. The power of these animals is unbelievable listeners. A single swipe from a paw just killed three convicts and another bear has bitten the head clean off a woman. The crowd is going wild, the noise is unbelievable! Screams, roars, cheers, listeners I can't…. It's over! All the criminals are dead. The handlers are having a job getting the bears back in their cages, they obviously haven't been fed for a while. There's going to be a short intermission and we're going to another commercial break listeners, stay tuned!"
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"Welcome back listeners, to the Station For The Nation, Radio Rome! Well folks, what can I say? That was as an efficient dispatch of criminals as I have ever seen. How about you Antonius Priapius?"
"Fastest ever Marcus Titus but the crowds loved it. The arena's been cleared and new sand down to cover the stains and we're ready for event four, the finale for today. What do you think Marcus Titus? How can Fabius Dinius surpass the bears?"
"I wish I knew Antonius Priapius, there's heavy betting going on as to what we're going to see next. The bookies are doing a brisk trade as are the vendors. Goat pies and Frascati wines seem to be favourites today. There's the fanfare to announce the last event. Two minuta to the start."
"The doors to the south tunnel is opening listeners and here come charioteers to great cheers from the crowd. What a spectacle listeners, there are four pair in hand chariots with driver and spearmen. Wait a minute Sports Fans! Not just chariots but Britannic war chariots driven and ridden by British slaves."
"Here come their opponents Marcus Titus, sixteen legionnaires of the… look at that signum! It's the 9th Hispania. Yes Sports Fans! The fable ninth Spanish Legion who suffered an ignominious defeat at the hands of Boudicca's Iceni."
"Will the same happen today Antonius Priapius? Has Fabius Dinius got a surprise in store for us? Those legionnaires don't look too sharp do they?"
"No they don't Marcus Titus. Wait, I've just been given an official announcement. They are slaves from Hispania. All the slaves in this battle are runaways who have a chance of a reprieve if they win today. What a prize, surely worth fighting for Marcus Titus."
"Very much so Antonius Priapius. There go the start pennants! The legionnaires are moving into a phalanx. They've locked and grounded shields and have lances in position. Here come the chariots racing down both sides of the phalanx, their scythes flashing as the wheels spin. Someone has lifted their shield to block a javelin and the scythes have an opening. The legionnaires are going down on that side and the second chariot has turned into the gap and is creating mayhem…."
"A horse is down Marcus Titus and the chariot has cartwheeled over the fallen horse and crashed down on the other side of the wedge just as the first chariot on that side tried the wedge. Now we have two chariots down and half of the legionnaires. They are scrambling to get back into some sort of formation. There's not enough for a wedge to work properly. They've backed up to the downed chariots. The odd man at the back is putting his sword into the downed charioteers."
"A sensible move Antonius Priapius, you wouldn't want even a down and injured enemy at your back. The two chariots are circling the wedge and there, they're using their javelins and there are two legionnaires down."
"Here they come again Marcus Titus and this time the legionnaires are breaking formation and using their lances. There's another legionnaire down and a charioteer, the javelin thrower is trying to get hold of the reins… too late, the horses have turned away too fast and the chariot has somersaulted."
"Well Antonius Priapius, we're down to one chariot and five legionnaires and it's anybody's guess as to what the outcome is going to be."
"Does the chariot have any javelins left Marcus Titus?"
"Not that I can see Antonius Priapius. They have their scythes but getting close enough for them to be of use will get them skewered!"
"The chariot is circling behind the bodies and chariots and the spearman is getting off! He's trying for some of the javelins in the wrecked chariots. The legionnaires are hurrying to stop them. They've broken formation and the charioteer is going after them. Oh my! Look at that Marcus Titus, two of them are down their legs cut off from under them."
"It's three to two now Antonius Priapius and the spearman is backing away with two javelins. He keeps backing away waiting for the chariot and here it comes. He needs to time this right Sports Fans. Get it wrong and he could get cut down by his own chariot or miss the chariot and…."
"He missed Marcus Titus, oh that's not good news! He's turned back to face the legionnaires and he's down, a lance in his thigh. He's getting up and throwing a javelin and what a throw, that's another legionnaire down. It's two on two and one javelin each. The chariot is stopping anyone from picking up any more."
"Listen to that crowd Antonius Priapius, they're going wild, this just the sort of mayhem and killing they've come to see."
"The spearman has just thrown his last javelin and… it's been deflected by a shield. He's hobbling with that javelin sticking out of his thigh, wait he's pulled it out! That must hurt Marcus Titus."
"The two legionnaires are closing in on him Antonius Priapius and he's backing up slowly. It looks all over for him Sports Fans…."
"They're down Marcus Titus, the charioteer has put a javelin into each of them. Listen to that crowd. The spearman's being helped back to the chariot and here they go on a lap of honour."
"Does that spearman look okay to you Antonius Priapius?"
"I have to say Marcus Titus he looks like he's lost a lot of blood, he's looking really pale… He's fallen off the back of the chariot Marcus Titus, it looks all over for him."
"Well there we have it Sports Fans, a thrilling end to today's events and once more the 9th Hispania is beaten by the British barbarians, but it's gone down well with the crowds, the cheers and whistles are deafening Antonius Priapius."
"That was the last event of the day Marcus Titus, the crowd are starting to make their way down to the exits and the clean up crews are picking up the bodies in the arena. I think Fabius Dinius has pleased the crowds today."
"Yes indeed Antonius Priapius a real crowd pleaser. He'll have to go all out tomorrow, the last day of the games."
"Have you heard anything about what he's planned Marcus Titus?"
"Well Antonius Priapius, it's rumoured he's been saving the Jewish rebels and the Christians for some special events and that might be what he's planning for tomorrow."
"Sounds like the beastiari could have a busy day ahead of them, I hope the lions are truly hungry."
"You heard it here Sports Fans, you'll have to tune in tomorrow to find out. This is Marcus Titus Grippius."
"And Antonius Priapius Diccus, for the Station For The Nation, Radio Rome!"
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2 comments
Ha, this was so much fun! I love the idea of color commentary during the Coliseum events - and from what I know about gladiator matches, it's very likely. I also laughed that the Kraken got some snacks. Hope he recovers nicely.
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That was cool. Great idea to have a radio broad cast, and I love that it was set in ancient Rome. So sad I can't trade a slave or two in for a new chariot!
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