A mistaken heart

First, I want to start by saying that I’m still young and going through life as best as I can. I love my family more than anything in the world, my three sisters the most. However, I know that my family doesn’t understand the relationship that I have with this guy. At this moment I am happily continuing my relationship with him, I haven’t told my family this. Let me explain, in the beginning I told my family about this guy and tried to explain it from my point of view. They didn’t quite understand and they dislike like him to this very day. They want me to be treated better as they say. But I’m happy with him. Because of my relationship my family and I have gotten into multiple arguments and my feelings have been hurt multiple times. To the point, I told my family I’m no longer in a relationship with him. But I am. I have trouble sleeping and when I do it’s nightmares about my family finding out that I’m lying to them. I’m simply trying to be happy while making them happy. I honestly feel like I’m a bad person for wanting this relationship to work and not wanting them to know about it. But, at the same time, I’m a grown woman trying to keep my happiness. I love my family but I also love this guy. I struggle everyday. I see my family and I feel so much regret and pain that it hurts my chest. It aches in my head and I keep it hidden. I keep him hidden. He’s my secret that I can’t share. The one that I can’t tell anyone about for fear of being looked down on or disappointed in. I don’t want that. And I tried at one point to give him up, but it broke my heart, it hurt my chest, I quit eating and I always cried until I was with my family. With my family around I hid my feelings behind fake happiness. So, I continue to keep my relationship hidden and in the dark from my family simply out of love for someone that I shouldn’t love. I have to hide who I love and how I love him, but I’m not sure how long i can keep doing it. I love my family but I’m not sure if it’s worth all the guilt, regret and pain that I feel.