Living with invasion

Sally tossed and turned. Her head felt as if it would burst with everything that was churning around in it. If it wasn’t for her dogs she would welcome death. As it was, however, she just had to get to grips with the challenges she faced. O.K. having no money and the threat of being homeless were not easy to overcome especially in this climate. She needed to straighten out her thoughts. She had always kept a diary and when her husband was dying she had found it helpful to keep a separate one focussing on that. She got out of bed, padded through to her office and began to write.

Day 1

Well things are looking a bit grim. A couple of piano lessons and the training assignment and that’s it for next month. Not much. How much more can I pull my horns in?

Bit worrying to hear about the virus in China; sounds serious.

Day 2

Oh hell! The virus is spreading like mad and it is literally deadly. Please God it doesn’t land here. Life is tough enough.

Day 3

Well it has landed and everywhere is abuzz with the horror of it. The importance of washing hands is being impressed upon us. Where is this going to end? It’s only just begun and it is scary stuff. It seems to be all we are hearing on T.V. or the radio and in the newspapers. Trouble is a lot of the stuff coming out from the experts is contradictory. This is all very worrying.

Day 4

The training assignment has cancelled – I daresay it will be resurrected in due course but I need that money now. Ditto piano lessons except for one which I can do remotely. It won’t be ideal but better than nothing. I need to get to grips with the technology. Perhaps I could promote remote lessons? Some new pupils would be good. Something. Anything. I get the point of isolation, I really do but when it stops you from earning a living… I know it is the same for hundreds if not thousands of other people but that is of little comfort when you are stuck on your own.

Day 5

What is wrong with people? Facebook have refused to let me advertise remote piano lessons and I can’t elicit a reason from them. For God’s sake, I am only trying to survive. I know I should give myself credit for getting this far but it is all so frightening. My husband has a lot to answer for. I know he’s been dead six years but I still rant at him sometimes and he certainly made sure he spent what money I had – money I would have been so glad of now. 16 months since my regular work stopped. But it had to – they were making life impossible for me and it was costing me money to work! The powers that be took great delight in telling me I wouldn’t get any benefits having been self-employed. So much for entrepreneurial endeavour! No point going over old ground though – onwards and upwards.

Sally stopped writing. It was funny, looking back over the last few days she felt a little calmer. This was definitely helping. She yawned. Time to go back to bed.

Unfortunately things got increasingly bizarre and as Sally was on her own she brooded on the implications. At 2.00am the following night, not having had a wink of sleep she padded back to her office and added another entry.

Day 6

Can’t believe the news! People have gone mad panic buying. What is wrong with them and what is this obsession with toilet rolls? Empty shelves everywhere in supermarkets – what the hell is going on?

The stats coming out are really scary – this thing is a killer. This is all getting surreal.

Pleas are coming out for people not to be greedy and stockpile but the damage has been done. Shops are slowly recovering and restocking but some things are still scarce. Ventured into Tesco today; not a loo roll in sight, no soap, no sanitiser, no lemons! Very little by way of booze. No meat! All I wanted to do was a normal top up shop and I left with bugger all.

They are talking about closing pubs, clubs, theatres, cinemas, anywhere the public gather en masse. Sports events are being called off. They are saying the Olympics might be called off. The world has gone mad.

Throughout her life, Sally had found that just when she thought things couldn’t get worse, they did. Her dogs were very difficult to handle at the best of times and now she faced fresh challenges. She knew she wouldn’t sleep if she went straight to bed so decided to go to add to her journal first and see if that helped.

Day 7

How am I going to cope with the dogs? We are being told that we must only go out for essential journeys, to work, (if we still are working, so much has had to close down,) to shop for food or to get medicines. We can exercise for up to one hour a day. Dogs can only be walked in their immediate vicinity. I just can’t do that with my two and I wish I had had the groomer over before all of this – aside from their coats, their claws need cutting and I can’t even think of attempting to do that. I can’t walk them round the village – there are too many other dogs and mine don’t like them. If I take them up the road to the airfield where I usually walk them I risk being fined for going on a non-essential journey. It’s not like I’m taking them to the beach – look at the pictures on the news! Snowdonia looks like the M25 for God’s sake. How stupid can people be?

We are officially in a lockdown situation. All the shops except food shops have been told to close.  That means I can’t even get into town to see my little jeweller and sell some more of my jewellery – that has helped keep me going for a while. Pubs, cinemas, theatres, anywhere people congregate – churches included – have been told to close their doors.  Weddings and Christenings have had to be cancelled and there are restrictions on funerals in terms of numbers of people, format of ceremony and so on. Heart breaking. The Olympics has been postponed, Glastonbury is off and concerts are being streamed rather than take place live in situ. Wimbledon is another casualty.

Nobody can go out unless absolutely necessary yet hordes seem to think they can head for the beach or beauty spots. We are told to socially distance – keep a minimum of 2m apart. Saw on the news that this still isn’t happening in London especially on public transport.

Had to queue to get into the village shop today. Standing outside 2m away from the person either side of me in the queue. They were only letting one or two people in at a time and then we had to keep our distance. The staff are wearing gloves and they are no longer accepting cash. My cards are all near their limit – how am I going to manage?

And still the news is full of people ignoring the advice, of not keeping their distance and continuing to stockpile despite stores limiting number of items you can buy. What is wrong with these people?

Money worries had often caused Sally to have sleepless nights. Without the means to try and earn a living the pressures were extreme. However, when she thought she had the prospect of a lifeline she managed to sleep for a couple of nights. Then things changed and try as she might, Sally could not sleep. She returned to her journal whilst the village around her slept

Day 8

Glimmer of hope – the government has come up with a number of schemes to help people financially. God knows how we are going to pay for it but at least it looks as if I might get Universal Credit. It’s not much but it would be something I haven’t got now. I’ll take a look online.

Day 9

I know it’s not the answer and heaven knows I have so many other things to do. The house needs a good clean, the garden has gone wild, there’s some decorating to do and I have to prepare to move at the end of the year when the mortgage is due. But where to? How?  I am so scared. So my gin and tonic and my wine help me through. I know it’s not the answer and I can’t afford it but without it my sanity would have flown out of the window long ago.

Keep thinking I’ll venture to the supermarket but I keep chickening out. From what I am hearing it is still chaos. I know Tesco tried to put measures in place, only letting so many people in at a time, trying to get people to socially distance and having sanitizer for the trollies. They have also apparently placed arrows so that everyone walks in the same direction. A neighbour posted on Facebook that he had ventured in and it was pandemonium once inside the store with people doing their own thing, failing to use the sanitizer (he, apparently, was the only one who did) and people cutting across each other to grab things off the shelves. Why don’t these selfish bastards appreciate the fact that they are putting us all at risk and the longer they do so the longer all this will go on for? I expect they are the ones clapping at 8.00pm on Thursday nights for the NHS and front line workers. They did it again last night and they are planning to do it every week for the foreseeable. Well not me. There must be better ways to show appreciation – like not flaunting the rules and getting ill and putting even more pressure on the very people they are clapping for!

At least I got the forms filled out for the Universal Credit and uploaded my CV. Got to ring to make a telephone appointment to go through it all. Lines open at 8.00am so I’ll make sure I am ready to go!

Really worried about my Dad in Birmingham. On his own at 98, frail and nearly blind. My brother is his carer but whether he is able to go in and see to Dad I don’t know. He is not responding to my emails. Dad told him to give me some money which would have been an absolute godsend but he refused. Still reeling from the earful I got when I rang home. I know they have told Dad not to answer the phone but I rang to leave a message to say I hoped everything was O.K. as my brother was not responding to my emails. But he was there and picked up the phone and I was on the receiving of such a vitriolic diatribe which I do not deserve. Not only am I not getting the money he is not responding to my emails about Dad. Cruel beyond words. Dad has apparently left him the house too. I could be homeless and my brother, who has property here and abroad and has no fewer than five top of the range luxury cars, gets the house when Dad goes. You couldn’t make it up. I must not get bitter and twisted; I need to channel my energies. I could still come out on top with application, belief and a good dollop of luck.

Day 10

Sat on the phone constantly dialling from 8.00am this morning trying to get through. Clearly everyone else had the same idea. When I did get through I was hanging on for an hour waiting to speak to someone. I have been told to expect a call at 2.30pm this afternoon. I sat by the phone which duly rang at 2.30pm but it was some godforsaken call centre. Eventually the call came. Once again I am on the wrong side of the fence. I will not get any help because of my bloody occupational pension. £100 per week and everyone has said nobody can expect to live on SSP which is about the same! How do some peasants work the bloody system and I get nothing? How can the government justify paying 80% of a £2,500 per month salary and giving me nothing! What the hell have I paid in all these years for?

I am devastated. Sent an email to my brother just advising him of the situation not asking him to send me the money Dad promised me – just updating. It has gone the way of all the other emails. Where the hell is this all going to end? I howled and who could blame me?

Being emotionally drained and exhausted, Sally managed to sleep through the night albeit fitfully. In the morning she decided that as nobody was going anywhere any time soon and everyone was stuck in a bubble she might as well try and make the best of it. She would try and work her way through this. She decided she would maintain her journal – it would be interesting to look back on once they had come through this. She had to stay strong.

Day 11

I have never spent so much time on Facebook; it is absolutely alight. And thank God for it otherwise how would I have coped on my own with just the dogs for company. I have made new contacts, resurrected old ones and whilst being alone I can’t say I am lonely.

Felt moved to write a short story about people in a small community dealing with this nightmare. I posted it and it went down a storm so finished part two today and will start posting that.

I need to get more structure in my days. I know we are encouraged to take advantage of this lockdown and chill out, read, pursue our solitary hobbies, watch T.V. and I must try and be a little kind to myself while I am stuck in this bubble. Maybe try and do something I need to do, something I should do and something I want to do each day. Trouble is I have so much going round in my head. I am so tense I ache everywhere. I cannot do any more in terms of work or money so it will be what it will be.

Day 12

The sun is shining and we are being instructed not to go out and take advantage of it but to stay put indoors in the name of stopping the spread of this wretched virus. I won’t take the dogs out today. I had been able to walk them in a private field forgetting that grass irritates their paws and their undercarriage where long grass can brush against them. They have therefore been scratching like mad. I have dipped them into warm water with bicarbonate of soda and in one case, have had to apply Savlon. I’ll take them out when they have settled back down again. No, today I shall venture as far as the village shop and that will be my lot.

The news is making it very clear that this is no passing fancy – we are in it for the long haul I think. Even Trump, who said America would be back to normal by Easter has adjusted his attitude – maybe he should have added a rider that said ‘but don’t ask which Easter.’

Whilst some continue to flout the rules, the rest of us are adapting to a completely different way of life. How long for? Who knows? Who will be brave enough to say we have beaten the thing and can return to normal? How many of us will believe them? It could so easily flare up again especially with all the movement from overseas. How many of the habits developed during this time will we carry over when it is apparently all over? Will we still wash our hands obsessively? Will we start sanitizing our supermarket trollies? Will we be less quick to hug each other, be less tactile in general? And what of the economic recovery? The questions are endless and there are no answers right now. We can only take it one step at a time.

There would probably be more sleepless nights to come but for now Sally had got her head around her situation. There would be many difficult bridges to cross further down the line but she could only deal with them as she encountered them. Meanwhile, her journal was a kind of refuge and she got into the habit of retreating to it late at night when the village was in darkness and enveloped in silence. It had become her means of maintaining sanity in an insane world.