How To Make An Imaginary Friend Real

Warning: This list is trademarked by Friendship Federations LTD., and copy writing can be punished with up to a $50,000 fine and 5 years in prison. These punishments are not fake, and 100% real. Disbelief in these punishments shall result in a $100 fine and 10 years in prison. All punishments and warning are completely real and will be put to use if the need comes.

INTRODUCTION

So, you have an imaginary friend, huh? So many people do these days, and it can be SO frustrating when people claim they "are not real", even though they are to you. But, you can't do anything about it. Or can you? This list of 10 easy steps will allow for the best friend of your wildest dreams to exist! With real life examples of how I made my imaginary friend real, this will make you rethink friendship.

STEPS TO FRIENDSHIP WITH AN IMAGINARY FRIEND TURNED REAL

1. Be Alive- You can't have friends or even imaginary friends if you aren't alive! In my life, I've known many dead people who had friends, but they can't anymore. Because they are dead.
2. Know What A Friend Is- If you are only 3 years old, you don't really know what a friend is. Like, is the friend kind or mean? Do they have similar interests as you? Would they burn down the world for you? As many friends as I've had, my imaginary friend -Elizabeth Potterton the 3rd- has been the best one yet. She loved everything that I did, and more.
3. Have An Idea Of What Your Friend Is Like- If you don't know your friend or what they are like, you don't really have a friend. I mean, what if they are just backstabbers who leave you because they have another imaginary friend? I definitely don't know anything about that.
4. Get Some Paper and Some Pens- Now that you have an idea of your imaginary friend, you must draw them. Drawing makes it easier to know what they look like. Also give them some personality traits and a gender. I once wrote down a friend, without personality, and he was terrible. Didn't know anything.
5. Color Your Friend In- If you haven't already, give your friend some color. Don't let them be bland and tasteless. I made that mistake once. Yuck.
6. Place Your Paper Friend On The Windowsill- You can only do this on the 9th of even months. When you see the first star of the night, make the wish of: "Please let this friend be real so I am not called a weirdo anymore please"
7. Name Your Friend: You probably should have done this earlier, but your friend will need a name. Don't do any stupid names like CeeCee or MJ. Do normal names like Reginaious or Michaelarion. It's what I did.
8. Hope- Your friend doesn't always come when you want them to, or even at all. So, you just have to hope. If you don't hope, your friend won't come, no matter what.
9. Act Like Your Friend Exists- You can now see your friend after about 9 months of their creation! And you can hear them! Other people might give you weird looks when you speak to your friend, but I promise that it is because they just haven't met your friend yet.
10. Be Happy and Spend Time With Your Friend- It took you this long to get your friend? Well, go spend time with them. What are you doing?! I mean, you don't want them fading away on you.

Thank you for buying this list, and I hope that it brings you immense joy. My best friend, Elizabeth Potterton the 3rd, has been here with me the whole time, reading along and giving me pointers. She has been a good friend since I was young, and I hope you get a friend as good as her!

Another Warning: Some friends might turn out to truly not be real. You can fight if you wish, but the friend just is not real. Many people have been sent to mental health institutions because of false friendships. This product may cause aggressiveness, anger, doubt, hallucinations, forgetfulness, lying, and aggressiveness. Please note that any and all who do not listen in regards to this label shall be condemned by ignorance and arrogance.

Produced by Friendship Federation LTD in Smyrna, TN. Shipping Number 12-53-88-293. Made in Canada.

Yet Another Warning: Fading of friends, friendships, and users may occur. Fading is when the belief in the friend or user is no longer viable, and they fade from existence. If your friend fades, Friendship Federation LTD is not responsible or able to be held accountable for any fading or losses of the user, the friendship, or the friend.

Warning Number 4: Some friends may turn against the user or turn evil. This has happened multiple times, so this warning is to give instructions on how to make the friend good or to get rid of the evil friend.

INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO GET RID OF AN EVIL FRIEND

1. Find the paper on which you created the friend. The friend might have hidden the paper so that you cannot find it, but it is able to be found.
2. Start a fire, rip the paper, or eat the paper. This will destroy what the friend looks like, leaving only small thoughts and traces of the friend.
3. Forget the friend. The friend you have needs your thoughts and memories in order to live. By forgetting the friend, you have gotten rid of it.
4. Throw the list away and toss out the key. There is no need to keep the list, because others might accidentally use it and have to go through this process all over again.
5. Make sure that every single trace of the friend is gone. And anything that had been touched, breathed on, or thought of has traces of the friend, and you must rid yourself of them. Burn the objects, throw the people out, whatever you must do.