Stargazing

Tim stood at the edge of the cliff, staring up at the clear night sky. The velvety midnight blue was shot through with thousands and thousands of stars, each twinkling brightly. Higher up the full moon gleamed with a yellowish light. It all seemed so calm and peaceful, the antithesis of Tim’s life. He was struggling to cope with his new role in the solicitors’ partnership and the extra responsibilities and stresses it involved. True he enjoyed the added status and the pay rise, but he had not realised the far-reaching changes the promotion would bring. It had robbed him of any meaningful social life, any time for himself and now any feeling that the situation would improve. He had tried to explain his feelings to his father but had met with the latter’s usual lack of empathy and his often-repeated advice to stop being a wimp and get on with things.

That had proved the last straw, leaving Tim with the conviction that the best thing for everyone would be if he ended things now. So, he had driven the twenty or so miles to the coast and parked in the deserted car park. A footpath followed the cliff, separated from the drop by a belt of scrub about ten feet wide and by a barbed wire fence.

“Not much of a deterrent,” Tim thought, as he bent double and squeezed between the two layers of wire.

One of the barbs snagged on his coat as he began straightening up, tearing a hole in his sleeve. Under normal circumstances it would have annoyed him, but tonight was different.

“No problem,” he thought. “I won’t need it much longer.”

A few more strides and he reached the cliff edge. A gentle breeze blew off the sea, bringing with it the tang of salt air. It made Tim pause and take a deeper breath.

For some unaccountable reason, Tim had brought his Collie, Sam, with him. It was probably just habit. Whenever Tim went out to the countryside or the coast, Sam always accompanied him, sitting in the rear of the car, wagging his tail and panting with excitement. Tim had bought him as a pup, taken him to training classes and they had even gone on holiday together. Their bond was inseparable and Sam’s love and loyalty were unquestionable. In return Tim loved him and could never harm him.

For a second though, he had forgotten that he had brought Sam with him, only remembering when a wet muzzle pushed his hand and Sam whined softly.

“Always a Collie,” Tim thought. “Too bloody clever for their own good.”

He looked down and in the dim moonlight he could see a pair of brown eyes staring steadily back at him. Sam leant against him and whined again, knowing something was wrong, but without be able to help. Tim stretched out his hand and nuzzled Sam’s ear, feeling it soft and warm against his fingers. That touch released something deep inside Tim and tears gently began to flow. He bent down and cuddled Sam, who responded by licking his face and ears.

“I love you too, Sam,” Tim mumbled between licks. “I can’t do this to you. We’ll go home in a moment.”

He waited until he felt calmer and then threaded his way through the fence, making sure that Sam was following. On the drive home, Sam slept on the back seat, snoring softly.  He woke when the car stopped and then fell asleep again on Tim’s bed, keeping him company.

The following morning Tim woke late. It was a Friday and he was meant to be at work, but he phoned in sick, saying he must have eaten something that disagreed with him.

“I’ll have the weekend to think things over,” he told himself and that was exactly what he did. Ten years earlier, his father had persuaded him not take a gap year, but to go straight to university when he left college. It was a decision he had always regretted, feeling that he had missed out on a chance to explore the world and that he would never have that opportunity again. Or at least if he did, it would not be until his old age, when he might not be fit enough to enjoy it.

“What if,” he asked himself, “I explain the situation to the firm and ask them for a sabbatical? It would give me time to decide what I want to do, without having to abandon my career immediately. I’ve got some savings I can use if need be and I might be able to find some work whilst I’m travelling.”

At that point Sam nudged him. Tim smiled.

“OK. You win. Whilst we’re travelling. I won’t leave you behind.”

First thing on Monday morning he went into work and asked to speak to the senior partner. He explained the situation and to his surprise the reaction was better than he had anticipated.

“We don’t want to lose you, but I can see the strain you are under. It’s not a decision I can make on my own, so I’ll speak to the other partners. It may take a few days to get back to you, so are you ok with continuing work until then?”

Tim agreed, finding it easier to concentrate on his job now that he knew there might be an end in sight. If the worse came to the worse, he could simply give them a month’s notice and then leave.

Three days later he was called back into the senior partner’s office.

“Don’t worry. Everyone was sympathetic. Take six months off. We’ll keep your post open for you, but please let us know at the end of five months whether you’re coming back or not. We want you to, of course, but it’s your decision.”

It was more generous than he was expecting and was the best safety net he could have been offered.

He stayed until the end of the week, then cleared his desk of all his personal belongings. It felt strange packing everything into a cardboard box, somehow very final, but at the same time very liberating.

That night Tim celebrated with a steak dinner, well two steak dinners. One for him and one for Sam, who gulped it down, practically without chewing it.

After they had eaten, he took an old road atlas from his bookcase and began flicking through it.

“Where shall we go then?” he asked Sam. “Somewhere with plenty of open country for walks and streams for swimming?”

Sam barked at the word “walks”, wagging his tail enthusiastically.

“How about Scotland? We’ve never been there and now I’ve borrowed a camper van, we don’t need to find hotels that accept dogs.”

Sam tilted his head to one side, making his tongue loll out. He looked intently at Tim, as if he were trying to understand his words.

“I take it that’s a yes then. We’ll get any camping gear and food that we need tomorrow and set off the next day.”

Sam barked in agreement.

Two days later they began their meandering journey to Scotland. They left the South Coast and stopped off for a couple of days in the Cotswolds, visiting the picturesque villages with their honey coloured stone cottages, thatched roofs and gardens. Then northwards, with a few days in the Lake District. Tim had visited Windermere and Coniston as a child, but now took the opportunity of seeing the smaller and less commercial lakes. Sam enjoyed their walks in the hills and his swims in the becks, even though the water was cold. Finally, they undertook the last leg along the M6 to the point where a road sign bearing a saltire and the words “Welcome to Scotland. Faìlte gu Alba” marked the point at Gretna Green where the border separates the two countries. They pulled into the services for a snack and then visited the old blacksmith’s, where wedding services are still carried out.

Then they pressed on past Glasgow and spent the night in a designated camping site on the shores of Loch Lomond. Tim was woken by the first rays of light creeping up from behind Ben Lomond. They sat side by side, watching the sky suffuse with oranges and reds as the sun rose. The waters of the loch reflected the colours and a thin layer of mist of rose skywards. Tim thought it the most beautiful scene he had seen in years.

Their next stop was Oban, where Tim planned to take a ferry for the Hebrides.

“A ticket for Mull, please,” he asked at the ticket office, “with a camper van and a dog.”

“Ach, you’ll be wanting a Rover ticket then,” the clerk responded.

“Is that a special ticket for dogs?”

“Nae lad, it’s rover as in roving about. It allows you to use any ferry you want for a week or a fortnight, depending on which ticket you buy.”

“A Rover ticket for a fortnight then please.”

Tim paid and returned to the van, where Sam was waiting for him. As they queued to board the ferry, Tim explained the confusion about the name of the ticket, laughing as he reached the punchline. The humour was obviously lost on Sam, who simply responded by licking Tim’s face.

They sat on the deck of the ferry, watching the scenery change as they left the harbour, then passed the island of Kerrera, before reaching the open water. The sun sparkling on the sea and the sound of the gulls calling overhead, soothed Tim’s senses. He realised that he was far enough away from his work and his home for his pulse to have slowed and his mood to have lightened. He was sleeping better too, with no nightmares.

Tim had chosen the route carefully, using the ferry to Mull as a stepping-stone on his way to Iona. He had never had any profound religious beliefs but had seen pictures of the old monastery on the internet and decided it would be worth a visit. It involved crossing Mull from the landing point in Craignure, driving to Fionnphort and then taking a smaller ferry for the extremely short, but potentially choppy crossing to Iona.

“I’ve arranged a night in a B&B,” Tim told Sam, as they parked the camper at Fionnphort. “You’d better be on your best behaviour!”

Sam barked in reply and wagged his tail. Tim booked into their accommodation as soon as they arrived on Iona, leaving the other ferry passengers to head to the monastery. Tim followed them later when the crowds had cleared and the lanes were almost empty. Sam waited patiently outside whilst Tim explored the old building, feeling the calm and peace that seemed to ooze from the stones. That feeling intensified after the last ferry left for the evening, leaving only the locals and a handful of tourists on the island.

After dinner Tim and Sam went for a walk along the beach, playing in the rock pools and skimming flat stones across the waves. Finally, Tim sat on a boulder and gazed across the short stretch of water that separated them from Mull. Sam sat at his feet, happy to have his ears stroked.  

Iona was everything that Tim had expected and much more. It left him feeling meditative and happy too. He looked down at Sam and realised that without him, he would probably have thrown himself off that cliff. The bond between them was too strong to have broken it.

Night was falling and it seemed that it was bringing an episode in his life to a close.

“Tomorrow’s another day,” he said to Sam, when he finally left the beach to return to their overnight accommodation. “Let’s see what it brings!”

Sam rubbed against his leg and then trotted happily along beside him. Tim paused at the door of the B & B and looked up, gazing in awe at the myriad stars twinkling above him. He had never seen so many before.