I sat behind the glossed wooden desk too big for me, hat tipped for the no-games look. My tiny fingers ran across the desk, touching a paper and puling it to my side. To whom it may concern,
If Deddy Henry Hamfrin does not find a partner by the date of January 18, 2023, he may be resigned from the force. Yeah right. If this hamster couldn't find a partner, I would be signed off the force. But what if I just found a sidekick to follow me? Much better. I squirmed in my chair. The intercom came on. It was loud, not helping in my small cubical office, that was really one in thirty in the not-so-giant room. Giya's voice came on through the intercom. "Mr. Hamfrin, I have thirteen people in line."
"Send them in," I said, and lept off my chair. I put a booster seat on the cushion to make me look taller, then climbed back on. I may be looking for a partner, but there was no way I was going to allow them to think I was a pitiful detective. Or small one, at that.
A walrus entered. He was bigger than me. I instantly had him leave and send the next person in.
A gerbil entered next. She sat in my guest chair, looking nervously around.
"Your name?" I asked.
"Buh-by, sorry-h-h-Buh-bhannah," she whispered, almost afraid of me. I looked at her like a moron.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..........Bhunnah. Nice to meet you," I said, unsure, looking around, staring at the plant in the corner. There was no way this was going to be my partner. No way. But I had to make this-this person feel better. She was literally acting like the docs had just removed her fleas and she had to go to the bathroom really bad.
"Um, yes, ni-ice to meet y-you too, ma'am, I mean SIR!! Yes, I meant SIr!! Sorry, um, sir, Deddy, um, no, Hamfrin! Yes, Mr. Hamfrin, sir," the gerbil said loudly, clearly confused. She held her temples and began cursing in the gerbil's ancient language. After that, I had to get her out.
God, she put up a fit! Something about kids and lollipops and dead ferrets and grandpa who murdered a bird and kid!!! Plus someone who had used a hot coal and burned town hall! I had to pay Bhunnah a large check to get her to leave my office. (Which meant also to never return).
The next person to enter was a brown quokka. It had the cutest face and was one of the rare animals you found in Ginny's animal village that actually smiled at the camera.
The quokka was wearing a tiny pink bow tie and purple polka dot mittens. He (or she. No telling with these animals) took of the mittens and shook his (or her) fur. The quokka looked at me, then turned to the guest chair, struggling to get on it. I started to work on paperwork and read over this quokka's profile. After five minutes, I heard a giant sigh and looked up. The quokka was finally in the chair.
Well, one thing that was good: the quokka was smaller than me.
I smiled. "So, what are your skills?" I asked.
"Pachuca Kinahy Tru Grilden Fi!!!!!!" the quokka responded. I forgot. Quokkas have their own language, which, as far as I'm concerned, no one knows how to decipher it. Not even the Rose Stone has the rare language engraved. They also don't understand us, or our language, the most normal and easiest language ever. Quokkas must be extremely dumb.
"Uh......name?" I asked.
"Hunter Frecious Lebven!!!!" the quokka said excitedly. I nodded. Male. He's hired.
I shook the quokka's hand, and he looked at me curiously. "You're hired," I emphasized. The quokka stood still as a stone, eyes darting around, processing it. Then, he jumped up.
"YATRBUBOOO!!!!!!" It squeeled, and booked it. He ran into the women's restroom to catch his breath. Er, Hunter. But the lady's shrieked and he ran out, still excited.
I was about to call up Giya, but my phone rang. I reached across the table and retrieved it.
"Sergeant, you're needed on the force. A murderer escaped the crime scene. Track him down." Chief of Detectives Harold Turner boomed through the line. I nodded. "Right away, sir."
"You better have that partner," Chief growled. I nodded quickly and scribbled the address of the house on a napkin.
"Hunter, c'mon!!!! We have a case to solve!!!!!!!!" I called. Hunter ran as fast as his tiny legs could carry him.
We got in my car and drove about a block away from the scene. "He couldn't have gotten far," I said, voice hushed.
Hunter nodded his chubby head, and peered out the window, sniffing the glass. His ears suddenly perked up, and twitched. He jumped up, a scared look on his face, and dove into the trunk.
"What???" I asked excitedly. If Hunter had noticed something, and we caught the criminal, this could mean a promotion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hunter," I said in my best sing song voice, "What did you see?" I was smiling way to creepily.
"Hytrasd gimmu Flantyi!!!!!!!!" Hunter said, and pointed to the window.
And there she was, a hot babe with bright red, wavy hair, and a gold, skin showing bikini. She was in the bar, her black as stone heels hanging down from a bar chair at George's Pub. Her sleek golden shorts hid a knife. Her manicured hands reached back and slowly pulled out the knife, unsuspecting to the monkey she was kissing. Her blue eyes glanced down before she took her light auburn lips off the monkey and stabbed him in the chest.
Wait. This was Saraih-Monesk Jenkins.
I looked at the murderer, a smile on my face. I jumped out of the car and opened the trunk. "Hunter," I started. "We're in business."
"Jbe?" Hunter asked curiously, exiting the trunk.
I smiled, eyeing Sariah as she ran out of the bar, pulling out a smoke bomb and throwing it at the building.
"That, my friend, means you be the bait, and I be the cake."