Stretched for time

Stretched for time.

The three of them just stood there whispering, like they don't have a worry in the world. Nonchalant at its best, but looks can be deceiving. They were here to do business.

My nerves were getting the better of me. Sweat lined my brow, threatening to spill over and sting my eyes. The stress crept up my neck and began throbbing in my head. I had a good idea why they were here.

The Righteous Brothers’ Unchained Melody softly filled the room and their lyrics ‘And time goes by so slowly, And time can do so much,’ were so appropriate it added to the surreal feel of the situation. Time had, in fact, stood still.

‘Time is running out for you, man’, the man said through clenched teeth as he walked over to us. He wore a Harry Potter mask while the other two wore Minions masks, Kevin and Stuart I think. They were very average otherwise, height and build, wearing black everything, gloves and hoods.

‘I want those friggin codes or things will really start getting ugly.’ he spat at me and looked at the pizza delivery guy bleeding on my carpet.

‘I told you monkeys it's no use. You have the wrong guy.’ I tried to sound as calm and confident as possible.

They had already broken the pizza delivery guy's nose shortly after I opened the front door for him, thirty minutes ago. They must have been listening when I called for a pizza delivery earlier. They've obviously done their homework because they certainly do have the right guy. I wasn't going to admit this, of course, but would try and stretch this out for as long as possible. They could have snatched me and taken me hostage anywhere but like this there are fewer or no witnesses.

When the pizza delivery guy doesn’t show up again at the shop someone’s going to start getting worried and then they'll start looking for him. That is something these monkeys didn’t think through when they decided to take us hostage.

‘Hey, what's your name?’ I asked the pizza guy ignoring my captor. Trying to show him I wasn't intimidated.

‘Terry’ he said nervously and looked up, expecting ‘Harry Potter’ to give him another pistol-whipping.

The other two clowns returned to their respective tasks. The Stuart minion had set up a laptop on my dining room table and the Kevin minion kept a lookout and went from window to window, parting the curtain and peeking out into the night while giving us a nervous look between checks. ‘Harry’ was still hovering trying to look menacing. I was starting to think that these jokers were pretty new to the game or someone put them up to it. They were too nervous to be pros.

‘I should have had the night off tonight and gone to the movies with my girl,’ he said softly. ‘But instead I get stuck here with you morons,’ he said a bit more boldly. He looked at me and said, ‘Just give them what they want dude.’

‘I don't know what they want man, they've got the wrong guy.’I said sternly looking at each of them.

‘That's not what we've been told’, Harry blurted out,' you're the one holding the key to the crypto-vault. You bloody well know what we're after.’ he said desperately.

‘Well, your source is wrong, man. I don't know what you want!’

The nervous Kevin minion rushed over and grabbed Terry by the scruff of the neck and slipped a .45 from his jacket pocket. On the other side of the mask I see nervous, jittery eyes. They looked at me, daring me to say no again. Time stood still. My mouth went dry, my heart skipped a beat and my hands got sticky. He looked serious, I was nervous. He cocked the hammer of the pistol and rested the barrel against Terry’s temple.

‘Let's just all calm down.’ cried Harry.

The Kevin minion looked hard at me, his eyes narrowed behind the mask, ‘You've got five seconds to save his life.’

Terry’s phone rang. We all jumped, then froze. The ringtone ripped through the silence like a foghorn. The ringtone was a foghorn and it blared again and again. Nobody moved. It stopped. Nobody moved. Nobody breathed.

A few seconds later it started blaring through the room again. ‘Harry’ and the Kevin minion looked at one another and simultaneously realised their mistake.

‘Answer it!’ ‘Harry’ shouted. ‘Tell them you're having car trouble, you've had a flat and you're trying to get another. Do it!’ he shouted again and waved his pistol around.

Terry fiddled in his jacket and pulled out his phone, he looked at the screen and showed it to the other two. ‘The boss,‘ he said feebly.

‘Answer it, you fool,’ ‘Harry’ shouted again pointing the pistol directly at him, ‘and put it on speaker!’

‘Hallo?’ His boss blasted him from the other side of the screen in an indistinct electronic mumble. Terry looked around nervously, unsure what to do. ‘I'm having car trouble, boss. Sorry, I should've called.’ More screaming from the other end, ‘Yes I know boss, sorry.’ Terry looked around again and then quickly said ‘ Hey boss, one more thing, the previous order was a ninety-nine, ok.’ There was silence on the other end, more mumbling. ‘Yes I'm sure. Definitely a ninety-nine boss.’ Short mumbling from the boss and Terry ended with a ‘See you in a bit, boss.’ Terry tapped the red phone on the screen.

‘What's a ninety-nine mister pizza man?’ The Kevin minion asked slowly, pointing his pistol straight at Terry's eye.

‘It's unpaid and is to go on account,’ Terry replied quickly and calmly like it was a normal thing even though there was a gun barrel three centimeters from his face. The Kevin minion looked at him suspiciously for a minute then lowered his weapon. The Kevin minion turned to walk away then Terry looked at me and winked. I wasn't sure what that meant but I think he just shut the door on these knuckleheads.

I came back into the limelight. ‘The codes?’ Harry shouted at me and waved his gun around some more. I think they could also sense the end was near because all three of them were not so nonchalant anymore. The heat had been turned up. Their plan had gone pear-shaped.

I pointed at myself and shouted, ‘Wrong guy!’ At which point Harry walked over and cracked me, back-handed, across the head with his pistol. Pain tore across my right brow, blood flowed and my face burst into flames. My eye felt like it was going to explode. I felt dazed but glared at Harry who raised his weapon for another blow. I held up my hand. He paused, ‘You're still the wrong guy?’ he shouted and gave me a look that said that playtime is over. I wasn't feeling so cocky anymore.

I had responsibilities to my people and they are not the type of people you mess with. I had been with this organisation for a long time and acted as ‘banker’ to keep large sums of money under the radar so the only way these amateurs got wise to me was if someone tipped them off from the inside. It's a very secure environment. Which means someone is after my job. Which meant they knew that they had the right guy.

I don't think these boys realised who they were trying to rip off. If I leaked the crypto-vault codes then they'll be in way over their heads and maybe they'll be lucky to keep their heads. This currency is traceable and nowhere in the world would be safe for these buffoons. I had built in safeguards to protect our currency but that's not the point. Someone is gunning for me, make me the fall guy. I'll find him. First, I've got to get rid of these clowns.

I stood up slowly from my chair, one open hand in the air, the other holding my head together. And walked slowly to the Stuart minion at the computer at my dining room table.

‘What system are you on?’ I asked.

A knock at the front door brought us all to a standstill. They all looked at me questioningly and I just shrugged my shoulders. ‘This is your party guys,’ I whispered.

I looked at Terry and said with a wink, ‘I think your roadside assistance is here.’

The second knock at the door turned into a thump, and then again. I moved towards the door and was stopped by the Stuart minion who was actually bigger than I thought. I realised that it wouldn't look good answering the door with blood running down my face. Nobody amongst us would look good going to the door. It was either a mask or blood, an out-of-control bachelor party. We waited.

The door was thumped a couple more times and then, ‘Open the door, Police!’

I made a dash for the door but the Stuart minion grabbed my arm, I swung around with my fist and connected him on the chin. A lucky shot and he went down. Just then a shot went off behind me and my shoulder felt like a horse kicked it and I tumbled forward. As I rolled over, the front door flew off its hinges landing on top of my legs, pinning me down. Police had stormed in after they had heard the commotion and the shot. A few shots were exchanged and then peace.

I must have bumped my head going down but as I came to I realised I must have passed out from being shot, beaten and rolled around. I was going to be okay, though. Terry had alerted his boss with a panic code who in turn had alerted the police, tracked his phone en viola! Saved my butt from having to explain to my bosses what happened and the three humpty-dumptys sang like canaries. But turns out their employee is a mystery man, an inside man, which means I've got some sleuthing to do.

Which means, well, that's a story for another time….