THE HARDEST PART OF LOVE

Warning: mention of suicide

"I love you, I love you more than the sky loves the cloud, I love you more than the night loves the stars, the waves love the ocean and the bees love the flower". Joseph shouted in front of Lisa's house, it was the first time he had ever confessed his feelings to anyone, and even more, had done it in such a dramatic way. 

He could hear his heart beating louder than ever, his palms sweaty and knees weak. The wind whistled as it passed away, and the sun had hidden its face behind a cloud. All his head would sing was "let her say she loves me back, let her hug me or kiss me and say we belong together".

Lisa's face grew red as she watched him, she was impressed no doubt but she was particularly shy. Her mind and heart bubbled with joy, it was all she wanted to hear ever since she sat next to him during biology class. The neighbors stared at her anticipating her response as she gulped then ran out of the house.

"Hey" she waved to Joseph to come closer, then she whispered, "I love you too". Joseph smiled and hugged her. And so their love story began, they were doomed to go on romantic dates, watch the stars at night together and leave a trail of unforgettable moments.

'The high school sweethearts', the famous term used for auspicious lovers that makes lonely people lonelier. Many were envious of how much they loved each other yet supportive, no one wanted their love to end. Their friends had already teased them about attending their wedding and playing a role that caused their relationships.

"Everything was perfect, so why did she block me on all his social media and stopped talking to me. We are going to the same university, so why?" Lisa had asked her best friend, Jane for the hundredth time as she cried on her silk pillows. Jane could only comfort her, she was also confused, she didn't know what to say and wouldn't either. 

"If he did that with no explanation, and you didn't do anything to question his trust then you probably should forget about him, he doesn't deserve you or a space in your brain". Jane wanted to say that, it was the only thing that came to her mind but she couldn't.

Now the love that everyone envied, seemed to have ended, there were days they would see each other, unable to hug and kiss themselves. Lisa couldn't believe that this was how it would end. She would later find herself, taking deep breaths, her heavy eyes staring at her phone, palms sweaty and her heartbeat taking over the quiet in her car.

"What am I doing?" she wiped off the tear that came out of her eyes, she wanted to know, she felt desperate to know if she wasn't she wouldn't have tried using another number to try and call him but at the same time she knew, she knew if she heard his voice, her mouth wouldn't make a stutter. She was left lonely and empty. She wondered what Joseph would be thinking, does he miss her, why does he avoid her.

Meanwhile, Joseph had been too busy drowning in guilt, cuts filled his forearms, his eyes were tired, he was dehydrated and skinnier. He thought about Lisa all the time. He knew he committed a grave sin by blocking her but he didn't want her to see that he wasn't well, he wanted to tell her, he had wanted to say something every day but he thought that it was rather stupid, he assumed that she wouldn't forgive him. He had destroyed the thing that made him happy, so he chose to stay away.

It wasn't till one day, the very same date that Joseph had confessed his feelings to Lisa, the wind whistled, the sun had hidden its face once again, Joseph could hear birds chirping as he looked outside his window, he felt nostalgia, the scene where he had confessed his love was all that played in his head. It had already been a year so he decided to pass by her house, maybe he would catch a glimpse of her, maybe he might even decide to be all dramatic again and say he was sorry and just maybe she would forgive him and kiss him again.

"Pathetic", he whispered as he stared at her house from the walkway. His eyes looked at the shut window that Lisa looked at when he had said he loved her, he made a fist and bit his lip. He wanted to cry, he wanted to take it all back and tell her the truth, he almost shouted, he almost said I'm sorry but he gave up and started to walk away.

"Joseph?" goosebumps filled his body, he knew that voice anywhere, he had heard it so many times that it was a part of him, he knew it was her but he was scared to turn.

"Joseph?" her voice was more curious. He gulped as he turned, after all, it was he hoped for, an opportunity to explain.

"Lisa", he said softly, tears already falling from his eyes. Lisa's face turned red and before she could say anything, she found her arms around him crying. Joseph couldn't understand why but he hugged her tighter, he had missed her fruity scent and hr soft her.

"I'm so sorry Lisa, I shouldn't have ghosted you, I was ashamed and I wanted you to hate me, I'm so sorry". He cried into her ears.

"What was it, what was so bad that you couldn't tell me?". Lisa pulled away as she looked at his eyes, she was despaired and desperate to know.

Joseph looked away from her eyes, he couldn't say it staring at her. "I wanted to die, Lisa, I was really going to do it but my dad stopped me. I tried so much to hide it from you, I didn't want to be a burden so when it was time for me to go, I needed you to hate me so you wouldn't suffer. it was stupid and I was wrong and I'm really sorry".

Lisa grabbed his face and kissed him, "you fucking idiot, I couldn't have hated you if you hurt me so many times". Joseph cried more and said he was sorry again.

"Hey I forgive you, and I'm sorry that I didn't notice, I'm sorry that you went through that all alone and I'm really happy you aren't dead because if you did die I would lose myself. I love you so much so please don't do that again" Lisa said as she hugged him, the day he had confessed his love had now become more special, it had become the day they reunited and loved each other more.