A Heterosexual Moment

First dates, whether they’re terrible or amazing, aren’t always the best indicators for the compatibility of two people. Sometimes a date is good, for example a date that ends without sex. Some are bad. Like many other bad dates that take you to a trailer park, or a convenience store, or where you get kicked out of someone’s house, this date started at a bar.

We had been in a relationship for a few months. Finding a boyfriend in a place where you bumped into somebody whenever you stepped out of your apartment was difficult though. It’s not surprising, now that I think back on it, that we crossed paths for years in a scene of dimly lit rooms and loud music.

We shared a common sense of humor. Plus he was persistent, and I was guilty of lusting for him. The hair on his wide chest was heavenly smelling when we woke up, and after he worked out. It felt amazing whenever we had sex, his muscles gripping me, his breath down my neck.

We were attracted to each other for different reasons though. He was looking for a friend. I was looking for something else.

Over time it seemed like the dates would get worse and worse. This particular date was somewhere in the middle of our downward spiral.

I’m sure that I probably got off late that night from work and decided to meet up with him to get drunk in public. Macri Park was inside a hovel on the corner of Bedford. A tiny corner stage was spot lit with bright lights. A performer, with heavy makeup in a sparkling dress, mouthed the words in dynamic fashion as they high kicked in the air. Standing at the bar, I watched him enter. I handed him a drink as he walked up to me.

He was yelling at me with a wide smile on his face. The music blasting as the drag queen performed behind me.

“Thanks,” he said grabbing the drink out of my hand.

“How was your day?” I asked.

He groaned before answering, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.”

We moved closer to the stage, and held out dollar bills as the performer sashayed by and grabbed them.

His voice louder than the music, he asked, “Want to go outside and smoke a cigarette?”

“Sure.”

We stumbled outside into a small patio with a few couches crowded with people and stood on the edge.

“That was an amazing sashay” I said, mimicking her rotating shoulders and hips.

 He smiled and looked around. “I came up with a new rap today. Do you wanna read it?” His phone already in his hand held out for me.

I looked at the screen and read for a few lines, “sure,” I responded, laughing lightly. I handed the phone back quickly. “That’s cool. I don’t what exactly you mean by. Doing all those wrong tricks.”

“It’s a metaphor for making mistakes.”

“Oh.”

“I saw something really funny earlier today.” He pulled up a video on his screen.

I laughed along with him.

We stepped inside to get another glass. Then one more turned into two and three and four. And

then we were outside smoking all over again.

“Woah Is me.” He said, imitating a damsel in distress.

“Ha,” I pushed him aside. “Don’t mock me.”

“I can’t believe this guy at work.”

I listened

Two girls sitting on the couch moved over, “Come sit with us.” They sang in unison.

“What’s your name?” One of them asked, her throat harsh as she exhaled.

"I’m Matt.” He announced. “What about you?”

I don’t think I remember their names. We chatted them up though for quite some time. They

bummed a few cigarettes off of us and the circle of chatter didn’t stop.

She had long blonde hair a cool jacket. A sharp smile spread across her face. The conversation somehow shifted. He snuck up behind her ear and whispered something. I smiled placidly as they laughed, both of them staring at me.

I laughed along with them.

Then he spat out of the blue, “Yeah he’s been thinking about having sex with women.

Her eyes low, she leaned in towards me. “What made you curious?” I leaned back. “You know I wouldn’t mind going home with you two. No pressure.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to.”

“It’s just sex.”

I laughed some more. “I don’t think so.”

I went inside to refill my drink, leaving them out on the patio. Later, he met me inside.

“Lets go.”

“Okay,” he followed behind me.

We walked for a few blocks, him eventually taking the lead.

“Yeah I could have had sex with her.”

“I don’t have problems finding anyone.”

“It would have been meaningless though.”

  “Everyone loves me.”

I was fuming. Extremely upset because of the stupid shit that was coming out of his mouth. I kept my mouth shut. I felt to awkward to respond. So I let him continue. I guess inside I felt awkward. It was clear that this was the worst part of him. He was arrogant and although I loved his outside I saw that he was extremely damaged inside.

“I love that rap that I made.”

“Man I can’t believe, that chick was totally down to have sex.”

“I’ll probably meet up with them tomorrow so.”

I crossed my arms and followed a ways behind him.

He continued to talk.

For the rest of the walk home I said nothing while he continued to talk until finally we opened the door of his building, walked down his hall, and entered his apartment in silence.  There were a few more tumultuous months after that. Command and Conquer might have been what kept our relationship alive. That time was infused with liquor as well. We broke up maybe a few times before he finally moved away.