Just another one Halloween

*

Tomorrow is Halloween. And I wait for this day all year long.

It doesn't matter if it's sunny and bright or gloomy and rainy. I love the smell of fallen leaves and the pitch black fog. Houses covered in cobwebs, scary faces carved in pumpkins and dozens of eaten candies. Joy, sweet anticipation, and... fear of everything supernatural that only slightly tingles nerves. Still, it's more of a day of fun.

You might think I'm a child getting ready to trick-or-treat or perhaps a mother of a family who can't wait to arrange an unforgettable decorated party.

However the fact is that I am a ghost. And I can only leave my shelter on October 31st. I think it's very cruel to give a person life after death but only in a limited space. Each passing year my confidence in the fact that I am trapped in purgatory only grows stronger. I was neither a saint when I was alive nor a scoundrel so I am waiting for my fate in a dusty dilapidated barn on the outskirts of the town. I was put in a closet and forgotten for all eternity like a useless thing. If I lose my mind I can be written off. Yet if I just could wait probably will find out what happens next. I exist and count day by day from November 1 to October 30 to remember what it's like to be alive.

You might also think that being a ghost is pretty exciting. Judging by the movie excerpts I've been lucky enough to see an abandoned building full of dirt is a favorite location for horror movies. Unfortunately I don't know any other ghosts. Still got the impression that each of us is alone. Of course people are also afraid of lonely wraith who want nothing more than to mock the unfortunate and scare the hell out of those who want to explore abandoned houses. Nevertheless something like that happens only in the movies. Over the years I have not encountered a single person who would be attracted to my “mysterious” hut. Furthermore it's not like I'm really striving to kill anyone.

Besides so far as I could tell from my Halloween walks people don't see or feel me at all. The first day I greeted people and smiled like a madman. The second day I scared people and howled furiously pretending to be a horror movie hero. The third day I walked through them and it didn't seem to make any impression no matter what the books said. So I decided that I shouldn't plunge even further into the abyss of despair. I have one day and I have to fully enjoy it. At least I can see, smell and hear. Thus for the next year I lived the life of each of the people I met on all hallows eve. Obviously only in my imagination.

People love hope. And you would probably like to support me with an idea such as studying. Finally there is no hurry you can spend these hours reading books. But the problem is that I cannot touch not only people. My aerial hands cannot hold anything or even turn a page.

I hope you have fully caught on the miserable nature of my existence therefore you will also be able to understand that disappearing into the dark obscurity seems frightening only at first.

*

Nearly all of allotted hours had passed. The sun had disappeared behind the horizon painting the sky in a strange purple color. You could smell the campfires in the air filled with wee ice pieces.

In the morning I managed to sneak into a crowded coffee shop. You might imagine I had no troubles passing through walls, doors and windows whereas people were not an obstacle on my way but nay! No advantages for ghosts. Luckily a few people were not quick enough to close the door. So I was able to find out a couple little stories to keep my mind busy for the next year.

People seem to have become more relaxed in the years since my death however their stories don't change much. I learn more details that I would rather not know. But they live the same lives, experience the same emotions, tell the same stories. I feel that if I lose this last entertainment of mine it will be the end. Although who knows maybe demention wouldn't be so bad.

Briefly I wandered a bit discouraged among the crowd of toddlers, schoolchildren and teenagers. As usual they were dressed in scary and not-so-scary costumes. Their painted faces were glowing with delight and their bags and baskets were full of various sweets. "Trick-or-treat!" was heard everywhere with music blaring and voices shouting. This cacophony made it difficult to concentrate and in general it was too much déjàvu. That's why I didn't immediately notice the little ghost sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. The tiny white figure was almost invisible in the midst of this crowd. If I hadn't been weaving my way through the bodies of people I would hardly have been able to nigh it.

There was no hope it was another representative of purgatory. After all my look was nearly the same as in previous life just lucent. Only a sullen child in a costume was sitting on the curb. It was not the first or the last lost child I met in my afterlife. I could never help anyway because I could not be seen or heard.

Nevertheless I stood by the small figure and listened to its quiet sobs. Suddenly the ghost raised its head and starred at me.

“What is wrong with you?” it asked me.

I had been struck as by thunder. Somehow I answered automatically:

“Are you asking me?”

The little spook looked around and pulled off the sheet. It was a girl of about 6 years old. Although her eyes were red because of tears she looked rather judgmental.

“There is no one else here but you. And you are not like the others.”

I was still terribly confused. Could I have been talking to children all this time?

“Of course I can see you. What is wrong with you?”

“If you are surprised by my transparency I have a simple explanation," I finally managed to recover a bit. “The fact is that I am a ghost.”

The girl looked at me seriously and appraisingly. Explanation seemed to satisfy her. She nodded and focused at the asphalt.

“What's your name?” I asked and sat down next to her.

“I don't think I'm allowed to talk to you. You're a stranger,” she said reluctantly.

It was hard to disagree with her.

“Yes but I'm just a ghost. I can't even touch you, look," I patted her shoulder, and as usual, my hand just passed through.

“Can you walk through walls too?” she quickly forgot the instructions about strangers. Her eyes lit up.

“I'm going to have to disappoint you. No, I can't.”

“What a pity. I'm Lisa and you are..?”

Suddenly I realized I couldn't tell her my name.

“Uh... It seems, Lisa, that I don't quite remember who am,” I answered in surprise. I had always remembered previous life in small pieces, probably like any other person though only now I comprehended there were no names.

“You must be a very old boggle so just forgot,” Lisa was not confused. "I'll call you Jim. It's nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” and the joy I felt at that moment could certainly have been felt even by all those for whom I did not exist. “My dear Lisa, you seem to be lost.”

“I am. My mother used to say that in such cases you should stay where you are.”

“Maybe she also said to get up as high as possible and somehow draw attention to yourself?” I smiled. “I doubt they could find you among all these people while you were sitting on the ground.”

“I don't remember. So what shall we do now?”

“You probably know your name and address? You look old enough.”

Lisa mumbled. I had the opportunity to get a closer look at her appearance. Strands of dark blond hair poked out from a thin cotton cap but the girl's eyebrows and eyelashes were quite light. Intelligent brown eyes, a few specks of freckles as a reminder of summer - that's all that was worthy of attention on her rather ordinary childish face. The girl was dressed in a beige jacket, rhinestone jeans and mud-covered sneakers. A pumpkin-shaped basket stood abandoned next to a dusty sheet.

“I am mature enough. I go to school already,” Lisa said. “Of course I know my address. Still my mom is here somewhere looking for me. She won't come home.”

“I'm surprised with such a deep analysis in a situation like this. Could you suppose your mom might think you went home? Maybe there's another adult at home? Your dad?”

I finally seemed to have the opportunity to help someone who needed it instead of just wandering around. However Lisa didn't seem to be looking for easy ways.

“Mom said to stay put,” she said sternly.

“Okay then. At least let's search some platform so your mom can see you,” I suggested to the little stubborn girl.

This probably didn't go against her mother's instructions so Lisa got up and headed determinedly toward the trash cans in front of the nearest house. I didn't expect her to be so agile therefore fell behind and had time to browse around. There were fewer people on the street but as far as I could see no panicked woman running around looking for her child. Yes, she might not have been panicking nevertheless the feelings own children evoke will not allow her to calmly and politely ask passersby if they have seen a cute little girl in a ghost costume. The fear for your children bowers and overwhelms. Parents cannot be tranquil and completely prudential in similar cases.

Meantime Lisa climbed onto the tank and screamed at the top of her lungs:

“Mommy!”

A few people turned around generally showing a certain level of indifference.

“Get out of here!" an old drunk man came out of the house. “Go away, girl! That's who's knocking over my tanks, I'll get you now!" he took a couple of steps toward Lisa thus she jumped down and ran to me.

“It was a stupid idea,” she mumbled embarrassed.

“I don't think I've seen your mom around here,” I said. “I think we should go to your house. Sooner or later she'll be back there.”

Without dignifying me with an answer Lisa just waved her hand. I decided it was a suggestion to follow her and we began to make our way through the much thinned-out crowd. She had completely lost interest in the conversation and could barely move her feet. She seemed to be worried about something unknown to me so I just decided to give her time pretending we were old friends. And friends are comfortable in silence. Actually I'm used to being content with smidgen.

*

Our journey took no more than fifteen minutes. We were both like ghosts among the cheerfully painted demons and monsters. Hardly a single living soul noticed us.

Finally we found ourselves in front of a house. It was an almost ordinary suburban house with a white picket fence and a slightly neglected lawn. There was not a single pumpkin or spider web at the entrance. The lights were on the ground floor and it seemed to be crowded.

Without looking at me Lisa knocked. The door opened in about three seconds as if we have been expected.

“Oh, Lisa! Thank God!” an elderly, fat woman with a tired face exclaimed. “I've already gathered everyone to go looking for you!”

Lisa looked at me guiltily and slowly walked in. I followed her.

“Grandma, I'm going upstairs. I'm sorry,” she probably went to her room and I stayed in the hallway.

Her grandmother meanwhile turned to the dozen people crammed into the small living room:

“You know this isn't for the first time Lisa struggling since her parents...” the old woman's voice trembled. “However thank you for coming again.”

People burbled words of support and left patting her on the shoulder or hugging her. When the living room emptied she sat down helplessly in a chair, tears streaming down her wrinkled face. I decided that I had seen enough and rushed to the second floor.

Having unmistakably identified the right room I knocked.

"Come in.”

"I'd love to but you have to open the door. I don't walk through the walls, remember?" I had to remind her.

Lisa opened the door and sat down on the bed without waiting for me to come in. Her room was quite typical for a little girl. White lace curtains, white furniture, ashy pink wallpaper...

“Are you angry with me?

"Why should I be angry?" I answered with a smile not paltered. “Today was the first time in twenty years I spoke to someone and was heard.”

"I lied to you. Why did you come to me not her?”

I realized that this question had been on her mind from the very beginning.

"Unfortunately I don't know much more about the haunters world than you do. I just found myself in a ruin one day and realized tit is not life. I don't know the others, I've never even seen them. I can only go out on Halloween therefore I was going my usual way and came across the little ghost. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Lisa. You weren't crying because you were lost, were you?

Lisa nodded.

"I just wanted everything to be as it used to," she said, tears welling up in her voice.

"We all want that, my dear. I wish I could give you hope but I don't think I can.”

"Didn't you go back to your family after you died? Even for one day? Didn't you want to see how they were doing without you?" the girl whispered excitedly. "You're not very old, Jim, someone should have been left behind.”

"Someone should have been left behind," I repeated thoughtfully. I never wanted to visit my relatives. I knew for sure that once I had a wife and a daughter, whom everyone called an angel, but I have no idea where they are. I don't know who they are. I'm stuck in purgatory with memories that don't seem to matter to me.

A strange vibration filled my transparent body. I had spent years locked in a cage even not knowing what I was really missing. And it didn't bother me.

"I guess the previous life doesn't matter anymore because I'm ready to start the next one," I finally mumbled.

The vibrations intensified. Lisa looked at me, slowly dissolving in a bright unearthly light. It wasn't me who had to help her to be found. It was she who had to help me.

"I hope so," her voice came to me from afar.

"You have forgotten your candy basket," I suddenly remembered.

"I have everything I need, Jim."

The light came up to and immersed me. It is time to find out what happens next.

P.S. Excuse me for mistakes. English is not my native language. I understand that this translation could be better. Thanks for your time.