Thoughts and struggles of Sima

Having breakfast, Sima use to check news update, not political, not social, not celebrates life's style but the news of job. Yes, she is unemployed. What's big deal! Girls around her also don't ear money but ready to be an obedient house wife. Now she is 22 years old and unmarried. Now why I am telling she's unmarried, if you search unmarried girls of around these age, you may rarely finds someone . Even her twin sister get married 2 years ago and have a baby too. Many of her school friends got married and some of them have two or three children. Some of them were dreams but couldn't fight to fulfill. And some of them were existing, no dreams.

 When Sima was a child, her thoughts may be some different, she saw husband oppressed his wife, and the reason are not so big..the reason may be the women cooked late because lack of lakri or her baby got bow or her mother in law said something wrong about her or ... In this environment Sima's little mind thought how she will manage those matters after getting married. Sima thought if she get married with someone who is familiar to their family may be she can overcome this. She will not be beaten. No one will pressure her for extra dowry . And then she will not have to hang herself in the ceiling fan like Rumi, her neighbour's daughter or eat poison like Rita who was married 100 km away from her village. Then again Sima saw how a father becomes desperate and stress while getting married of their daughter to fulfill the Bridegroom's demand. At her childhood she was unknown to government's rules, as take dowry is a crime . So Sima thought before her marriage if she get a job and become financially self dependent, so that she can help her father by financially. And her husband will not aggrieve her. At that time she was around 7 years old, read in class 2 nearby their house. Sima's brothers watched movies on the 5 inches T. V with D. V. D player. Sima also watched sometimes . There she noticed how education and hard work changed people's luck. She started studying hardly. she thoughts only study can change her luck. She can remember, One of her brother said, "why do you study all the time? even without taking rest after coming from school?. " She smiled and said, "I wanna be a teacher like my school madam." While studying, whether she found something difficulty, her brothers always ready to help her. Her father also do encourages to study but unknown to her thoughts. 

One day, when she was 13 years old, one of her neighbors asked," which class do you read?" She answered, "class seven." Then she heard the comment," oh, so you have 3 years more to complete Madhymik and then you will get married soon." All bad sides of marriage was coming her mind as slide pictures. She putted her head down and close her eyes to keep tears in eyes. Early marriage is really full stops of girls life. 

Her family thought supportive, especially her brothers and mother, but the environment not, if a girl and a boy talk, whether they are talking, and what ever they are talking, they are class mates most of the time but people get a things to gosip and spread about love affairs . Not like that only people were proved wrong, some other day it may heard the boy and girl eloped! Sima also familiar with this thinks. In these case she always used to avoid boys.. She makes friendship with girls and books. She started reading short stories, novel. The novel " Debi Chaudhurani" inspired her very much. One day some of her boy classmates comes to their house to collect yesterday's tuition note, her brother roughly told her not to allow classmate at thir home and don't talk to them even in classroom. Sima is really obedient to her family. 

 One week Sima and her family were busy in paddy field's works. This week she didn't go to school and and because of tiredness she didn't meet with her friends . Sunday morning, one of her friends came to meet her. When she went Sima started crying .later her family members came to know that she missed her annual mock test of class nine because of absent . Tomorrow morning she went to her school with an application and convinced teacher to take her mock test. She happily returned to their house and promised herself that as a student she will always sincere to her first duties. In her Madhymik board exam she ranked topper in her school. It was her first step towards success. After her Madhyamik she took arts subject for her higher secondary education though she loved science more .But could not told it at home, no one will allow it, she knew very well. And these time what the neighbor commented that might be happen. Marriage proposal started coming. "What people think, an adult girl is a marriage material !" Off course she will marry. But let's her dreams be fulfilled. If she goes wrong way it's your duty to show her the right path. You may be her parents, teacher, brother, sister, friend, relative or unknown ones. And the fearful things happen . One day, Sima's parents were talking about her marriage in the dinner table in front of her. She started crying and crying. And told them she will married after getting gob and promised them she shall never put their head be down by her work. For this time, She succeed to understand her parents. 

She complied her higher secondary education with excellent rank and get the chance to study Diploma in elementary education from government's institution. Though her family didn't want to allow her to do the diploma. Because of she has to stay out of home. But as her brother were supporter and she had a believable character too, her parents allowed her. They gave her a keypad phone to keep contact . There She learnt new things, how to interact with students, how a teacher is a friend, philosopher and guide. Boys hostel, girls hotel, staff quarter were different names, in the same campus. Boys and girls did group works together. There has Sima talked with boys. It was like a big family . During her diploma course ,she started liking someone. She never shared her feelings. she had a fear for loosing her family. After 2 years she came back home.

 She has admitted at a college for graduation with English honours. She came to know that Few months back a boy eloped with an immature girl and society allow them to marry, the girl was pregnant. Knowing that, Sima wanted to make a group for teenagers, so that they can choose the right direction. But she didn't do anything. Who is she? What is her identity? Why people listen to her?

 She promised herself let's make the identity first. She started taking preparation for Central Teacher Eligibility Test. She had already attempted her state TET, though the result hasn't published . Now the Covid-19 situation and her families reducing incame gives her stress too. The next challenge is knocking her life. Her graduation is about to complete next year. After that what will happen? Will she passed the CTET? She is busy with this thinks and taking step to go ahead, to change her luck. This days her parents also thinking of her marriage. But she has to make her own identity.