A Giver of Joy and a Bringer of Smiles

"Well, well, well. If it isn't my favorite patient. I was starting to think you'd fled the country to escape my tender mercies."

"Escape you? Please. I've just been busy living my life, which occasionally involves things like falling down and chipping teeth."

"Falling down? Well I thought maybe someone gave you a teeth rattler?"

"Ha ha, very funny. But no, my dental distress is self-inflicted this time. No boxing required."

"You mean you finally cracked under the pressure of your own witty repartee? Well, I'm not surprised. Your mouth has always gotten you into trouble."

"You're one to talk. Yours is like a verbal machine gun, always firing off insults and insinuations. It's a wonder you have any patients left."

"Oh, I prefer to think of them as captive audience. Speaking of which, are you going to let me look at that chipped tooth or not? I do have other patients to tort- uh, treat, you know."

"Treat? Is that what you call it? I call it a cruel punishment. I'm pretty sure there are laws against what you do in that chair."

"Believe me, I am the law when it comes to dental justice. And right now, your mouth is guilty of neglect in the first degree. The sentence is a thorough examination and rehabilitation program, courtesy of yours truly."

"Rehabilitation! More like torture and extortion. You just want to poke and prod around so you can charge me a fortune for unnecessary procedures."

"Hardly. Your mouth is a crime scene, and I'm the detective tasked with solving the case. Now, be a good boy, open it wide and let me do my job."

"I thought that was to protect and serve teeth, not assault and batter them. You should be arrested for malpractice."

"Well, strong words from a man who treats his teeth like they're disposable. When was your last check-up? The Stone Age?"

"Please. I don't need a check-up. My teeth and I are bonded for life, attached at the root. We don't need your meddling to complicate things."

"Ah, but every bond needs a bit of outside intervention now and then! And I'm not meddling, I'm saving your teeth. They are crying out for help, and I'm their knight in shining scrubs."

"Nah, you are more like that mad scientist in a lab coat. I'm onto you, doc. You just enjoy inflicting pain and misery."

"Utter nonsense. I'm a giver of joy and a bringer of smiles. It's not my fault that the path to oral enlightenment is paved with a little discomfort."

"So that‘s what you call it. I call it agony. Pure, unadulterated agony. You're like a one-man Spanish Inquisition."

"Why thank you. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Especially not in a dentist's chair. But I assure you, my methods are far more effective. And more fun, too."

"For who? You? Because I can assure you, there's nothing fun about being at the mercy of a madman with a drill."

"Now please, I prefer the term 'visionary.' I'm pioneering new frontiers in dental care, where no drill has gone before. You should be honored to be a part of this journey."

"To be a guinea pig for your twisted experiments? No, thank you. I prefer my dentists sane and my teeth un-drilled."

"But where's the fun in that? Drilling is by far the best part! The whirring, the grinding, the screams of terror... ah, it's the lovliest music to my ears."

"Yeah, more like a horror movie soundtrack. You're not a dentist, you're a monster. A tooth-obsessed, drill-wielding monster!"

"How rude. I prefer 'dental artist.' Now, enough chit-chat. It's time for your closeup, Mister. And by closeup, I mean a nice, long session with my trusty drill."

"More like rusty drill. When was the last time you sterilized that thing? The Mesozoic Era?"

"Of course it's sterilized. I'm a professional, not a barbarian. Now, say 'ahh' like a good little patient."

"I'm not a child, I'm a grown man. A grown man who's seriously reconsidering his life choices that led him to this chair of horrors."

"Ah, come on, grown men don’t cry like this, and by the way, for this itty bitty drilling work, we don't need any medication. We're just doing it the old-fashioned way."

"What do you mean, ‚the old-fashioned way‘? Whiskey and a leather strap to bite down on?"

"And just how could I work on your teeth if you are biting down on a leather strap?"

"It was worth a try."

"What do you think this is, the Wild West? No no, by ‚old-fashioned‘, I mean with skill, precision, and a healthy dose of sadistic glee."

"I knew it! I bloody knew it! You ARE a monster. A gleeful, grinning, sadistic monster who gets his kicks from torturing the innocent."

"Hardly. Your mouth isn’t innocent, it is guilty as sin. And I'm the judge, jury, and… executioner. Now, open wide and take your punishment like a man."

"For what? For making awful decisions or having a chipped tooth? That's hardly a crime worthy of your particular brand of 'justice.'"

"Worthy or not, you're in my chair now. And in this chair, I am the law. The dental law. And my law says it's time for you to face the consequences of your poor oral hygiene."

"Consequences? What consequences? A little lecture? A slap on the wrist? A lollipop for being a brave boy?"

"Please. I'm not that kind of dentist. I don’t fill cavities and give you an opportunity to build another one. No, your consequences will be much more... memorable. Now, hold still. This might pinch a little..."

"Pinch? Is that what you call it? I call it… ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby. It's just a little drilling. You'll be fine."

"Fine? FINE? I'm in agony here! You call this fine?"

"Please. I've seen children handle this better than you. Where's that brave face of yours?"

"I left that at the door when I saw your torture tools laid out. Along with my dignity and my will to live."

"You are so dramatic! You should've been an actor, you've got the flair for it."

"Ha! If this was a movie, you'd be the villain. The evil, maniacal dentist who tortures helpless patients for fun."

"I prefer to think of myself as dedicated. Dedicated to my craft, to my patients, and to the pursuit of the perfect smile."

"More like perfect nightmare. I'm going to be haunted by this experience for years."

"Nonsense. You'll look back on this and laugh. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but in a few years eventually..."

"The only thing I'll be laughing at is the size of your bill. You should be charging by the scream, not by the hour."

"Don't tempt me. I could make a fortune off you alone."

"You're a real comedian, doc. But seriously, are we almost done? I think I've reached my limit for dental-induced trauma today."

"Almost done? We're just getting started! I am only warming up. But don't worry, the worst is over. It's all downhill from here."

"I am not sure I want it going downhill..."

"Trust me, you'll be thanking me when this is over. Your teeth will be sparkling, your smile will be dazzling, and all this will just be a distant, amusing memory."

"I think you and I have very different definitions of ‚amusing‘, doc. But fine, let's get this over with. The sooner I'm out of this chair, the better."

"That's the spirit! Now, open wide and say 'ahh.' And remember, a little pain now means a lot of gain later."

"The only thing I'm gaining from this is a newfound appreciation for the simple things in life. Like not being in this chair."

"Ah, the simple things. Like a healthy mouth and a winning smile. Trust me, it's worth it."

"We'll see about that. But for now, let's just focus on getting through this without any more screaming."

"No promises. But I'll do my best to be gentle. Now, let's finish this, shall we?"

"Finish it. Please. Before I change my mind and make a run for it."

"Too late for that. You're in this till the end. But don't worry, the end is in sight. Just a few more minutes of discomfort and you'll be good as new."

"I'll believe that when I see it. But for now, I'll just close my eyes and pretend I'm somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away... behind the moon... beyond the rain…"

"Please, don’t start singing. Come on, man, you are about to have the best teeth of your life. Whether you like it or not."

"Not. I definitely do not like it. But I suppose I'll survive. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully."

"Oh, you'll more than survive. You'll thrive! Your teeth will be the envy of everyone you meet. You'll be thanking and worshipping me, just you wait and see."

"Could you just do your work and be quiet?"

"I would if you say ‚Aaaah‘."

"Aaaah..."

"There, was that so hard? Now we're getting somewhere!"

"Mmpfh mmhnggh mrrgghhh!"

"What's that? I couldn't quite understand you with my fingers in your mouth. But I'm sure it was a compliment on my excellent work. And... we're done! That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Bad? BAD? It was the purest, most evil and utter HORROR!"

"Really? Well, same time next week then?"

"Sure. See you then."