A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

Have you ever felt trapped in an open cage where you can see the gateway yet can't escape?Well that's my life it's like a roller-coaster ride one minute you're up and the next minute you're down.You feel like a freeman but still have to look over your shoulder,like a bird that freely flies in the sky but it's afraid of been preyed on anytime,they say let by gones be by gones,be happy and don't let your yesterday ruin your today but my question is how?How are you supposed to let go of your past when it's your daily shadow both day and night?You can't make your shadow disappear when the light is shining on you but what's worse is when the shadow is still there even when the sun goes down.

It all started the summer of 2002,nothing was out of the ordinary everything seemed so perfect like it always had,the birds chirping in the bright and early morning,the sun rays penetrating through my bedroom window and hitting my face till it woke me up.School had just closed and I was looking forward to the long awaited summer all the stress from school had weighed me down and I just wanted a revival moment,something to give my life more meaning,excitement,adventure just like anyone in their teenage years would hope for.Been raised in a christian home I didn't have much exposure to the teenage life like other kids did.The high school experience that most people would live to tell was different from mine,I didn't love been in the crowd all the attention that people crave for I hated it.Normally people would go to school,meet up with their friends,get good grades even without putting effort in it,party every weekend,go on dates,have a boyfriend or a girlfriend tag,lose their virginity and make it look like the best thing ever and a story to tell,something that the crowd would cheer for and put you on the cool kids list,the instagram posts that you'd put in so much effort to make it look perfect and get thousands of likes at the end of it,I hated that,I would sit and stare from a distance and judge each and everyone for their actions,make them look like the worst living creatures just so that I can feel good about myself and as much as I hated them it hurt so bad because I couldn't be like them,I wanted what they had but I couldn't and that made me hate them more.

Each day I would reflect on my life and point out the things I hated about my life,what's special about getting up in the morning,have breakfast together as a family,even at the age of 16 your mom still takes you to school,walk to class alone and despite the efforts you put in studying you still get bad grades,after school you walk home with your one and only friend and sometimes alone,argue with your siblings about the left overs or what to watch,do your homework then go to sleep and on weekends do the house chores with your family and go to church on Sunday and the routine repeats itself time and time again.In the darkest nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered why nobody loved me but all that changed one Thursday afternoon.

I was hanging at Lisa's place that afternoon and her mom sent us to a nearby store to buy some things she forgot to buy on her way back home,on our way to the store Lisa and I were laughing and chatting but deep down I felt lonely and was in crying in silence but kept on hoping that somebody will hear me,we entered the store and for each item we got we marked it off the list,we then realized that we were running out of time so we decided to split up so that we can speed up time,she went to the other end of the store and I did the same,I was so focused on finding the item I wanted I hardly noticed or thought about what could be in front of me,as I walked a few steps forward I bumped into someone so hard that I fell to the floor and as soon as I looked up he was the most beautiful creature I've ever see,the first thing I noticed about him were his beautiful piercing blue eyes that matched the sky and the beautiful blue waters of the ocean,he had this beautiful dark brown hair that was neatly brushed and a bit touch of some hair gel,my eyes the went down to his lips and he had the most amazing dark pink lips and as soon as he gave me a smug smile my whole body shook in a heart beat,he was wearing a faded denim jacket and a white shirt underneath it,the black pants that showed off his pumped up thighs and legs and white canvas that completed the whole look,his cologne reached the depth of my olfactory senses and flowed in every part of my body,he stretched out his hand to give me a lift and as soon as our hands touched a spark of electricity flowed in my body and left me numb for a while.

"I'm so sorry I didn't see you ar-are you okay?"he said. What's the best way to describe someone's voice?perhaps if I'd heard angels singing I would have definitely said his voice sounded just like that,I dusted myself and as soon as I opened my mouth to speak all I did was stammer.

He let out a soft laughter and made me feel calm,what did I do to deserve this?I thought to myself.I chuckled then took a deep breath then started a conversation with him.

"Brian"he said.

Looking back today I never thought it was going to be a name that would make tremble with fear each time I heard it or saw it somewhere.

Upon leaving the store that day everything changed,I spoke to him more and our first day was awkward but special in some kind of way,the more we spoke the stronger our relationship grew stronger and it became much easier for me to talk to him about anything,he never judged me for who I was,where I came from or for my faith and although he wasn't a christian he had my back and supported me,he made me feel special and made me feel like I could do anything that the cool kids do.He dropped off from high school and music was his only ambition at that time,his foster parents didn't have much to support his dreams so he worked in retail shops in order to save money for his career,almost everyday I would go to his place and we would talk for hours and sometimes I would watch him play the guitar time and time again.One Saturday afternoon he talked to me about how the thought of robbing one the retail shops he worked in and I was thought he was just been funny so I laughed it off,if I saw far beyond his words maybe I would have saved a life or two.

A week later we were hanging out in the woods then he suddenly brought it up again but this time he looked more serious than he did before and what was worse was that he wanted me to be a part of it,of course my immediate response was no but as soon as I was about to walk away he reminded me about the good things he's done for me,how he's been good to me and how he stood by me when no else could,I felt indebted to him and guilty for not been there for him when he needed me the most and at that moment I agreed to something I wish I could have taken back,if only.

I thought it wasn't going to be bad,he would rob the store,I would be on the lookout and in a splits seconds we would be out and no one would get hurt but that's not what happened,everything was going as planned until I heard a gunshot,I was in so much panic and didn't know what to do,seconds later he ran out of the store and grabbed my hand when we got to the car he explained everything that had happened and then made me swear to never tell anybody that he killed a man.Ever since that robbery took place I hadn't been the same,I became more quiet and scared thinking the police would show up at my door,I watched the news just to track the police investigation and this went on for a month.One night Brian called me and told me he wanted to go to Los Angeles the next day after,I thought that was okay and I was quick to respond at least with him off my back maybe the weight would be lifted off my shoulders.he then said I should go with him and that was something I didn't want to do,he threatened me and said he would tell everybody that I killed the man and as soon as he said that I realized that I was forever tied to him and had to do everything he said or I was going to pay the price.It was a bitter moment having to run away from home,I couldn't tell anyone about it because I thought no one would help me,every thought I had about Brian disappeared and the lovely,charming person I knew was no longer there.When we reached Los Angeles all hell broke loose,if I didn't meet up his demands he would beat me up until he felt like stopping,I felt enslaved to him and each day and night I prayed and hoped my family would find and rescue me .This went on for a couple of months until a breakthrough finally knocked on the door,the police arrested him and I for the robbery and the murder,it was the most shameful thing facing my parents and even though the whole world was against me my parents stood by me and fought tooth and nail for my freedom,after weeks of going to trial the jury found Brian for robbery,the murder as well as for assaulting me back in Los Angeles and I was charged for been an accessory to the crime and thanks to my attorney my sentence was reduced to one year in prison and an additional year to probation.

Five years later my past still haunts me like a real life nightmare,I cut all communication with Brian,moved to a different city and started my life all over again,despite what happened my family don't think less of me.I rebuilt my life and although it was a struggle to get to where I am now I did with the help of my family and Lisa,even though I am free I still feel like I am haunted by my past and as much as I would love to forget,it shall forever be a part of me and there's nothing I can do about it.

Life isn't always what it seems and instead if complaining about the things you don't have be grateful for the things you already have cause you'll never know when they may be taken away from you and always remember that one decision you make can cause a major impact on your life so be careful with the decisions you make in your life.