First Love is the Sweetest

May 2019

“Whenever you two are ready, we can begin. Please, make yourselves comfortable and don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything.” The interviewer, David Rakei was a sweet and gentle young man in his early twenties. 

David had finally gotten the funding needed to create his documentary on Love. The documentary was an in-depth look on John Lee’s theory that there are six styles of love. He had gone out looking for couples that seemed to love in one of Lee’s styles. He had finally found his ideal couple. Mr. and Mrs. Cooke, an older couple in their late sixties had been high school sweethearts. The Cooke’s had been married for the last five decades, together even before that. They were what David considered to be divine true love. His documentary was to focus on different couples and their stories of love. The Cooke’s were the first couple he found that gave him hope for love. He couldn’t imagine how two people managed to want to stay together for so long, let alone actually do it.

“Isn’t he so sweet Gerald? He reminds me of our son. Don’t you think dear?” Mrs. Cooke smiled, her eyes crinkling and it made David’s heart warm. She reminded him of his grandma who recently passed. Gerald Cooke looked briefly at David before settling on his wife’s face.

“Yes my love, he even makes you smile that beautiful smile of yours like our boy did. Are you warm Mary?” Gerald asked suddenly as he reached for his sweater to put around her. 

“You always fuss over me, silly boy. I’m okay for now.” She said while placing her hand over his. David couldn’t help but smile brightly and chuckle. 

“You two are lovely, thank you for agreeing to this.” David said as he grabbed his notepad, full of questions and set it on his chair while he got his video camera set up.

“Thank you for giving us the chance to share our story, after a certain age I think people stop caring what you have to say.” Gerald grumbled and Mary laughed, patting his hand.

“Oh silly boy, I still care what you have to say.” 

“That’s good enough for me my love.”

“Please, save it for the camera!” David joked, Mary laughed quietly and shot him a wink.

“Shall we begin Mr. Rakei?” Gerald asked, leaning back into the sofa and holding his wife’s hand. 

“Please, call me David Mr. Cooke.”

“Call me Gerald kiddo, you do remind me of our son.” Gerald reached for his glasses in his coat pocket, putting them on to study David’s face. David smiled, the Cooke’s reminded him of his grandparents. They were such a warm, loving and sweet couple. 

“May I ask what your son’s name is?”

Mary’s joyful energy seemed to diminish as she looked down at her husband’s hand on hers. David worried if he had said something wrong.

“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to up-” Before David could finish, he saw Gerald hold up his hand to stop him. He flashed a sad smile and sighed.

“His name was Jay, we lost him recently. He had coronary artery disease and… He well...” Gerald trailed off, unable to finish explaining while shaking his head, David noticed Mary’s eyes starting to water and he looked away. He found himself feeling suddenly overheated. David didn’t press for more detail, when he looked up Gerald was staring at him, a soft smile on his lips as he nodded his head. It’s okay don’t apologize, David felt Gerald was trying to tell him. David sighed and flashed a tight smile, nodding his head.

“Now then Mr. and Mrs. Cooke, tell me your story.”

June 1968  

“Come on Mary!” Gerald yells as he races down the block on his bike. Mary trailing slightly behind, gasping for air.

“Silly boy! You’re going too fast, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Oh Mary, don’t be such a worrywart. Hurry up now!” Gerald yells again as he laughs and flies down the next block. He enjoys the smell of summer, the sun on his face and the slight breeze. He closes his eyes for just a moment, until he hears Mary screaming out to him again this time more frantic. When he opens his eyes, he sees a woman with a baby carriage a few feet from him.

“You’re going to crash into them Gerald!” Mary screams and pushes harder on her bike to try and catch up to them. He frowns and manages to skid away from the woman, crashing onto the ground and scraping his knee. The woman with her baby carriage rushes over to check on him.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes ma’am, sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going. Did I hurt the baby?”

“Oh no dear, he’s quite alright. Thank you for doing your best to keep him out of harm. You must be careful next time okay?”

“Yes ma’am, thank you.”

“Gerald!” Mary screams and jumps off her bike, hitting her shin before she runs toward him.  Mary reaches Gerald and gently grabs his leg. The woman smiles and gives the kids some change for ice cream later. As she walks away, she waves to them. They wave back and Gerald tries standing, he almost falls over but Mary catches him and leads him to his bike.

“Come, I’ll clean your cut.” 

“Thanks Mary.” Gerald smiles brightly and they walk with their bikes a few houses down to meet Mary’s mother on the porch.

“Oh you daredevil, are you okay sweetheart?” Mary’s mother asks.

“Yes ma’am, sorry.” Gerald replies sheepishly. Mary’s mother laughs softly and pats his head, she grabs the bikes to let them go into the house. Mary guides Gerald to the kitchen and has him sit while she searches for the first aid kit. Once she finds it in the cupboard, she sets it on the counter and washes her hands. She then makes her way back to Gerald and takes out some bandages and peroxide. She gently begins to clean the dirt from Gerald’s cut, he winches slightly and looks out the window. Once Mary finishes cleaning the cut, she begins to hum and places a large band-aid on his knee. Gerald finds himself staring at her as she hums. He smiles and pats her head, she looks up and sticks her tongue out with a cheeky smile.

“Thanks Mary.” Gerald says, cleaning up the mess on the table.

“No problem silly boy.” She goes to the refrigerator and grabs some apple juice boxes and sandwiches her mom made for them once they got back from riding. 

“Are you hungry Gerald?” 

“When aren’t I!”

Mary laughs and motions for Gerald to follow her into the living room so they can watch television. They spend the next hour enjoying their meal while watching cartoons. Gerald glances at Mary, smiling as he sees her laugh at whatever just happened in the cartoon. Mary’s mother walks into the living room and smiles at the children. 

“Gerald will you stay for dinner?” Mary’s mother asks while running her hair through Mary’s hair. Gerald’s eyes brighten slightly as he nods.

“I would like that Mrs. Barthes, is it alright with Mr. Barthes?” Gerald asks, looking down at the empty box of apple juice. 

“Of course sonny! That should never be a question.” Mr. Barthes says loudly with a smile on his face. He quickly enters the living room, just getting home from work. Mr. Barthes grabs his wife in a loving embrace, before kissing Mary on the forehead and asking how her day was. Gerald watches as Mary and her parents laugh and talk. He smiles sadly to himself, the Barthes always treat him like family. He wishes his own parents would treat him the same. Mary looks over at Gerald and frowns slightly, knowing how hard it’s been with his parents and how much it hurts when he sees other children with loving families. She remembers the last time she spoke to Gerald about this. 

******

April 1968

“What’s going on Gerald? You’ve been acting different lately. I can’t remember the last time you’ve smiled.” Mary says while frowning herself. It’s Saturday, and Gerald has asked Mary to meet at their “secret spot” which is really just an old hidden path in Mary’s backyard. 

“Do you think I’m bad?” Gerald asks, not able to meet Mary’s gaze. Her frown deepens and she narrows her eyes in confusion. 

“Bad? No silly boy I don’t think you’re bad. Why are you asking something like that?” She says softly, looking up at the clear skies.

“She doesn’t love me Mary.” Gerald says almost mechanically, but Mary knows him well enough by now to know what it means when his hands shake and he has to hold them down tightly so no one will notice; he shakes his head in an attempt to clear his mind.

“Who doesn’t love you?”

“My mom.”

“Oh Gerald, you really are a silly boy. Of course she loves you.”

“No Mary, she told me. She told me she doesn’t love me.” Gerald keeps his head down, his chest feels heavy. Mary stares at the dark brown of his hair, she's confused and worried, unable to say anything to make this better.

“Why would she say something like that?” Mary asks, mainly to herself. Unable to understand how a mother could not love her child, unable to understand why a mother would ever say something like that in the first place. Even if it were true. 

“We were just sitting, I was doing homework and she was in her rocking chair staring out the window. She started talking, I just stared at her and listened.”

“What did she say?”

“She said, I don’t love you. She never stopped looking at the window, Mary she never even looked at me. She just said she doesn’t love me. That she just couldn’t bring herself to feel anything for me that a mother should feel toward her child.”

“Why would she say that.” Mary found the words leaving her lips, she shook her head. It just didn’t make sense. Mary felt weak, unable to move. She kept her eyes on Gerald, wanting so badly to do something, anything to make this better.

“She didn’t mean it Gerald, she couldn’t have.”

“She did.”

Mary wanted to open her mouth and say anything other than I’m sorry, but when she found she had nothing else to say, she kept quiet. 

“It must be because I remind her of my father, I look a lot like him. Or maybe I’m just not good enough.” Gerald said softly, trying to make sense of it all. Why didn’t she love him? Mary, in her anger for not being able to say or do anything to ease his pain leap on Gerald and held him. Gerald blinked in surprise and just let Mary wrap her arms around him. 

“You are more than enough. Your mom is weird.” Mary said in a huff. In the distance, she heard her mother calling them inside for food.

She pulled away slightly, keeping an arm around his shoulders, “Come on, let's eat. You’ll stay over tonight, we can watch a bunch of scary movies.”

“You don’t like scary movies Mary.”

“I know that, but you do.” Mary said with a shrug, Gerald looked at her for a short while without saying a word, it seemed like he was trying to work out a math problem he didn’t quite understand, he smiled and got up after a moment; holding out his hand to help Mary up.

“You’re a good friend Mary.”

“And don’t you forget it!”

They laughed as they raced to the house, Mary’s mother beaming as they came in and washed for dinner. 

“Mom, can Gerald stay over tonight? He thinks I can’t watch scary movies but I can.” Mary says and sticks her tongue out at Gerald, he rolls his eyes amused. His sullen mood from earlier now gone. Mary’s mother looks over Gerald and pats his head.

“Of course he can, but he’s right darling. You can’t watch scary movies, you get too scared.”

“Hey! Whose side are you on here?” Mary asks defensively, crossing her arms. 

******

June 1968

“Mary… Maaaary! Earth to my darling,” Mary’s mom says and taps her daughter's nose. Mary snaps out of a day dream about ice cream mountains, and looks up at her mother.

“Sorry mom, what?”

“Go with Gerald to see if his mom will let him stay after dinner again. It’s family game night and Gerald must play. He’ll definitely help keep things even.” 

Mary stares at her mom and smiles, her mom knows about Gerald’s recent struggles with his mom. A few weeks ago he had been crying one night on his front porch, when Mary’s mother came home late from work. She had called Gerald to come talk with her, knowing his father recently left his mother, Mary’s mother understood how hard a divorce could be. What she did not know, something she would soon find out, was that Gerald’s mother had grown cold and cruel toward him. Almost as if a switch had gone off in his mother, that made her unable to treat him with motherly love and affection. As if it were his fault that his father left. Gerald had found he was unable to keep it to himself any longer. He spilled it all out, all the while fearing Mary’s mother would walk away but she didn’t. She stayed and listened. She even cried with him.

“You are a lovely boy Gerald, I’m sorry this is happening to you. Have you seen your father recently?” Mary’s mother asked. 

“Last week, my mom has been making it hard for him to come see me. I think he loves me though, he still tries even when she makes it difficult.”

“You seem older Gerald, maybe wiser even.”

“Do you think so Mrs. Barthes?”

“Yes, just a tad.” She said with a sad smile, looking up to the star lit sky and patting his head. They stayed together on Mrs. Barthes front porch, until the front door opened and they both turned to see Mary holding her beloved and special stuffed rabbit, yawning and rubbing at her eye. She was holding her father's hand, they both walked out onto the porch. Mr. Barthes sat next to his wife, and Mary sat next to Gerald. She laid her head on his shoulder, only half awake, and passed her rabbit for him to hold. No one was allowed to touch this rabbit. Not even her parents.

“Everything will be okay. Silly boy, you have me.” Mary whispered loud enough for Gerald to hear, it was the first time in months since his father left that Gerald believed things would be just fine.  

May 2019

“When did you know?” Was David’s next question, after getting some backstory on their childhood together.  

“Honestly sonny, there were two moments. The first brought it to my attention, the second confirmed it for me. The first time was when she said she’d watch scary movies with me. You must understand, this was a gal that didn’t even dress up for Halloween some years because she was afraid of seeing scary costumes,” Gerald chuckled as Mary scowled and let out a large sigh, “I looked at her and felt home, how many people would suffer through something just because it makes you happy? 

“The second moment, was when we were all sitting on her porch that night I spoke with her mother. She had noticed me and her mother on the porch when she woke up to get a drink of water, so she woke up her dad and asked if they could go sit with us. When she came out, so small and sleepy and sat next to me, and then she said everything would be okay and I had her. That’s when I knew. I loved her, and I didn’t even really know what that meant at the time, but I knew that being around her made me happy and peaceful. Still does.” Gerald said while leaning over to kiss Mary on the temple. 

“Sometimes you really do just know, and all you have to wait for is time.” Mary said gently. David looked up from his notepad and at Mr. and Mrs. Cooke. They were looking at each other smiling, holding hands as they remembered their past. 

Gerald had loved Mary since they were ten, but being a child who felt like he didn’t know the first thing about love or being in love, he hid his feelings. It wasn’t until their high school junior year, when Mary told him to stop being a scaredy cat and ask her out, that he was finally able to tell her how he’d always felt. They’d been together ever since, and married about 3 years after they graduated from high school. They had Jay when they entered their late twenties. 

“What advice would you want to give others when it comes to love?” One of David’s last questions. The couple looked at each other, taking some time to form an answer they would be happy with. 

“It’s not easy, it’s not supposed to be. People aren’t easy. It’s not always rainbows and roses. After a certain point, it’s not that it stops being about love, but it starts being about choices. I choose this woman every day of my life, you have to choose to want it. The rest comes after, whether good or bad, but you choose and you have someone to weather the storm with.” Gerald says finally. 

Mary nods with a smile, not taking her eyes off Gerald, “We are the ones who give love meaning and power. You have to give it meaning, you have to choose everyday, cause it won’t be easy with anyone. But depending on who you choose, it’ll be worth it.”