Holding On

"Can I come in,"

"I think the house is still half yours,"

"What's that supposed to mean, Alex?"

"Sorry. It's good to see you, Wella."

"You too. Can I have a hug?"

"Of course you can."

"You finally put the new wallpaper up,"

"About a month ago. It was...cathartic."

"Cathartic. Right. I suppose I deserve that. I've been doing a lot of that too."

"Wallpapering?"

"Clearing my head."

"Three months of 'space' looks like it suits you, Wels,"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I soon realised it was for the best."

"I'm back though. Alex, you knew I would be,"

"Did I?"

"Don't look so surprised, we spoke about this, that I needed to go and get my head right. Don't put this on me now, like I just walked out on you."

"I haven't needed my poker face since you left so I must be out of practice. Was I supposed to know you'd reappear?"

"You knew I wasn't in a good head space. That didn't mean I didn't love you."

"You couldn't stand to be touched by me. You moved out of my bed."

"Is that my fault now? When I left you said to take the time I needed. What changed?"

"Maybe I did. You've been gone for months, you're telling me your interest in me has suddenly flared. Just like that you're cured?"

"The therapy fixed everything. I'm fine now."

"So Troy did a good job?"

"Yes. You must know what he's like, you've known him since you were a kid."

"I know his reputation. He's good at his job. It looks like he was what you needed."

"He made me feel right again. Therapy with him was like...being the only one in the world he was interested in understanding. Like he had all the time in the world to do it. I actually looked forward to our sessions."

"I'm not surprised."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He's also very good looking."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing."

"He helped me sort through my relationship with my father..."

"He's quite taken with you,"

"You spoke to him?"

"When I was passing through - I stayed with his father."

"You spoke to him about me?"

"I asked how you were doing."

"Oh."

"He told me I was lucky. That we'd be fine eventually. That you

loved me."

"It's true Alex-,"

"-he put on a brave face when he said it. But I know he was cut up about it."

"Why would he be?"

"Have you considered that to him you actually are the only person in the world he's interested in?"

"He's a good man, and your friend - why would you think the worst of him?"

"The worst? There's nothing wrong about him wanting you."

"You can't know that, it's an absurd thing to suggest,"

"I asked him."

"You did what?"

"He forced a smile and told me that getting attached to your patients sometimes comes with the territory."

"Why are you telling me this?"  

"I haven't seen your eyes light up like that in a long time."

"Don't be stupid."

"Why are you back here?"

"I miss you. Obviously. I want to come home."

"You want to come back to this?"

"I do. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm struggling to understand."

"Don't say that,"

"For the last two years I can count on one hand the number of conversations we've had that are more than just, what's for dinner or who we're seeing this weekend. I don't know the last time you looked forward to coming home to me, and I know you've never felt safe enough to open up to me."

"That's not fair."

"It's not - but I'm tired of not saying what I mean. I don't know who your friends are these days, or what you do when you're not in this house, and you, I can't remember the last time you asked about my work, or squash or my family..."

"I ask about your father all the time - like when he injured his shoulder at the charity baseball match-,"

"-that was over a year ago."

"Well this is what happens, in relationships Alex, you can't expect the romance to last forever."

"That's not a lack of romance, it's a lack of interest."

"Look, I realise we've drifted apart. We've been too busy for each other with your residency and my posting. But, maybe now we can make time for each other and re-kindle..."

"Re-kindle what? Say it,"

"I..."

"Re-kindle our love? Wels...we've been friends for a long time. Let's not kid each other if we want to at least continue to be that."

"I want to make this work."

"Maybe I don't. When you were gone it was...peaceful,"

"Peaceful?"

"Yes. Not to have to walk on eggshells, not to have to cautiously ask you questions. I went out, I had people over and it was...effortless."

"I don't think you're being fair."

"-and now you're struggling not to lose your temper, which is so typical of you."

"You know I have trouble opening up. I've worked on that with-,"

"-Troy,"

"Yes! What? If you had a problem with me seeing him for therapy you should have said something. It's not my fault you asked him that stupid question."

"It doesn't matter that he likes you. The problem for me, is that you like him back."

"I'm here, on your doorstep!"

"That's what I don't understand! Why?! Why do you want to resume this...domestic doldrum?"

"It's our fifth anniversary next month. We were trying for a baby - we're supposed to get married. Your father loves me and-and...my father was wrong because I've got you."

"-Don't cry, please."

"Then don't make this harder than it is!"

"It's only hard because this isn't what you want. You've got feelings for another man-"

"-I chose you over Troy!"

"At least you're admitting there was a choice to make."

"I'm sorry that's not what I meant to say. But I made my choice. I want to stick with this."

"I know, Wella, and I appreciate that you would have tried. But I can't."

"But...you love me,"

"I do in a way. It's not the way I used to. But it is enough to make me care about your happiness."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because we don't make each other happy. But you and Troy? I would rather lose you to a friend and hopefully keep you as one, than pretend that this relationship has anything left."

"My phone is ringing - it could be work-"

"Is it Troy?"

"...how did you know?"

"Call it a hunch. Wels...just don't keep him waiting three months."