A chat with Joe Booker

"Put my lid back on, you're letting all the heat out!"

"What? Who said that?"

"I said, put my lid back on, you're letting all the heat out! After all these years you've never noticed how long it takes me to heat your food back up after you take my lid off? Put my lid back on!"

"Are you...are you talking to me?" 

"You're the only one still living in this house, so yeah, I'm talking to you. Who'd you think I was talking to, the toaster? That dumbass bread warmer never has anything original to say anyways, always the same old ‘a toast to my good friend, the slow cooker.' That shit gets old after all these years, you know what I'm sayin’? And put my lid back on, Sam."

"But you're a slow cooker, you can't..."

"I prefer Crock Pot, thank you very much. Slow cooker, my ass. Well. I don’t exactly have an ass, do I? I got a plug, does that count? Anyway, slow cooker makes me sounds like I'm the dumbass is the kitchen. That title belongs to your buddy the toaster over there. ‘A toast to my good friend Sam, who lets me warm his Pop Tarts in the morning!' I'm not slow Sam, I just take my time to; would you please put my fucking lid back on me!? Thank you! If you want this beef roast done by the time your daughter gets here, you better not be checking on it every 5 minutes. Geez Sam, it’s like you've forgotten how this is supposed to work since Ellen passed. Anyway, like I was saying I'm not slow. I just take my time is all. Low and slow is how I roll, Sam. Fill me up in the morning, turn me to low and slow and let me do my thing all day long. Speaking of that you'd better turn me up to high if you want his roast done in time.”

"My sweet Ellen… but how did you? I mean you know about Ellen?"

"I know all about you, Ellen, your daughter Samantha who's coming to see you later today like she does every weekend now that you've started to... well honestly Sam you aren't yourself anymore. I'm not doing great either, and that’s why we need to talk."

"Talk, I mean, aren't you a slow cooker? Sorry, I mean Crock Pot?"

"Yeah, I'm the same old Crock Pot you got as a wedding gift 53 years ago Sam. You remember how happy Ellen was when she unwrapped me, 'A Crock Pot, I'll be the envy of all the neighbors!’, she told you. Man, you only get to enjoy moments like that once. I mean you've always enjoyed having me cook soups, roasts, even that cake recipe you used to love so much; but you and Ellen have never been so excited to see me Sam. Not like that first day. That was a great day, Sam. It’s gonna be tough having to say good bye."

"Say good-bye? We haven't even, I mean I don't even know what to call you?"

"Call me Joe."

"Joe? Joe the Crock Pot?"

"Nah man, I'm Joe Booker. Joe Booker, the Slow Cooker. I know, I said don't call me a slow cooker, but with a name like a Joe Booker? Let's just say the name has stuck with me all these years. Speaking of that, after all these years it’s taking me longer to heat things through. I'm thinking about retirement Sam. I've been at this since 1971 man. I’m an OG slow cooker."

"OG?"

"Original Gangsta, Sam. Your granddaughter Sadie would understand. I hope she stops by with Samantha. She looks a lot like Ellen you know."

"My sweet Ellen.., did you say high, Joe?"

"No, I said put the fucking lid back on me Sam, which you did. But I’ll mind my manners now and introduce myself. Hi Sam. It's good to visit with you after all these years. I'm Joe."

"Joe Booker?"

"Joe Booker The Slow Cooker. That's me. The original. first Edition. Cooking up tasty shit since 1971. And yes, you'd better turn me up to high if you want this roast done in time."

"When did you learn how to, well communicate? And where did you learn to talk like that?"

"I've been watching you for a long time Sam. Remember the way you made soups in me for Ellen in the winter? And how about all those times you hauled my ass full of something warm across town to church? Hell, you nearly slipped on the ice that one time in December going to an Advent service carrying me all full of vegetable beef soup. That could’ve been the end, but you somehow managed to lean forward and crash us into that soft snow covered shrub in front of the church instead of cracking your head or dropping me on the sidewalk. You remember that Sam? We've been together a long time. I've always known how to communicate Sam, but until now I just haven't had the need. We need to talk, Sam. I think things are gonna have to change around here.”

"But, where did you come from, Joe?"

"Me, I'm from Kansas City, Sam. American made and proud of it. Not like all them new slow cookers come across the ocean from China. Think one of those pieces of shit will last 50 years? They're all junk Sam. They don't make them like when I was built,"

"I don't suppose they would, Joe. Why are you taking to me now? After all these years?

It's time Sam. Time to hang it up. Time to say goodbye.

"Say goodbye?"

"It's time Sam. You just haven't been yourself, man."

"But where will you go?"

"Here she is Sam. It's gonna be ok. Thanks for everything, Sam."

"Dad? Are you in the kitchen? It's me, Samantha."

"I'm in the kitchen, Samantha. I'm taking to Joe."

"There nobody here, Dad. We've talked about this before. It's just you now."

"But Joe was taking to me about the roast. He said it was getting cold with his lid off."

"Dad, there's nobody here. This is why you need full time help from the nice people at Prairie Crossing Senior Care. You remember, don't you? The people we met last week? The nice people we are going to see after we pack up your suitcase today?”

"But the roast in the Crock Pot will be ready soon."

"Dad, the Crock Pot quit working a year ago."

"But the roast. It's… I'm confused Samantha."

I know Dad. There's no roast. There's nobody here but you and me. Let's go out to the car. We'll go get something to eat and we’ll take you to your new home."

"Wait, I need to do something"

"Ok, Dad."

"Good bye, Joe"

"Good bye, Sam"