The Merry Christmas Bird

The Merry Christmas Bird

Suzanne Marsh

"You're going to give her a what for Christmas? Vic, she is six years old! Do you seriously

think she can take care of a parakeet?

Vic, gave me one of his cockeyed grins:

"Lori, we can call the parakeet Merry Christmas, Ali will enjoy the bird, maybe

she can teach it to talk."

Lori looked him right in the eye;

"Look Vic, I have already flushed enough fish down the toilet to stock Lake Michigan.

Remember the frog, when it got loose, who was it that had to catch it again...it

sure wasn't you, it was me! Then there was the turtle from hell, no you and Ali

can take care of the damn bird, I refuse."

Vic, was never one to think before he did something:

"Merry Christmas is already here, with a cage, cuttle bone and seeds. We can't take her back.

So she stays. It won't be so bad I can help too."

Lori rolled her eyes, she was not a happy camper. She was not fond of animals to begin with and had no idea how to care for a dopey parakeet. Then she hit on a solution to stop Vic from purchasing any more animals. She had already refused to take care of the bird. She knew it would only be a matter of time before both Ali and Vic got tired of the bird. Vic, would end up having to clean the cage. This was simple yet diabolic, it had to work.

Christmas morning arrived, Ali wanted to open one present before breakfast. Being indulgent parents they agreed she could open one present. They had wrapped the bird in it's cage just before breakfast. No one told them that the bird would destroy the wrapping paper, so that Alli would see the bird first thing. That of course was the gift she wanted to open first. Since the bird had already ripped most of the paper off the cage, Ali had very little to tear off. She danced with glee as she saw the small blue chested parakeet. She promptly wanted to hold it. Vic thought that would be cute, especially in a picture. He opened the door expecting the bird to jump on his finger, instead she bit him. With a child like yelp he withdrew his finger without shutting the door to the cage. That did it the bird was loose, flying all over the small apartment. Attempting to catch the creature was futile. Lori and Vic running all over the apartment, Ali screaming to catch her birdie.

Finally Lori had enough:

"Vic, go get a kitchen towel. Ali, darling stop screaming, we will catch the bird."

Gritting her teeth, Lori headed toward her computer, there had to be something about getting a small parakeet back in its cage. It had to be better than all the crying and screaming taking place in the living room. Lori read quickly:

"the problem is trickier if the bird is untamed, in this case you will need to lure the bird back by

removing all food and handy perches from beyond the cage and wait for the bird to return

of its own accord. If you can't wait for the bird to return on its own you might have to resort

to using a towel or a net."

Lori muttering 'great' to herself headed back into the living room. Vic was running around after the bird attempting to get it to land on his finger. Ali was running after Vic, pleading with him to catch her birdie. Lori, grabbed a kitchen towel, she waited for the bird to land, no such luck, the bird landed on a curtain rod, there was no possible way for Lori to catch the bird up there. Time was not on her side, both sets of parents were on their way to watch Ali open her Christmas gifts. Lori, already had dinner in the oven, a ham, potatoes, candied sweet potato casserole, and green beans. Desert, apple pie with whipped cream on top. At least all of that was prepared, now back to the bird. They had less than forty five minutes to capture it and return it to the cage.

Lori, quickly explained to Vic why a towel or net was necessary to catch the bird. Vic, stood thoughtfully for several moments:

"Hey, we could always use the fishing net in the bathroom."

Lori, wasn't sure it was a good idea:

"Vic, that is the craziest idea we have had yet. No the towel idea is better. Make sure to

to leave the cage door open but take out of the food, water, and cuttle bone."

Vic, knew she was correct:

"Okay, we'll try it your way but we are running out of time, your Mom and Dad are

always early."

Lori, went into the kitchen, returning with another towel:

"Vic, you flap the towel at the bird, I'll wait til it lands, throw the towel over it then it goes

back into the cage."

Easier said than done, as they soon discovered. Merry Christmas continued to perch on curtain rods, with no intention of returning to the cage any time soon. Lori, knew that Vic's suggestion was the most practical:

"Lori, we could use that net you decorated the bathroom with."

He half expected Lori to laugh at his suggestion, instead:

"Go get it Vic, while I keep trying to catch this damn bird."

Vic, obediently went into the bathroom, he hated the bathroom decor, with the net and sea shells. He got the net off of its hooks, removed the shells then he heard Lori:

"I missed that sucker again, now it is trying to attack me. Vic, hurry up with that net."

Vic, was all thumbs trying to get the last shells off of the net. He hurried with the net, tripped himself tackling Lori. Ordinarily Lori would have laughed; however she was annoyed since she still had not

gotten the bird back in its cage. Worse yet, both sets of parents would be arriving within a few moments. Lori, knew they could not let their parents in if the bird was still flying around, the way things were going the damn bird would escape out the door. Ali would be crying and screaming. No they had to catch that bird NOW!

Lori stood on the coffee table with one part of the net. Vic, climbed up on the back of the couch. Ali began yelling:

"Mommy, Daddy I want my birdie."

Together Lori and Vic closed in on Merry Christmas. Lori, managed to miss the bird. Vic, missed completely, the net landed on top of Lori. Would they ever catch that damn bird?

Right in the middle of the hubbub Lori's parents arrived; followed by Vic's parents:

"We're here, can someone open the door?" Ali began to dance around:

"Grandma and Grandpa are here Mommy."

"Ali...don't...open...the..."

Too late, Ali opened the door and Merry Christmas flew out into the hall. Ali's grandma Peterson, saw the bird. It landed on a light in the hall. She walked over, put her finger out. Merry Christmas perched on it. Ali, in her sing song voice:

"Mommy, Daddy, Grandma is bringing in Merry Christmas, our Christmas bird."

Lori, convinced this was the bird from hell thought: 'too bad it is not a little bigger, it would have been a decent dinner.'