3 comments

Suspense

This story contains sensitive content

(Warning. Foul language.)

"Let’s go for a walk.” Bill said to me, he always said those words when we went to go look for deer. Bill grabbed his hunting rifle and the two of us went out his cabin. Out there, I saw Bill’s wife, Julie. She was picking flowers, and as Bill and I walked past, she waved at the both of us, but she blushed at me.

Bill had been my best friend since junior high, we both played football together in high school, until an injury forced him to leave the team. I went on to become an outstanding player, I won state, and went on to have a solid college career.

Bill met Julie in high school, when he and I were playing football. She was one of the team’s cheerleaders, she had a great smile, fun personality, and stunning amber legs, I could see why Bill was infatuated with her. She was there when Bill had his life changing injury.

He would walk with a limp for the rest of his life, I knew he was heartbroken when he couldn’t play anymore. I always felt bad when he would watch me from the bleachers, his face would go from smiles, to sorrow, seeing me do what he wanted. Julie and Bill married after high school, and the two bought a cabin out here in the mountains. I would make it a goal to visit every fall.

“You think you’ll get one this year?” I said, with Bill slinging his rifle over his shoulder.

“We’ll see,” Bill said, “I set up trail cams this year, I’m sure we will see something on them.”

I didn’t take part in the hunts, but it was something Bill enjoyed. I could tell he was at peace when we walked along the dirt path in the woods. The sounds of birds chirping, and the gentle breeze blowing through the trees, how could one not have a good time out here?

“Man,” Bill said, “I don’t want to go back to the city after this.”

“I can agree,” I said, “I have a great time up here every year.”

“I bet you do, Julie doesn’t want to leave either. How’s your business?”

After college, I became a freelance with a big tech firm. I have been making a lot of money over the years, and I would always offer to help Bill out. He went through a bad time after high school, and didn’t work for a while. He found employment at a grocery store, and made his way up the corporate ladder, but I knew he didn’t like it. I was always happy for him, but I knew he wished he had a higher paying job like mine.

“Same as always,” I said, “Might have to move across the country soon. It’s going to be a big project I have to work with.”

Bill said, “A shame, man. I can assume you wouldn’t be able to come back out here for a while then?” I shook my head. “Damn, I will miss you, and I know Julie will too.”

We had to stop for a second, Bill’s pain was getting him. He sat on a boulder, and put his hand to his back. He didn’t bring his painkillers with him, I offered to go back to get them, but he refused. Half an hour later, we went back on our way.

“Remember when I got this pain?” Bill said, “During practice, of all places.” I lowered and shook my head.

“Yeah,” I said, “I do, and I am sorry-”

“No need,” Bill said, “What did you always say? Accidents happen?” I nodded, and Bill smiled, “Doctors say it will never go back to normal, I will always be in pain, and I gotta take it slow. I just want to be able to walk without having to stop, or take those damn pills.”

I put my hand on Bill’s arm, “Bill, like I say every year, I can help you. I know a doctor who might be able to fix you.”

Bill pulled his arm away, and said, “And like I say every year, I don’t need charity. We're coming up to the first cam, I got three of them.”

The first trail cam was aiming at a meadow. The cameras were older models, Bill said he bought them at a yard sale this summer, hoping to bag a deer. He plugged his phone in it, and downloaded the footage.

“Damn, nothing.” Bill said.

“When did you set these up?” I said.

"The day before you came, took a while with this limp, but I got them in good spots.” Bill gestured over to the trail, and the two of us kept walking.

“How’s Julie been?” I said. Bill went pale and froze.

“Fine,” Bill said, “At home, all she wants to do is come up here. I know she loves the time the three of us spend together. She will be upset once she learns you are not going to come next year.”

“I will be back the year after, I just-”

“Quiet,” Bill said, “I heard a noise in the bushes.” Bill crept over with his rifle in hand. He aimed it at the bush, and was ready to fire. "I got you now,” he said. he was about to pull the trigger, when a rabbit jumped out of the bush. It hopped away, and I had a chuckle.

“Damn, not this time.” Bill said, “Had to be sure though, you never know what could be going on in the bushes.”

We came to the second cam, this one was on a hill, pointing down into a small gorge with a stream. Bill got the footage, and shook his head, nothing again.

“Bill," I said, “It’s going to get dark soon, we should head back to the cabin.”

Bill turned to me, “No way, I have one more cam out there. I have to know if it saw anything."

"If these two didn’t catch anything, then the third one-”

“I want to know the truth,” Bill said, “Even if there is nothing on the third cam, I want to see with my own eyes.”

I shook my head, and the two of went back to the path. The sun was setting, and I could begin to hear crickets chirp. Bill and I didn’t pack anything for an overnight hike, I made sure to take small sips from my canteen.

“Where’s the last one set up?” I said.

“Near the lake.” Bill said. I stopped, and looked at him. I could feel a drop in my stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Bill said, “It will be real quick, I am sure we will find something of interest on there.”

We made it to the lake, it was night now, and the full moon reflected off the water. “Julie loves this spot,” Bill said, “She likes to come out here and relax by the shore.” Bill knelt and waved his hand through the cold water, he flapped his hand dry and came over to me.

“Man,” he said, “You have always been my best friend, I am sad you are going to have to skip coming next fall.”

“I am too,” I said, I was starting to shiver. “You are the greatest friend ever, Bill, and Julie is the best wife anyone could ever ask for.”

Bill smiled, and went over to the cam, it was set in some bushes pointing at the lake shore.

I thought about running, or even something worse. I saw a large stone and thought about caving Bill’s head in. I couldn’t, he would understand once he saw what was on the trail cam.

Bill watched the footage, and although dark out, I could see his face turn red. He made a chuckle, and walked over to me, his rifle still on his back.

"Bill,” I said, unable to stand still, “I am sorry, it was only one time, I was drunk, it was-”

“A mistake?” Bill said, he turned his phone to me, and I saw it. “I can lie too, I bought these cams years ago, I have had them set up every fall. I wanted to see how long you would keep up this bullshit.”

Bill threw his phone to the ground, and slung his rifle to his arms. The grainy footage of me and Julie could be heard in the background. Bill said “You have screwed me over once, and now Julie.” Bill raised his rifle, and aimed it right at me.

“You’re going to kill me now?”

Bill laughed, and said, “Accidents happen, remember?” 

January 18, 2023 18:05

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

3 comments

Nupur NS
18:09 Jan 26, 2023

That was a super interesting premise. I enjoyed reading till the end, even though the clues were quite evident from the start. Left me wanting a few more details in some places though - Was he responsible for Bill’s accident? Or did you intentionally leave that ambiguous? And also, was Julie cheating on Bill for years? If yes, then why did he chose now to confront his best friend? Overall a good story!

Reply

Show 0 replies
R W Mack
18:21 Jan 22, 2023

Judging this one was easy enough. The premise is good. The backstory was presented clean and condensed enough. Nothing overly descriptive. Good bones right there. Did I know what was happening from the jump? Yeah, it was pretty obvious how things were gonna go. The build up of suspense would've been nice for such a clear premise. Make me feel the tension building sooner. Stretch that rubber band and make me wonder when it'll break. That's my only negative aside from a couple minor grammatical edits needed and the avoidance of contractions....

Reply

Curtis Genzer
18:56 Jan 22, 2023

Thank you very much for your feedback!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.