About Andromeda: Page 25 "The Last Dead Flowers"

Summer, July 14^th 2015

What once was mine will never come back, I would call it regrets, perhaps. It's not a story about the moon, or the sea, it's a story about a hesitant love, a burning bridge, it's about a love that's left behind.

The name was Andromeda, just like its name, he is beyond everything, an intelligent human being, funny and most importantly, kind. The first time we met was by the seashore at dawn, I was twenty-one, he was twenty-three, it was an amusing yet unforgettable encounter, for this specific story maybe I will tell you later. After our meeting, we decided to take a promenade and watch the sunrise, it was my first time watching the sunrise with someone, maybe he is too.

Our relationship developed quickly after that, we changed numbers and surprisingly he lives not too far from my house, what a fate, I thought. Every weekend we would have a date and he would bring me flowers, and if one of us couldn't make it, we would rearrange it, there was never a fight between us. We love each other too much, and maybe because of that we also run out of love too fast.

The first six month was going well, very well I must say, until something in me says that I don't deserve him, I talk about it with my friends and they said it was just my insecurities, hearing about it makes me believe that I actually don't deserve him, so I told him about it, I told him that he's too secure for my fragile self, but he assured me that it's fine, I don't mind, he said. That was our first argument, more arguments and fights followed after that.

The most hurtful one was the day after our first anniversary, every month we would spare our time to go to the beach, a place where we first met, we would reminiscing about good times in our relationship, mostly pouring our hearts out, but in the past few months, he's been quiet, at first I just shrugged it off until I saw his friend's massage in his phone notification, saying he should leave me because I was too afraid to express my feelings and it looks like I didn't fight for our relationship to work, it hurts me knowing people assume me not wanting this relationship, but again, I shrugged it off, I trusted him more than anything and I know he'd listen to me rather than other people, he trusted me, that's what I thought.

And yes, you guessed it right, after that day, he starts to ignore me, it was fine at first, but a day, a week, a month passes by and he gets quieter. I have tried to cheer him up, I have tried to make things better, but none of it works, it makes me doubt myself, does he not care about me anymore? Was I too hard to love? Was he forced and felt pressured all this time? Do I embarrass him? Is he thinking the same way about me the way his friends did? All those questions are always running through my mind and I can't afford to wait for him to talk to me, so I told him to stop. I told him to stop being so quiet. I told him everything that's on my mind and I told him I want us to end, that I don't want this anymore. And that's when I burn bridges towards him.

Two weeks passed by without his presence, it's hard I must admit, I'm too used to his figure beside me, his scent, his habit to take off my socks in the morning just so I could wake up without waking me up. I miss everything about him.

On Saturday, sixteen days after we ended things, he texted me to meet up at that beach. For the last time, he said. So I went. By the time I arrived, he was already there, standing at the seashore, wearing a plain white shirt, holding a bouquet of flowers. He looks okay, he looks fine, so I exhale. I tap his back, signifying that I have come. He is now facing me, and I could see a glimpse of sadness in his eyes, I really wanted to hold him by then, but something was holding me back, so I just stood there waiting for him to say something. Minute by minute passed by but none of us dared to open our mouths. "How are you?'' I asked, but he didn't say a thing, instead he gave me the flowers and hugged me tight, "i miss you, i miss you, i miss you" "...and I'm sorry" then he left. It was very confusing and disappointing at the same time, I expected more but he gave me less, so I went back home thinking it's officially the end of our story, a story that I thought would last forever didn't last long. Maybe he had enough of me to the point he doesn't want to give me any explanation why he ignored me for a month.

The flower was beautiful, it was white tulips. That was the first time he gave me white tulips, usually he would give me red roses, freesia, or peony. It was about six days after I received the flowers, some of the tulips had died because I forgot to put them in a vase, and when I was about to throw them, I saw a letter behind its wrap, it was very foolish of me to not think about it, a letter. "I hope this letter reaches you" was written in front of the envelope, I frowned as I open the seal,

By the time I read the letter, my world crumbled down before me.

"Hello love, how have you been? I hope you're doing better than me. I'm sorry for not talking to you on our last day as a couple, I was too afraid to face you, you may not know that I'm not all brave, I am also a scumbag and a coward haha. I would like to explain everything here since I don't think I'm able to talk about it in front of you.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I made you think of the things you're not, I feel so shameful knowing that I made you think twice about your worth, I never intended to do so, in fact, I love you so much and you're the most beautiful human being I've ever known. 

A few days before our anniversary, my doctor diagnosed me with Aplastic Anemia, I didn't know I had that illness until I go to the doctor because my skin and the white of my eyes turns yellow, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about that, I just don't want you to be worried. I knew that you read that message and I knew you were pissed, you may not know this but I have told my friend to step out of our business and while I'm on it, I thought it was a good idea for me to step back a little to treat my illness, I thought the treatment wouldn't last that long but I was wrong, and I guess that was a big mistake because it leads you to think badly about yourself. 

Even though my disease is a rare condition, I don't want you to be worried about me. I can't promise you anything but one thing you should know is that I will try my best to get better so I can properly say goodbye to you. 

Sweetheart, you should always remember that my love for you is endless and I hope you'll always take care of yourself because I can no longer do that for you.

With love, your galaxy, Andromeda"