Mikey and I have been dating ever since Mikey joined the band. At first, our relationship was filled with love and happiness. Both of us were truly happy. We couldn't live without each other.
I could still remember when he asked me out for the first time.
I was led down with my head on Mikey's lap. It had been a few weeks since he began trialling, and we had become really close. So close that I had started having feelings for him. I just loved being with him. He made me really happy, and all I wanted to do was call him my boyfriend.
"I need to ask you something, but I'm scared that you'll hate me."
I sat up, throwing my arm over his shoulder. "There's no way that will ever happen."
He took a deep breath and turned to face me.
"Andy, I have feelings for you. I really like you, and I'd love to take you out sometime."
I couldn't stop smiling. I pulled him into my arms, saying 'yes' over and over again.
"I really like you too Mikey."
I could still remember our first date.
He took me bowling to begin with. He was really good at it, but I wasn't the best. I never scored one point until he helped me. He showed me how to properly throw the ball, arms around me to guide me. I loved the way he held me. I felt safe. Loved.
After bowling, we grabbed a bite to eat and then he took me to the beach. Cliche, I know. But, it was perfect. Walking along the shore, hand in hand with the boy I knew I loved.
I could still remember our first kiss.
It was at the end of the date. He had walked me to my room, since we lived in the same house. I pulled him into a hug, thanking him for a wonderful night. When we pulled away, we just stared at each other, getting lost in each others eyes.
I felt myself starting to lean in. He met me half way and I received the best kiss of my life. It was then that I knew it was love.
We couldn't stop giggling afterwards. He told me goodnight and went to his own room. That night, I had happy dreams about being with him.
I could still remember the first time we said 'I love you'.
It was about 3AM and we were on facetime, since we were both at home with our families. We had been talking for hours about the most random things, both of us enjoying it because we were together.
"I love you." I blurted out, regretting it soon after. I had been thinking of saying it for weeks, but I never could bring myself to do it, out of fear of being rejected. I had no idea where the sudden burst of confidence came from, but I liked it.
He smiled, eyes lighting up. "I love you too Andy. So much."
But lately, I had been falling out of love with him. I had started having feelings for Rye. He made me feel things Mikey never did, which made it clear that I only held brotherly love for him. I was trying to break up with him, but since he left the band, I barely saw him.
I was excited. It was Andy's birthday and he was coming over. I barely saw him, so I knew this night would be amazing. I loved him with all my heart, and knew he felt the same. I couldn't live without him. He made me feel safe. He looked after me like a mother. He taught me like a father. He gave me advice like a sister. He spent time with me like a brother. He loved me like a soulmate.
My phone started ringing and I answered it quickly, seeing it was Andy.
"Hey baby, you on your way?"
"No, I'm sorry Mike. Rye's taking me out instead. Is that okay?"
I took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears from falling.
"Yeye, it's f-fine. It's not like I planned anything special or anything." I replied shakily.
"That's great. Speak later." He said before hanging up.
"Goodbye." I whispered, even though he was already gone. He didn't even say "I love you". He barely said it anymore.
I walked out into the garden, packing up the picnic I had spent all day preparing. I took down the fairy lights and brought the cushions and blankets inside. I brought in the three bags full of presents I knew Andy had wanted all year. I did it all without letting one tear fall.
I went to my bedroom, taking off my suit and putting on some joggers, still not letting a single tear slip down my cheek. He would have more fun with Rye. It didn't matter.
I was about to go to bed when I remembered something that broke me. I walked downstairs, wiping my eyes and trying to hold in the sobs as I went back into the garden and grabbed the diamond ring I had hidden under the mini table.
I put it all away, before going to bed alone. Again.
Heartbreak. It's a painful thing.
The thing about heartbreak is that, no matter how hard you try, the pieces just don't fit together like they did before. They leave you and take a piece of your heart with them so that it can never be fixed. It stays broken for as long as you live, even if you move on. The memory is always there.
Heartbreak is even more painful when it's caused by the one person you never thought would hurt you. I thought being with him would teach me how to love someone endlessly.
But, in the end, all I learnt was how to be strong alone.
As happy as I was when I answered the door and Andy was stood there, I knew it was bad news when I saw the look on his face. His face held guilt, regret, hurt, but also fear. I knew what was coming, but that doesn't mean it hurt any less.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
I nodded, leading him into the living room. We took a seat on the sofa and sat in silence for a short while. Each second that went by was like a dagger in my heart. It hurt that he was putting it off for so long.
"I love you, Mikey. So much. You're a great guy, and I'm lucky to have you in my life." He spoke calmly.
He looked me in the eyes and I knew my assumptions were correct. He looked pitiful, but I didn't want his pity. I just wanted him to be honest with me.
"I just don't feel the same spark as I used to when we kiss. It used to make butterflies erupt in my stomach. But now, it isn't you who makes me feel like that." He almost sounded ashamed, but I didn't care.
"Rye." He whispered.
I looked down, the tears forming in my eyes. Of course. Anyone could see that they were made for each other. Even I could, which was why I was so surprised when he chose to be with me.
"I'm so sorry Mikey."
"Don't be. It's okay. Not all relationships work out."
He gave me a small smile, standing up.
"I'll always cherish the time we spent together." He told me. I just nodded, not looking up. I knew that if I looked him in the eyes, I would never let him leave. I hated that I was still in love with him, knowing he didn't feel the same about me.
I walked him to the door and he turned around, pulling me into a kiss. It didn't feel the same. His kiss used to make me happy, but now it stung like a nettle. His touch used to make me feel safe, but now it made me feel even more alone.
"I love you Mikey." He whispered after we pulled away.
I smiled a sad smile. "I love you too. I'll never stop loving you."
He sighed. "That's what I was afraid of."
And with that, he left.
He left five years of love.
He left five years of happiness.
He left five years of memories.
But worst of all, he left me.