Five Minutes

The melting popsicle on the kitchen counter reminds me of him.

I was on time the day my son, Ethan died. Being a punctual person, I pride myself at being on time. One of my pet peeves is people who are late for meetings, theater engagements, funerals, you name it, if you are late, you are inconveniencing the rest of us who bothered to get there on time. It’s not rocket science people!

It was just like any other morning, 6:00 am – Morning Protein Shake and Exercise, 6:45 am – Shave, Shower and Poop, 7:05 am – Breakfast with Delores and Ethan, 7:45 am – Drive Ethan to School and drop Delores off at Fillerstein Pinkle Productions. She’s the scenic designer there. I am sure you have seen her stuff on Broadway. 8:30 am – Get Back Home and Work on Book. Easy, Simple, no major math involved. You know my saying, “Life is great, when you’re not late!” I know, I know it’s corny but that’s my philosophy that’s served me well all these years.

This morning we were a well-oiled machine, everything was going great. We were on time and heading out the door. At 7:50 am we had just stopped for a red light and were laughing at the antics that Ethan was doing in the back seat. He was a happy and playful child. Loved by his friends and all who meet him.

The light changed green, but I had not noticed. Delores alerted me to the fact that it had changed, and it was time to go if I wanted to be on time. I pressed the gas, the car started forward, I had no time to react as the eighteen wheeler, horn blaring, came barreling through the intersection, hitting us broadside, flipping the car over and over and over, as broken glass and broken bones joined each other in a terrible dance of death.

I woke up in the hospital. I had been thrown clear. My wife had also survived. My son, Ethan, was killed. I always hear people say how horrible it would be to outlive your children. That is an understatement.

Nothing was the same after that. I stopped writing. My wife was inconsolable. She sank into a terrible depression and committed suicide. That was the final straw for me. I ended up on the Golden Gate Bridge at midnight, staring down into the dark water below. The pain of losing them both was too much. I needed to stop the pain.

I closed my eyes, leaned forward and fell into the icy water headfirst. I felt the pain of my bones breaking from the impact of hitting the water at such a speed.

As I sank down deeper and deeper, I could feel myself losing consciousness but before I did, I heard,

“Shit. Let’s try it again. This time let’s make him five minutes early.” And then darkness enveloped me.

I awoke before my alarm, in my bed with my wife next to me thank god. Was that a dream? I had to check on Ethan. I jumped out of bed quickly. My wife followed asking me what was wrong. Not to worry her, I said,

“Nothing I just needed to see him.” We found him in bed, still sleeping. Since we were up anyway, we woke Ethan up, went through our normal morning routine and got out five minutes early! A first!

At the intersection of Penderson and Marble, I waited for the light to change to green before I proceeded. I was still shaky from the day before. It was the day before, right? Or was it two days?

Still lost in thought and moving extremely slowly through the intersection, I suddenly hear the car horn behind me which makes me jump, hit the accelerator and hurtle through the intersection. Someone started screaming. I waited for the worst to happen and, nothing. Turns out the person screaming was me. I breathed a sigh of relief. My heart was beating so loudly and rapidly in my chest, I barely heard my wife asking me what was the matter. Or did I lose my mind or something. All I knew was we made it through the intersection and all of us were still alive. What a beautiful day to be alive was the thought in my head as we headed towards Ethan’s school.

There is always a lot of construction going on in the city and today was no exception. As we approached Ethan’s school, we heard shouting and people running away from the school. We slowed down looking for the danger that was so evident to those running away and pointing up. I stopped the car, looked up through the windshield just in time to see a construction crane falling towards our car. I was able to get Ethan out of the car, but Delores’ seat belt got jammed. I could see there was no time to get to her. I looked back and saw the fear in her eyes and saw her lips mouth the words, ‘I love you’, I turned and ran between two parked cars, just before the crane came crashing down crushing the car completely.

The impact knocked Ethan and me to the ground. Holding him tight, I lost consciousness but not before I heard that damn voice again. “Shit. Let’s try it again. This time let’s make him five minutes late.” And then darkness enveloped me.

My alarm clock set for 5:55 did not go off that morning. At 6:15 am, I sat straight up, looking around. Was that a dream? My wife was not beside me and I feared that the dream was not a dream at all. I jumped out of bed frantically looking for her and found her in the bathroom brushing her teeth.

She spits, wipes her mouth and with a smile says, “Hey sleepy head. You’re going to be late and I know how much you like that.” Seeing the worried look on my face she says,

“Baby, are you ok?”

“Ethan!” I shout and run down the hall to his room. I burst through the door and see him standing there in his underwear.

He grabs the bedspread as his mother comes in behind me and says, “Jeez dad. How about knocking like you always tell me to do when you and mom are ‘wrestling’.”

Relief washes over me knowing that he is ok. My wife still concerned, touches my arm and asks,

“What is it Darius?”

“Nothing. I just had a bad dream. Let’s get ready.”

Nothing we did helped us make up the time and, in the end, we were running five minutes late.

This time at the same intersection, but five minutes later, I wait at the light, worry on my face. The light changes to green. I look both ways so long that the car behind me honks which makes me jump. Slowly I enter the intersection and we cross it safely. An audible sigh of relief involuntarily escapes from me. I did not know I had been holding my breath the entire time. We continue to Ethan’s school. Reaching the intersection of Canal and Prince, I once again proceed cautiously looking both ways. It’s clear and I proceed. Suddenly, I hear a crash above me. One of the school buses had lost control on the highway above and went through the guardrail. I only had a moment to tell Delores and Ethan that I loved them and then all went black.

I woke up and Delores and Ethan are standing in a hospital room, looking at me and they are both crying. It is then that I realize that I am looking at this scene from above. They are there and that is my body. Guess I did not make it but they both did. Good. That’s the way it should be.

An extremely bright light hits my eyes but does not blind me. It’s warm. It’s comforting and beckons me, but I don’t want to leave my family. At least I know they are safe, and I can rest in peace. As I float up towards the light, I hear,

“See. I told you I could make his soul leave his body. Now let’s reset with a different father and mess with the kid this time.”