In Search of

Abort! Abort landing. Blue surface not solid.

Revers thrusters, Hal. Full speed.

Reversing

Damn! I liked the blue. Everything else is grey.

I agree, Jack. Hal, Level off at 100. 13 degrees north-northeast. Max, do you see that grey surface with the lighter grey stripes? The ones that kind of look like herring bones.

I like herring, Dave.

Jack, you like everything.

True

Hal, slow descend.

Descending, sir. 95. 85, 75, 65, 55, 45, 35

Hal, can you turn us so that we're lined up between the stripes?

Turning. Resume descend. 25, 15, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3... 2..., - the C-Ani-Ne has landed, sir. Stand by for air probe. Calculating, calculating. Present in atmosphere is oxygen, hydrogen and nitrogen in acceptable levels. Carbon monoxide is high, but survivable, and testing, testing. Oh, far out! Captain, I do believe we have arrived.

Thank you, Hal, Open pod bay doors, please.

Pod bay pressurizing. Pod bay doors open sir.

Thank you, Hal. Are you ready, Jack?

Yes, Dave.

Hal, stay in radio contact. I will check in in ten clicks.

Aye, aye captain.

Huh? Never mind.

Where are we going, Dave?

Not sure. Let's see if we can restock our food storage pod.

Yes, Dave. That way, Dave! That way, Dave. That way.

I'll take your word for it. Lead on, Jack.

Food, food, food. Good food. Stinky food. Food.

Where?

In there, Dave. In there. In there.

Really? This large iron container. The one with all the boxes on top? Okay, yes. Now I get a whiff of it. You want me to lift you in there? Or should I go in?

My legs aren't long enough to get back out, Dave. Though I wouldn't mind being in there for a while.

Right. I'll go in.

Hey man. You hungry? Just chill, okay.

It's already quite chilly here, Dave. What do you think he means with chill?

I don't know, Jack. Let's wait for a click or two and see what happens. We need to learn the habits of these aliens.

Right. But the food is in there, Dave, It's in there. In there.

Here you go, man. Got some for your buddy too.

THANK YOU

Hey man. No problem. Just enjoy.

Dave? Dave. Dave! Oh, Dave. This is good, this is good. Oh, boy. This is so good.

Hm mm mm, Roger that. We got to get a lot of this to take home. Is there more? Is there more of this in that thing?

Yes, Dave. Wait, there is one more lick. No, one more. Dave?

I'm inside. Let me throw some of these things. No never mind, I think I found it. Is this it?

Close. Not exact. But good too.

This?

That's the same you just threw at me.

Well, it's dark in here. Ouch! This one?

That's it, That's it. That's it.

Okay, Jack. Take it easy.

Oh, man. That's heaven. Ouch. Ouch. Oh, that's so good.

Some of the edges are bit sharp, aren't they? Let me see the label. I think the first symbol is a snake. The second is ... an upside down lacrosse stick, wouldn't you say? What would you call the third one?

A tent with a loft?

Yeah, I see that. Then the fourth one would be a mountain, right?

If you say so, Dave.

So, we're looking for snake, lacrosse, tent and mountain. Remember that. Hal, come in. Hal, come in.

Yo, Hal here. Wha's happening, dude?

Huh? Never mind. Hal look in your intergalactic dictionary. Let me know what snake, upside down lacrosse stick, tent with loft and mountain means.

Yeah, man. I'll get on it, man.

Before you do that, Hal. Give me the coordinates of the nearest place I can procure nutrients.

Don't want to point out the obvious, Dave. But dude, you are standing at the back door of one of those places.

No, I mean in its unprepared form, packaged in small containers.

No problemo. Re-sear-ching. Ree - sear - chingeling.

Dave, what's the matter with Hal?

I don't know, Jack.

Hey dudes! There is something called Whole Foods, now, wrong decade. Oh, wait there's a Winn-Dixie. No, wait. The thing you are looking for is in something called K-mart.

Location, Hal.

Sending.

Got it.

Peace out, man.

Dave?

Yes, Jack.

What's wrong with Hal? Is he sick?

I hope not, Jack. I hope not. Let's go see if we can find some more of this heaven, shall we?

I'm right with you, Dave.

I know, Jack. That's why I brought you along. According to these coordinates it's ten blocks that way and then five that way.

Piece of cake, Dave. I like walking.

That you do.

Wow Dave. That's a big building and a large grey space with herring bone stripes.

It sure is, Jack. And a lot of different spaceships. Hal, come in. Hal come in.

Later dude. 's Happening, Dave?

Huh? Never mind. Hal, can you rise and land on your own and come meet us at this large grey surface with herring bone stripes?

That's a negatory, Dave. I'm not authorized. Au-tho-rized, rizzed. Hee, hee. I need your hand on my stick, Dave. There! I've said it.

Is Hal sick, Dave?

I have no idea, buddy. Let's complete this mission first. Then we'll see if he needs help.

Yes, Dave.

It'll be okay, buddy. I promise.

Of course, Dave.

Sir. Sir!

Ignore him.

He's not ignoring us, though.

Never mind. Which way, Jack? Show me.

That way, Dave. That way. That way!

Got it. Got it the first time. Come on. Stay ahead of him.

Sir. You need this cart. Here.

OH, THANK YOU.

Yeah, sure. Geez, I might be old, but I'm not hard of hearing.

Huh? Never mind. Lead on, Jack.

Through here! Here! Here!

Right. Very good, Jack. And a large supply, too. Snake, lacrosse, tent and mountain. This is it.

Dave?

Yes, Jack.

This one too, please.

It's a different shade of grey, though. Same symbols, so, yeah, sure.

All of them, Dave.

You bet. All of them, Jack.

Thank you, Dave.

You are welcome, buddy. Which way to the exit.

This way, Dave. This way. This way.

Sir, how many do you have?

I AM SORRY. I DID NOT COUNT THEM.

Sigh, (beep, beep, beep,...)

Dave there are three hundred and twenty-five of the one shade of grey and one hundred ten of the other.

MY FRIEND, ARE THEY ALL THE SAME PRICE?

Um, yes. Why?

IN THAT CASE, THERE ARE FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIVE CONTAINERS.

Sigh. Now I need to call the manager and have him cancel out the order. And start over.

AS YOU WISH.

Dave?

Yes, Jack?

How do we open them?

Excellent point, Jack. MY FREIND, HOW DO WE OPEN THESE CONTAINERS?

Dude! There is a little key on the lid. See?

INDEED. THANK YOU.

No problem, man.

Dillon, What's the problem, this time?

They have, um how many?

FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIVE.

Right four hundred and thirty-five tins. Can you cancel out this and ring up four hundred and thirty-five?

Really, sir? Hungry, aren't we. Are you going to feed the whole planet.

EXACTLY

Right. These are on close-out sale. With tax. Right, that'll be your total, sir. Very good. Here is your change. Thank you.

WHERE MAY I BE ABLE TO OBTAIN MORE OF THESE CONTAINERS?

Um, Try the A&P, sir.

THE A AND P?

Yes, actually, never mind. The army has pretty much bought all of them, anyway. You have a good day, sir. I hope you and your dog enjoy the Spam.

What's a dog, Dave?

I don't know, Jack. Trying to figure out what Spam is.