My Monster

My chin rested on my hand as I stared out the train window. I watched the snow-covered fields of Colorado swiftly pass. I glanced up and scanned the mountain range. With the beginning of fall came the conclusion of the coniferous pines. The majestic green had been replaced by a blanket of frost from the base of the mountain to their chilling peaks. I followed the range then as I glanced up, I jerked back away from the window. My eyes bulged as I stared in disbelief. Beyond the mountains waited an unspeakably large creature. I watched the creature’s head bobbing as it moved in sync with the train.

All I could confidently say was the creature was taller than the mountain peaks, had large ears like a fox, and enormous circular, black eyes. Its skin was of a grayish color. The creature wore a grin and stared back at me. Of course, the creature couldn’t possibly have been looking at me. At this distance, from this size, the very notion was absurd even with the aid of its grandiose eyes. No, it must have been looking at the train or the fields.

I swiftly patted the hand of my sister. “Ana, look at that,” I said eagerly.

Ana didn’t move her eyes from the book she studiously read. “What is it?”

“You have to see this. There’s something incredible beyond the mountains.”

“I’ve been to Colorado before. The mountains are nice, but I wouldn’t call them incredible,” she replied shortly. Her eyes remained fixated on her book.

“Ana, you aren’t listening. I see a creature. A monster. It’s massive.”

“I haven’t fallen for that since we were kids,” she replied in a self-assured tone.

I scrunched my face and ran my fingers through my hair. “Would you just look?” I asked frantically. I yanked her arm, and she abruptly pulled it back. Her mouth hung open, and she looked at me with lowered eyebrows.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked.

“Look!” I said nearly shouting. I pointed aggressively towards the creature beyond the mountains.

“Yes, the mountains look beautiful,” she said. “Can I go back to reading now?”

“I’m not talking about the mountains. I’m talking about the gigantic thing behind it.”

“What thing?” Ana asked. Her pitch elevated as her patience grew thin.

“There,” I said pushing my finger against the train window.

“You’re talking nonsense, and I’m going back to my book,” Ana said. She adjusted herself in her seat scooching away from me. She didn’t have much room to move, but the meaning behind the gesture felt clear.

I returned my gaze to the creature. An enormous hand with innumerable thin fingers arose from behind the mountain. The fingers wiggled like a jellyfish’s stingers floating carelessly in the ocean as they gripped the peak of the mountain. Another hand emerged from the other side of the monster’s head, this one with three long fingers pointed like spears, and gripped another peak. The monster heaved and pulled itself up above the mountain lifting itself high and swinging its legs through the relatively small space between the two peaks flying over the mountain and onto the snowy fields like a teenager jumping a turnstile.

As the creature landed, I cringed expecting to hear a loud boom, but as though the creature were weightless, its landing was silent. I saw the creature’s body in its entirety, although it was still too far to identify specific features. I saw the creature’s thin torso had a curve to it and resembled the letter “s.” Three legs with numerous bends grew from its torso, and at the end of each legs were three skinny talons like a bird. As the creature stood it bobbed up and down like a spring.

“Ana, it’s closer,” I said without taking my eye off it. “You can see it now.”

“If you bother me again, I’m finding another seat,” Ana said sternly. I looked at her and saw her coldly shift her back and shoulder away from me.

I dropped my limp arms to my sides while letting out a noticeably frustrated sigh. Ana slightly glanced back at me but quicky retreated her gaze when she realized she would be giving me the attention I craved.

My focus returned to the monster. It traversed across the field, towards the train unbothered by the frigid wind or icy terrain. It moved in an unnatural fashion extending its legs first before propelling its twisted body and bobbing head forward. I drew my head back before leaning closer. I squinted and bit my lip then my eyes widened. “It’s moving at the same speed as the train,” I thought. I placed my thumb on the window to confirm. “Perfect pace.”

While it navigated the frostbitten plains, it kept its conceited smirk. In fact, I felt the sinking feeling the smirk widened with each step it took. I watched it feeling like the creature’s immense eyes obsessed on me as I obsessed on the creature myself.

As it neared, I could better identify its features. Fur covered it from its head to its talons, save for the multitude of  areas wear bare skin revealed itself as though something, or the creature itself, had ripped the fur from its skin. Its eyes had no pupils. Instead, they were just massive black disks staring piercing me with their menacing gaze. Rather than teeth or tongue, its smirk revealed a dark purple void inside its head.

The thin waving fingers on the creature’s right had balls at their ends, and on the left hand, its pointed, spear-like fingers were more jagged than I initially perceived resembling a lightning bolt more than a spear. Its ears were rigid refusing to move with the creature’s bobbing head.

My stomach churned as I watched it come closer. “It’s coming for me,” I thought. It had to be. It knows I see it.

“Ana, please look,” I begged with a crack in my voice.

Ana’s head dropped. She placed her finger on the page of her book and closed it careful to keep her place and glanced at me with tired eyes. “What?”

“You see that thing, don’t you?” I asked desperately. “Please tell me you see it.”

To her credit, Ana leaned over and squinted. She raised and lowered her head earnestly searching for the creature I could clearly see through the window. She leaned back and shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I buried my hands in my head and grunted. “How can you not see it?”

Ana placed her hand gently on my shoulder. “I just don’t. Please calm down. You’re making a scene,” she whispered.

I looked up and saw several passengers glancing at us. I stood up and flailed my hands at the onlookers.

“You all see it, don’t you?” I yelled waving my hands at the creature lumbering towards us. Those who weren’t looking were looking now. “It’s huge. It’s monstrous. I can’t be the only one who sees it.”

They all turned away from me. Some grabbed the hands of their spouses or children as though I were a threat. I tightened my fists piercing my palm with my nails. I had no capacity for violence, but I felt ready to burst.

“Mam is everything alright?” a shaky voice asked.

I turned abruptly and saw the train attendant standing warily in the aisle. In the corner of my view, I saw my sister shamefully looking away from me.

“What do you see out of this window?” I asked. I pointed my trembling fingers out towards the creature still leisurely approaching.

The train attendant leaned forward and squinted then she raised her hand above her eyes to block out the glare of the sun. She peered for a good few seconds before leaning up and gawking at me with the same perplexed gaze as the rest.

“Do you need some water?” she asked.

I sat down and slumped into my seat. My mouth hung open while I felt every ounce of energy rapidly seep out of my body. “I’m sorry,” I said weakly.

The train attendant smiled uncomfortably and patted the air as though she couldn’t think of a proper response or gesture before sluggishly walking away.

Ana faced me. She took a deep breath and gazed at me with hard eyes. “Why are you acting like a loon?”

“I just can’t believe nobody else sees it,” I said shaking my head. “It’s still coming.”

I turned to confirm, and yes, the monster was still leisurely approaching the train.

“What’s your game? Are you trying to stop this move?”

I abruptly turned to her. “What are you implying?”

“Well, you’re acting crazy. Only reason I can think of is you’re scared of moving.”

“This has nothing to do with that,” I said in a defensive tone.

“Then why are you acting like a child and making up nonsense.” Even though she whispered, she was loud enough to have a frustrated, stern tone.

“Ana, I told you. I don’t mind moving. I know it’ll be better for us,” I replied. For a moment, I forgot that a monster was gradually nearing as I oddly found my sister’s accusations to be more insidious.

“You sure did whine a lot when it was proposed,” she accused. “And I bet this is all just a desperate attempt for me to say we should go back and live with dad. Life is changing. Get over it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.

Ana scoffed and resumed reading her book. “Stop, this nonsense and grow up.”

I felt beside myself. I knew this wasn’t some strange manifestation of the mind. I truly didn’t mind moving. I felt confident that I could make new friends, find love again, learn to appreciate a new city. I didn’t fear being away from my father. But Ana couldn’t see that no more than she could see the looming beast.

The train darkened with only the dim glow of some lightbulbs in the aisle to give us light. I turned to the window and saw we entered a tunnel. The shadows of rocks swiftly passed as we sped through, and when the light rapidly shed away the darkness, I saw the creature waiting on the other side. The once enormous creature was now about as tall as the train. It walked side by side with my window, staring and smirking at me. My heart raced while I watched its head bob up and down mere inches away. I peered into the void of its mouth and the soullessness in its eyes.

As expected, there were no gasps from the other passengers. Nobody looked up from their books or papers. No conversations were interrupted by shrieks. And I was too tired to scream. I accepted the creature. “You are my monster.”

The train stopped, and my monster with it. Every passenger stood in near unison grabbing their suitcases and belongings. My sister closed her book and peered at me with a look of concern. “Are you ready?” she asked holding out her hand. I peeked at the monster waiting outside then looked back at my sister before timidly nodding. We patiently waited for the passengers ahead to exit the train.

As I walked down the aisle, my monster followed as it had during the train ride. I took a step off the train. The cold breeze pierced me, and I shivered. I stood before the enormous beast. It bent over so that’s its head could be as close as it could to mine. It held out its hand with the thin, waving fingers, but it wasn’t menacing. Rather, it reminded me of the way my sister held out hers.

I reached out and placed my hand in its enormous palm. “Let’s go then.”