Ms. Maisy

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*TRIGGER WARNING* contains minor themes of abuse, attempts of sucide, consumption of drugs and alcohol and sexual abuse. 

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I’m in a place where time seems to stand still. The social norm is that there is no social norm. You don’t bother anyone, and they don’t bother you. Everything feels totally surreal. One man walks past wearing sweatpants and a suit jacket. A young girl is wearing a skirt with what looks to be her fathers jacket. A teenager is lying across three chairs wearing the baggiest sweatpants and sweater combo along with worn out birkenstocks. 

I've always enjoyed being in airports. 

The last time I was on a plane was when I travelled here, to New York City to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. I’m filled with anxiety, fearful of returning to the place that I left. Wondering if they’re upset at me for abandoning them. Of course I know that they’re not, that the idea is ridiculous. They told me to go. Encouraged me too, in fact. They even chipped in on the tickets and bought me going away gifts. I guess that I’m more afraid that they’ll be upset that I didn’t come back sooner. That it took such a big event to get me back. 

It’s been almost a year since I’ve been home. I decided from the beginning that I needed a year to settle in. I talk to them all the time, and they’ve visited me, but still.

I was the first to leave. It was strange, leaving those who had taken care of me so well, loved me when my own kin didn’t. One may say that you cannot find or choose your family. “Blood is thicker than water,” and all that. First of all, the original saying is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Second of all, you can choose your family. Family is not made up of those you are related to, but rather those who love you unconditionally. 

I met met Ms. Maisy in the summer when I was seven. I was running through the woods, playing games, when I came upon a log cabin. Outside of it was an old woman, rocking on her rocking chair. She smiled and waved at me . She offered me some treats. Being so young, with so little parental supervision, I accepted. As it turns out, she was a good person. She genuinely wanted to get to know me. From then on, she became like my grandmother, the one adult figure in our life who loved me. She became my friend and my protector. Over the years, she became that and so much more to so many others. 

I met Jason that same year. He was a big kid, but really sweet. Blond hair and blue eyes. He was the first kid that I ever met that had a similar life like me. I noticed one day that he had cigarette burns in the place where the arm folds. I went up to him at recess and offered him some aloe vera gel, telling him that it always soothed my burns. He thanked me. The next day, he punched Leroy Jenkins in the face for calling me a ”little whore, just like your mommy.” Leroy Jenkins was eleven at the time, but he knew of me because his sister was in my class. Unbeknownst to me his parents were getting divorced because his father had slept with my mom. It wasn’t really his fault, all that he understood was that his parents weren't going to be together anymore and that it was somehow my mom's fault. He was just sad, confused and angry. Either way, Jason and I were inseparable after that. 

For a long time it was just Jason and I, until we met Kate. She joined our class when we were nine. She was so quiet. Jason and I took one look at her raggy clothes, worn out shoes and bruised arms in her little purple wheelchair and decided that she would fit in just right with us. She just accepted it, and eventually she warmed up to us. We became a little family. 

Oddly enough, the next person that joined our little posse was Leroy Jenkins sister, Hallie, when we were eleven. She initiated it, simply by coming up to us and asking if she could sit with us. Of course we said yes. We later found out that her brother had just been hospitalized earlier that week for an attempt, and she didn’t want to end up like him, so she decided to make friends. 

That summer, we met the twins, Jack and Jackie. We also met their little brother, Mark. We were at the carnival. Ms. Maisy was working at a booth spinning cotton candy, and she had given us wristbands in exchange for handing out flyers for hers and some other booths. The wrist bands gave us unlimited access to all of the games and rides at the carnival. We went to go do one of those shooting games. They were there, trying to win a stuffed dog for their brother. They ran out of money. Mark started crying. They didn’t have many toys. We all looked at each other, and immediately decided what to do. I went to talk to them, Kate and Hallie went to grab more wristbands, and Jason worked on winning that dog. He did it on his third try. Moments later, the other two girls arrived, with three more wristbands. I bought us all ice cream bars. We spent the rest of the night and the next day just being kids, having some of the most fun that we’d ever had. 

For a while, it was just the six of us, plus Ms. Maisy. We were fifteen, and had just started grade 10. One night us girls decided to go for a walk because Jason and Jack were a bit too involved in their video game. Normally we all liked video games, but the two of them had this weird obsession with this golfing game which the rest of us found incredibly boring. We walked down a back alley. One of the houses was having an obnoxiously loud party. In the alley, tucked up behind a dumpster, was a girl, crying. Her name was Donna Jean, and she was one of the “popular” kids who paid no attention to us. We got her to Ms. Maisy’s, got some food and water in her, and she told us the story. She had been at the party, drinking, when she went into a room with a guy. He wanted to go farther. She didn’t. He didn’t like that, and in the end she didn’t get a choice. She ran out and told her friends, who dismissed her. Some of the guys laughed at her reaction, so she ran. That’s when we found her. Ms. Maisy told us that she wanted a moment alone with Donna. Fifteen minutes later, the cops and an ambulance showed up. The boy who did it to her was arrested. When Donna returned to school she sat with us instead of her old friends, and asked to be called DJ instead of Donna. 

I meant Josué in an ASL class that same year. They did a partner method, where each hearing student was matched up with a deaf or hard of hearing one to learn better. Josué was mine. I introduced him to the rest of the group. He and Jason hit it off immediately. It was two whole months of awkward flirting before Jason finally asked him out. They were the first couple in our group. 

Jack and I were next, only three weeks after. I had liked him for over a year, and apparently he had liked me pretty much since we met. He told me at the beach, by asking me on a walk while we were all at the fire Ms. Maisy had just built. I was so nervous that I thought that I was going to explode. That night I had my first kiss. 

Jackie and Hailee started dating at the end of grade eleven, at Jackie and Jack’s 17th birthday party. We all cheered when we found out. 

Then came graduation. One might think that it would be a big deal, but it wasn’t. We had all decided to take a gap year, move in together and save some money. We all stayed close, as a way to stay near Ms. Maisy. 

Others within our group had significant others, and so those people joined our group, sometimes temporarily. 

We all stayed living together, going to nearby universities and colleges. We didn’t want to leave each other. 

Those years passed quickly, and they were some of the best of our lives. We learned, and travelled, and discovered who we were. And no matter what, we were loyal to each other. 

Just less than a year after graduation I left for New York. Began writing, got a job at a coffee shop. A month after I left, Hailee went off to Los Angeles to become an actress. Not long after, Jackie joined her as a stuntwoman. Kate got into a good school in Boston and went to study to become a psychologist. DJ went to Hawaii to work at a resort to get enough job experience for her job as a sales coordinator. Jason and Josué moved north. Jason went to study to become a doctor and Josué got a teaching job. Six months after I left Jack joined me in New York to continue to study film. 

Now we’re all returning. 

Jack shakes me awake from my sleep. 

“We’re about to land,” He whispers “time to get up.” 

An hour later, we’re standing in the log cabin. Hailee, DJ and Jackie are all already there. Within two hours, the rest are here. 

Kate sniffs “ready to go?” 

We all sigh. It’s just us. Everyone’s significant other who wasn’t a part of the group isn’t joining us until later. This part is just us. Our family. 

We walk out of the cabin. Jacks holding my one hand, and I’ve got a small tree in the other. Slowly, we all dig holes. 

“Ready everyone?” Jason asks 

One by one, we sprinkle a tiny portion of ash into our holes, before planting our tree and filling in the hole. We all stand around our tiny trees, silent. 

“Should we maybe say something?” Hailee finally asks 

Jack clears his throat he says and signs “I’ll go.” We all nod to show our support before he begins “Ms. Maisy was a kind soul. She loved everyone, no matter who they were or what they did. She never turned anyone away. She loved us like parents should love their children, fully and unconditionally. She put every day into us. She made sure that we were our best selves one hundred percent of the time. She always told me that I did not need to live up to any expectations of who I should be except for my own. She was never disappointed in me, no matter how many mistakes I made. She loved me more than I thought anyone ever could.” 

“Ms Maisy was the first adult to ever tell me that I mattered beyond my capabilities.” Hailee says, moving her hands as she speaks “I was always the golden child, especially with everything that went on with my brother. She told me that I mattered, that my feelings mattered. She encouraged me to do what I want instead of what others expect. She taught me to be me.” 

Jousé only signs, since he prefers it to speaking “Ms. Maisy never let me limit myself. She made sure that I never thought less of myself, that I knew that I was equal and that I was loved. She made me see that I can be whoever or whatever I want.” 

Jason bites his lip and begins “Ms. Maisy was the first one to know about my true feelings. She seemed to know even before I told her. When my parents shamed and hated me for being me, she gave me all of the love I needed.” 

DJ wipes tears from her eyes “Ms. Maisy showed me that I am not only what other people make me out to be. I am whoever I want to be, and I should not be imprisoned by others judgments. She saved me from myself, since I was so trapped within others' hate and judgments. She freed me.” 

“I didn’t know that an adult could love a child like that until I met Ms. Maisy.” Jackie says “she showed me what love really is. She showed me how gentle, kind and caring a parent should be. She’s the reason that I don’t allow myself to be loved any less than I deserve.” 

“Ms. Maisy was the first adult to look at me without pity in her eyes.” Kate says “she saw me as a whole, not as a broken person. She never made me feel like I was less than others. She saw me as what I am on the inside more than the out. And what’s more than that, she taught me to see myself the same way. To see beyond and not be limited to the limitations imposed on me by others.” 

I swallow the lump in my throat “Ms. Maisy… she saved me. When nobody else cared, she did. When nobody else saw me, she did. When I refused to love myself, she did. She saved me. Without her, I never would have found out that aloe vera was good for burns, and I never would have approached Jason. And we never would have approached Kate. Hailee would have never just come to me by myself. I wouldn’t have been at that carnival, nor would’ve I had the nerve to help the twins. I would’ve been too afraid to help DJ out. I wouldn’t have been brave enough to take a class like that ASL class. She gave me the gift of you guys, and so she saved me. She gave me her love, and in doing so, she saved me. And she will be here with me for as long as I live.” 

After I finish, I break down. The others do as well, and we fall into each other, feeling. 

That night, we’re eating Chili and hotdogs around the campfire, telling stories about our childhood. Only the happy ones. There seems to be an unspoken agreement that now is the time for joyous remembrance. Kate and DJ have their boyfriends there. We have some new friends, as well as some kids that we all loved. They laugh at our stories, and as much as they try, the don’t understand. They don’t share our grief. And in that moment, I feel sorry for them. Sorry that they will never get to have a real conversation with Ms. Maisy. Never get to hang out with her on her porch on a sunny summer day. Never listen to her old stories around the fire at night. Never play a game with her in the cabin during rain. Never go ice fishing with her. Never garden with her. Never hike with her. They will never feel the love of Ms. Maisy, and because of that they are truly missing out. Ms. Maisy love caused you to love so much, in a way precious few learn. Ms. Maisy’s love saved lives.