The Fascinating Fracture

Attraction takes a willingness to become alive in another’s presence and remain still in your own space. I wouldn’t say that it is stoicism on my part, to keep from tripping all over myself in those split moments, where I catch the glimmer of someone’s soul light. It is more in keeping with the fracture I let happen in my heart that allows that other person’s light in. That instantaneous rip across the veiled curtains, the set that my eyes hide behind, reveals all anyone needs to know; I am the fool to fall in love first. The fascinating fracture, that gives way to the illumination, is so easily an illusion in the story a fool makes of the person she does not know. I have written that story more than once, felt the pain of the fracture, then found my way back to my own space.

  Mosaics, mobiles, moving pictures, I can certainly create a few! I have met ladies who have hung in the timelessness of infinite space, never seeming to come down from the heavens, floating like feathers in some cosmic invisible breeze. Many more gals have been those old Kodak super eight films, those eight-millimeter reels that spin on and on but never tell more than the images that were exposed, always disjointed and featuring a family vacation or two in worlds lost to time. The mosaic women have always had that place in a garden where the light catches their cracks, facets, the imperfections that sunlight blends and breaks across the chips of their souls. Those are the ones that the greatest stories come from, the pieces that don’t quite fit but are the picture of power and passion that hasn’t been put together just right, with cuts and scars there for the proof. Of all the artwork I could create, there will never be the same image found in those mosaic women; one turn, one shadow, one careless pass and some part of you becomes hers.

             Watching a friend of mine trying to avoid her ex was a lot like witnessing her avoiding landmines in an open field, with warning signs everywhere. This was a reminder to me that this is not the plan forward for me. Every time she would mention her ex, who do you suppose would show up halfway through our conversation? It was as if she was calling her ex to join her wherever she or I went! I would joke about looking for mirrors being set up to make sure one of us would see her or that the microphone on her smartphone was stuck on the ex’s number. My friend had a relentless mosaic woman on her hands, with deep fractures still needing the paste to seal it all back together again. The problem was that my friend was a broken image too. When two people are broken like that, the light just flies around everywhere in the same blinding manner that brought the two together. Now that they are separated, the splinters and shards of what they had won’t stop cutting into their hearts, until they have bled themselves completely out, while dancing through their field of landmines

Having let my last relationship find itself filed under the caption, “Long Story, Short Answers”, I knew how easily I could get shaken up by a mosaic kind of a woman. It was the last thing I needed to have happen to me, especially in the middle of my studies and my own personal evolution in life. I am working on the cracks in the soft heart I have, mesmerized by the massive mitigation of so many hairline traces, the fine burrs nipped along the edges of my spirit. Every bit of the indentations, bruises still fresh on some of the surfaces, lit up at the very thought of someone wonderful to take my ex’s place. Yet, as I had a tight rein on the very horses working to buck me off and tear down a country road with me dangling alongside of them, I knew that there is nothing more that I could do once I allow that light to become the trance to pull me back into the fascinating fracture again. I probably would be writing another story at that point called, “There She Goes Again, Volume 10,999”

The power that peoples, places, and things have often become synonymous in the moment, and just as often become misconstrued as something less that pleasant, seen as some bizarre construct in the Universe. When you put fear and negativity behind it, it will bring out that very same energy to materialize that fear into exactly what you want. The truth is anything you want that much is going to be delivered to you exactly in the manner you want it to be. My friend kept manifesting the same issue with her ex over and over again. The result of that was the appearance of her ex in her full regalia, interrupting conversations physically and mentally, and always right on time with what ever she was thinking that triggered her ex to show up. The synchronicity was tied to the lower levels of her thoughts, delivered to her at the speed of those thoughts, and produced right in front of her at the exact time she allowed that to happen. Anything you want synchronizes perfectly to what you believe you need in that instant, depending on the vibration you give it to be the thing you desire.

For myself, I no longer need, desire, or even want to contemplate a mosaic, mobile, or moving picture type of woman in my life. The vessel that I am is broken a lot like my friend but it doesn’t need to stay that way. I have found a number of my breaking points and surprisingly, the exact kind of woman I need to manifest, had coffee with me today. Just as I closed the lid on the coffee maker, there she was! I could not have envisioned a more beautiful, more loving, and especially more robust woman that could ever be in my presence. I had been thinking what love meant to me, what does that feel like for me, and what would that love look like? I looked up and found her looking right at me in the reflection on the microwave oven glass panel. I turned and saw her shadow move along the floor in the kitchen. I smile and she smiled with me. A whole woman was right there at my breakfast table and she was me.