Hold On

I still remember...it has been fifteen years, and she won't leave my mind. Her delicate features and bright smile... She was the person I admired the most. Guess she changed me. How couldn't she, though? After all, it was my fault.

I would always pick one her. Everyone did. My naiveness, that's what caused it. Determined to get her attention, I never once stopped to think about what I was really doing.

15 years ago

She lay there, books sprawled all over the floor. I had tripped her again. The third time that day, I think. In my defense, I didn't know that what I was doing was wrong. Well, I did, but not in the way you might think.

I had heard it was harmful. I couldn't understand why, though. That was what everyone did here. At least, that's what my classmates did to me. They said it was all in good fun, and I had believed them.

Her knees were bleeding. She looked so miserable. Reaching my hand to her, I got a look at her face. Tears fell down her eyes. One by one, they fell on the floor. Our eyes met. Without my help, she rose from the ground. This time, though, she didn't get mad at me. This time, she ran. All the books left behind, she ran like the wind, never looking back. I was gonna run after her, but I was stopped by Joey's hand over my shoulder.

"You must really hate her, huh?" Joey said.

"What? Hate her?"

"Yeah. Isn't that why you did it?"

"No. You guys said this was all in good fun. Why would I do this if I hated her?"

"Oh, right... it is." I could tell that something was wrong by the way he refused to meet my gaze. I brushed it off, anyway.

I had met Anya that same year, if 'met her' can describe the brief interaction we had. It was a matter of seconds. I had caught a glance of her running to the library with a bunch of books at hand. Her beautiful brownish hair, flowing with the wind and her smile, oh god, I couldn't forget her smile, brighter than the sun. From then on, I started paying more attention to her. To what she liked to do on a summer afternoon and what her favorite food was. I was in love. I wanted to talk to her, but how could I do that when I was so shy around her? One day, when I saw two of my classmates picking at her and Anya paying them attention, I had an incredible idea. You can probably already guess what it was.

The baiting her continued for months, every time a new chance to get Anya's attention. I prayed she would look at me, talk to me, or at least yell at me when I baited her. And that's how it was, but as the months continued, I wouldn't see her smile anymore. She stopped coming to school, and the days she would come, the look in her eyes said it all.

They were faded, red from the crying. I couldn't understand. 'Had I played around too much? Was I the one that made her sad? What if it was true what the adults said about bullying?' Those were the thought that crossed through my mind over and over again. I couldn't hold it anymore. I had to see her. If her sadness was my fault, I had to ask for her forgiveness.

I searched the whole school. 'Where is she?' I thought. Anya wasn't very popular with the students here. She was always all caught up with her books. Some people even tried to be friends with her, but she would get all shy and run away. I had heard that she had been seen near the abandoned bathroom at the east wing. I knocked and called for her, yet everything was silent.

When I was about to give up, I saw blood coming from the bathroom. It appeared to be mixed with water. Quickly, I opened the door to see Anya lying on the floor, blood pouring from her right arm.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" I shouted, trying to stop the blood from seeping out. I took out the scissors from my backpack and began to cut my shirt.

"Wasn't that one of the things your pals would call me?" Realization struck me. It had been true. Her face looked like she was joking, but I knew better.

"I'm sorry. I did this to you." Tears were slipping down my eyes as I hugged her. Her body was so warm, despite all the blood she had lost. I explained everything to her.

"I forgive you," She said.

"What? No. How can you forgive me so easily?"

"I could see it in your eyes, you know? When I would look into your eyes, I wouldn't see hatred like in the other. I would see admiration, caring, love even."

"Then why didn't you confront me? I would have told you, and you wouldn't be dying."

"Nothing is so easy." She pulled her uniform shirt up, and I saw them. All the bruises imprinted in her body. They had beaten her up... "My parents did this. Sometimes it's better to just give up..." That was the last thing she said before she died. I tried to bring her back, called the teachers, the police, anyone I could see. Nothing helped. She had died, and there was no other truth to that.

Now:

From that day on, I promised myself one thing. No else that I cared about was going to die. I was going to become someone that could change lives and help everyone around me. And that's how I ended here as Anya's Senior High School's counselor and director.

Author's note: Please don't commit suicide. There are a lot of people out there that love and care for you. Even if they don't seem to.