Go Pick Yourself

“Oh come on Claire! It’s not that big of a deal!” Maddie shouted at her girlfriend who was currently strutting away from her into the collection of apple trees. “I’m sorry!”

            Claire held in her hand a basket which was made from straw and kept pricking at her fingers. She kept shifting it, trying to find a more comfortable way to hold it. She didn’t want to come today, but she couldn’t get a refund on the trip. She didn’t think Maddie would show up as well, after their argument the other night. 

            “It is that big of a deal! And the fact that you think it isn’t just proves how little you respect me!” Claire shouted at the girl trailing behind her. People were staring at the couple as they walked past. Children were giggling and running around. Claire kept walking further into the farm, finding a tree with no one around. She placed the painful basket on the ground and moved closer to the tree. “I didn’t even expect you to be here.”

            “I expected you to, that’s why I came.” Maddie admitted. She walked over to Claire, reaching for her hand. Claire pulled away, masking her emotions as best as she could. She wanted to hold her hand. She wanted to forgive her. But she wouldn’t allow herself to. Maddie knew better than thinking Claire would forgive her so easily. But she didn’t understand why it was that big of a deal. 

            Maddie sighed, “I didn’t think it would hurt you.” 

            “Well it did.” Claire snapped, reaching up for an apple. She had to stand on her toes to grasp it in her hand. She wasn’t much shorter than Maddie, the branch was just a little out of her reach. She twisted the apple and pulled on it. It snapped off the tree and Claire threw it into the basket. “And you don’t seem to care all that much.”

            “Of course I care, Claire!” Maddie exclaimed. She followed suit with Claire and started picking the apple tree. “When it comes to you, I always care.”

            Claire’s heart melted when she heard Maddie say that. For a moment, she thought of just forgetting the whole thing. Until the embarrassment washed over her and it all came rushing back. She felt humiliated when Maddie introduced her to her friends. The word she used haunted her brain, taunting her every waking moment. 

            “Yeah well, I don’t care!” Claire plucked at another apple, pulling too hard. She felt her feet sweep out from under her and she fell backwards. She tried to place her hands down first to lower the impact. She closed her eyes and waited to hit the ground. When her hands felt the fabric of someone’s shirt she realized that someone caught her. 

            “I got you.” Maddie whispered in her ear. She tried to help Claire up, but she pushed Maddie away, stumbling to get back on her own feet. “Claire, I’m sorry. It just slipped.”

            “You didn’t correct it.”

            “I didn’t think of it!” 

            Clair scoffed, brushing the leaves off her navy-blue sweater. Maddie watched as she ignored her, feeling defeated. She never thought that a silly word would be the end of them. Her mouth always went to action before her mind did. She never thought that would be the reason why Claire would dump her. 

            “Claire, listen,” Maddie started, only to be cut off by a raging Claire who suddenly turned around to face her. Her eyes were narrowed and her nostrils were flaring. As cute as Claire looked, Maddie knew better than to say anything. Claire was built up with all of this anger and now it was her fuel. 

            “No! You listen to me Madison!” Claire shouted. She had never used Maddie’s real name before, which threw Maddie off. She felt like she was getting yelled at by her mother. Claire didn’t care. She just wanted to yell. “Do you know how humiliated I was? I was so excited to meet everyone and then you went ahead and pulled that? Are you serious?” 

            Maddie sighed, looking to the dead grass for answers. She didn’t know what to say. It was an accident, she just slipped up. She hadn’t realized it would affect Claire so much. 

            “Okay,” Maddie spoke, cautiously. Claire was now facing the other direction, holding back her tears. “What do we do now? Are we breaking up?”

            Claire wiped back around; her vision being blurred. “What? You want to break up?”

            “No!” Maddie hissed, frantically shaking her head. “Of course not. I want to fix this.”

            Claire huffed, plopping down on the grass. Her head felt heavy and she was embarrassed of the way she was behaving, she never wanted to make this much of a deal about it, but it hurt her. She got hurt. 

            “Are you embarrassed that you’re gay?” She finally asked. Claire didn’t know what she wanted to hear as a response. She was nervous about asking in general. Maddie tilted her head to the side before moving forwards. She sat down next to Claire, her hands playing with the dead, brown grass. 

            “No.” Maddie spoke, softly. “My friends already knew I was gay; I’m not embarrassed of that.” 

            Claire looked up at her, her green eyes swelling with tears. “So you’re embarrassed of me?”

            Maddie sighed, pulling Claire in. Claire hesitated for a moment, then gave up all of her will to fight back. She laid her head on Maddie’s shoulder and breathed. The sky was bright, not a single cloud blocking the sun. The wind was cool against their skin, but not even to make them shiver. 

            “No, I’m not embarrassed of you.” Maddie admitted. “It was honestly just a slip up of the word.”

            “Promise?”

            Maddie looked down at her girlfriend and smiled. “Yes, I promise.”

            The relief shifted off of Claire and floated away. She grinned to herself and leaned further into Maddie, holding her close. 

            Maddie shifted to face her, “And if it makes you feel any better, I can reintroduce you as my girlfriend.”

            Claire giggled, “Your pretty girlfriend.” 

            “My pretty girlfriend. Now, let’s go get some apples.”