TRYING TO SET RECORD STRAIGHT

The white rays of the sun streamed through tall trees like long spears, the wind blew a gentle easterly breeze swaying branches like drunken women in choir practice. Walking deeper into the jungle I came upon a tree bristling with nice fruits. I stretched my hand to pluck one but I immediately pulled it back, shocked by a strange phenomenon.

“Hi there, I hope you will help me on this one,” there was a serpent swinging its cylindrical trunk into a sitting position on the very branch I wanted to pluck a fruit. It had opened its red eyes wider, resembling an orange ball of fire in the setting sun.

“Mamaaa!” I screamed in fear, my legs were already racing away from the tree.

”Don’t run away, I am talking to you,” the serpent called me back like an old woman facing abandonment.”Please come back here.”

“What is the problem beautiful one?” I stopped running; my whole body was shaking like a leaf in a July whirlwind. Keeping the soul and flesh together was becoming a desperate struggle. Secretly I was glad that this sly venomous creature was facing some kind of trouble. That meant less slander going around and few injuries from it's terrible fangs.

“There is a rumor going around about Eve,” the ancient reptile hissed and tossed out a forked tongue as it meandered along a low lying branch for some comfort.

It eyed me suspiciously, but the glittering pupils showed that my compliments had hit the mark. Seeing no hint of violence, I climbed the tree to get a bit nearer to the host.

“What about Eve?” I was instantly on guard, my fertile imagination sprung to life. “What has she done this time?”

“She goes around the galaxies saying that I tricked her to eat some fruit, “the serpent said while airing itself by opening up the scales on the sides. The horrible skin covers stood in rows like a disc harrow.

“I don’t know anything about you and Eve,” I said trying to stay in safe waters, “try to ask someone else.”

This time the serpent freaked out, spread its neck to look like a grey shovel, and glared at me with burning eyes, “you are a very cagey woman, why can’t I ask you?”

“I said I don’t know, what will I tell you?”I asked, genuinely irritated by the stupid persistence of this creature.

“I don’t know why I should be talking to a blockhead like you,” it hissed angrily, raising it's tail two meters high and spreading it's chest wide in surprise. I quickly scrambled down a branch thinking that it was now launching an attack.

I was wrong. It was using the tail to point at me, the way humans use a finger. “Eve‘s children are as bad as she was,” she lamented, more to herself than to me.

“Now I don’t like that, don’t dare insult mom,” I said while clambering back up the branch in rage. “She wasn’t as bad as you are trying to paint her just now.” The last sentence was an effort at warning the dangerous reptile not to insult Eve. She may have missed a chance but she is still our ancestor, she deserves respect.

“There is a lot about eternity that you don’t know,” the serpent said sadly. It was now hissing quietly, its head drooping sadly like a withered flower, but still throwing a shower of spittle about with its forked tongue, “Eve has spoiled my name. Everyone is blaming me for your problems; I have come to set the record straight.”

“But what has she said about you?” I exploded.

“You can’t believe what that woman said about me, sure,” it said looking very sad. But the way it surveyed me under dark eyes instantly put me on alert.

“And what do you have against Eve,” I asked, “mind you I have a deep longing for her, blood is thicker than water, you know?”

“I thought ours was a little woman to woman talk. Something about the power of the petticoat,” it continued without saying the real problem.

“Hey you,” I wailed, now frustrated, “are you ever getting to the point?”

“You are as impatient as that silly woman,” the serpent said baring the forked tongue which looked like a two-pronged garden fork, “Can you imagine she had already finished eating the fruit even before I gave it to her.”

“If you have nothing against mom,” I was now shouting, “please stop that type of slander. It irritates.”

‘Who is slandering who here?”The serpent howled now looking bitter, “just because I was not there to defend myself….”

“I don’t believe you,” I said, “mom cannot say slanderous things about anyone.”

I was now getting angry, feeling that the aged reptile was just wasting my time accusing Eve of some offense she was unable to name. But as I turned to go, the serpent heaved dangerously shaking the whole tree like a whirlwind. It's huge trunk flowed from head to tail on an awesome longitudinal wave. There were flashes of dust particles flying out on the compressions and wheeze sounds on the rarefactions. I was still transfixed watching it in awe when it coughed and said; “now I feel much better. But hey why are you staring at me like a ghost?”

“Oh sorry,” I said suddenly very scared of this beast, “I am mesmerized by your immense beauty.”

“Oh I see,” it said obviously pleased with the compliment, “I am now old; you should have seen me when I was young. I was such a gorgeous diva; Eve envied me greatly. I believe she has told you that.”

The way she looked at me gave the impression that it expected me to agree with it's self-praises. When I didn’t say anything, she became quiet; throwing dark eyes to the roof like someone in deep thought. Than it plucked a luscious purple fruit and started eating while meditating somberly, “I think you are right, I am a very beautiful woman, a diva with blonde hair doesn’t compare.”

“Now let me give you advice,” I said, “such beauty cannot reside in the same chambers with malice…”

That made the serpent so pleased with me that it twisted its tail to give me the luscious-looking fruit. The tail coiled up like smoke curls bending towards me, bearing the fruit at the end. But on remembering what happened to Eve, I refused the offer out of hand.

“No, no I am fine,” I waved the tail away and instead took out some cookies and started cracking them. Who wants to be cheated with eyes wide open?

Disappointed, the serpent eyed me like a director sizing you up for a job before saying; “you are more intelligent than your mom, Eve.”

“No! No! No! I objected, “I am light years from her in intelligence. Maybe you just misunderstood each other.”

“Why are you defending her so much?” she asked n frustration.

“Why would I side with her enemy who doesn’t seem to have a concrete thing to hang the accusations on?”

“Oh sorry,” the serpent was saying but suddenly it started strutting about with undulating curves imitating the Kim Kadarshian catwalk. Its head stood like a pole staring straight ahead, the back had stiffened like a steel beam just like a model on a red carpet… The bottom part just above the tail, which should have been the hip, was undulating from side to side. The tail was acting like legs, hey watch it…what a mess?

In my mind, I was horrified seeing this gory video being stretched even a minute beyond that point. Though I was clapping feigning support, deep down my heart I was screaming for some intervention to prevent the sickening disaster about to happen.

Imagine the horror I felt the next minute when without warning, the whole tree shook violently followed by a great crash on the ground below. My host had fallen to the ground. Can you strut in a tree honestly?

My whole chest shook like a roaring volcano of laughter, one with real mirth, but I had to hold it with great effort in case that beast took offense, I didn’t fancy being it's dinner. Looking at the dusted serpent, my chest felt like a boiling kettle with excitement. There is that feeling one gets when they see an enemy missing out on something great which they can’t get as well. “Serves the idiot right,” I winked to myself as I climbed down the tree to offer my faked condolences.

“Oh, I am so sorry,” I said, throwing myself to the ground two meters away like a dog welcoming its master while making polite noises. But the next words almost broke the Potomac banks; it should have given me away.

“Don’t insult me with your stupid humanity,” it said, “I know, to you Eve comes first.” It waggled its eyes looking at me like someone who was already breathing the refreshing perfumes of secret games. The nose was stuck out high like some high-class lady in a busy street as it climbed back into the tree, to the same branch.

“She is my mom,” I said, “but I still feel sorry for you, falling so badly. Haven’t you broken a backbone?”

“No. I wonder why Eve is not like you,” it said suddenly, shaking its body to form a transverse wave with high crests and deep troughs.

“Mom is fine...”I tried to defend mom.

“She is a horrible liar,” the serpent was saying, “Imagine her going around blaming me for that fruit she ate on her ow…”

“She never ate that fruit on her own,” I said now angry at the way the serpent was trying to twist facts.

“Young lady, you were not there for you to argue so emphatically,” it advised.”If you must know Eve came looking for me at my home…”

“Nothing!” I shouted now getting beyond myself, “she found you in the same tree you where tricked her.”

“Who told you that?”

“I heard a pastor in the church say that,” I said now remembering clearly what happened eons back in the Garden of Eden.

“You see,” the serpent said triumphantly, “you also believe hearsay...”

“It is not hearsay,” I was almost chanting the first few chapters of the Bible.

“I took you for an intelligent woman who is objective in all matters, especially where slander is involved,” the serpent said quietly. ‘Ask yourself why Eve sneaked away from her husband in the first place. Did I deceive her to wander away from her snoring husband?”

“How she left Dad is not clear to me,” I said now becoming doubtful.

“See what I am saying,” the serpent blurted out now happily, “Eve’s actions indicate that she had already chosen to be deceived even before we met.”

“But that didn’t give you the right to take advantage of her,” I said, now more like rebuking the ancient reptile.

“Now you see why I am not happy with Eve, ha?”

I was at a loss of words. The serpent seemed to be making sense. If Eve was serious about avoiding deception why would she separate herself from her husband? The serpent didn’t drive her to even think of such a thing, then why blame it? I was still mulling these questions when the serpent added more confusion.

“Did you ask yourself why those two ran away when God came to see them?”

 “No I haven’t even thought of that,” I said my head was now spinning in circles.

“Again you can see the two deciding on their own how to react well in advance,” the serpent was adding more confusion. I could now feel pain like a migraine.

 “I don’t even know what to believe now,” I said giving up.

“You know it is only that you also enjoy attacking people who are not there to defend themselves,” it said pulling out a questionnaire.

“You are just good at spinning tales,” I said now angry that my head was not working properly; it was like it was getting me nowhere.

“I don’t spin tales,” the serpent looked pained. “If you are referring to Eve, she chose what she wanted and I just encouraged her choice. That is different from spinning tales, isn’t it?”