What’s your dream?

Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning.

Gloria Steinem

As a rather unworldly fourteen-year-old growing up in the small town of Bude, North Cornwall, and attending some fairly sheltered schools including a convent school with actual nuns alive and kicking (with an emphasis on the kicking) my mind was absolutely blown the summer I watched Pretty Woman.

I was a week into my nine weeklong stretch of the summer holidays and bored out of my mind. I’d already worked my way through my reading list for my English Literature classes for the start of term and The Mayor of Casterbridge hadn’t really done it for me. Aside from that I was left with plenty of time for dragging my knuckles on the ground and smelling like a teenage boy as I snuck into my brother’s room to ‘borrow’ a quirt of his lynx deodorant. My parents had set me some chores which I begrudgingly did in amongst fighting with my brother and sister. I’d then be dragged to the local Catholic Church, St Peter’s, with my mum, aunty and granny where I’d confess that I’d locked my sister out of my room for reading my diary again and locked my brother in his to stop him breaking into room to read my diary. I don’t know what the appeal was. It was mostly full of ‘I’m so bored. I may die of boredom.’ And ‘I hate school, and I hate that Kelly girl. She’s such a show off.’ That and dreams of dating Keanu reeves when I eventually made it to LA to hang out with him at the Viper Club. There must have been something in the Cornish air because I was seriously deluded. After three Hail Marys and an Our father, the only bit of privacy I had was to take my pocket money to the video shop and hire films with a PG or 12 certificate as per my parents’ instructions. I watched The Goonies and Uncle Buck at least five times.

When my school friend Denise called me one afternoon to ask what I was up to and would I like to spend a few days with her on her parents farm a good thirty-minute drive from my parents, I jumped at the chance and pleaded with my mum to drive me there.

The first morning there, I woke up late and after a full English breakfast, we headed to the local swimming pool. I felt increasingly self-conscious in my unflattering costume. It didn’t help that it appeared all my classmates had bloomed whereas I resembled something not dissimilar to Stig of the dump. Plump and spotty. Everyone seemed to have everything in proportion. I on the other hand had just started my periods and despite being flat chested, my hips seemed to be widening with each passing day. When we got back to the farm, Denise’s older sister Sheila who was sixteen and super cool mentioned to us that she was going to take an excellent video back to the shop later that day, but she had left it in the living room I’d we wanted to watch.

In preparation for viewing, we gathered lots of chocolate biscuits, Kit Kat’s and milk chocolate digestives along with a pot of tea. I had seen some posters for the film in the video shop but the chap in there knew it wouldn’t be something my parents would want me to watch.

What’s your dream?

Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams.

We were silent throughout the whole film. But at the end I turned to Denise who looked more pale than I had seen her look before. She looked more shocked than when our biology teacher, Mrs Kneebone had mentioned the word ‘penis.’ ‘Do you think we’ve got time to watch it again?’ I said unsure of the reply, but Denise didn’t hesitate ‘oh yes, Sheila won’t take it back till just before 5 so let’s do it.’

This time we watched it but chatted throughout adding commentary ‘I want that dress.’ ‘I can’t believe they spoke to her like that.’ ‘Oh, I want to go to the races.’

Towards the end of the film. Denise’s mum knocked on the door. ‘Are you girls feeling peckish? Can you manage a roast in about 20 minutes?’

‘Thank you so much Mrs Shopland that sounds delicious.’

‘Ooh is that, Richard Gere? He is dreamy. I used to wish he’d carry me off into the sunset.’

‘Oh, mum that’s revolting.’ Denise disdainfully replied.

‘We all had our dreams. Ok girls I’ll leave you to it.’

I loved everything about it. From that moment on I always remembered equated a new setting with the possibility of fulfilling your dreams…and maybe meeting your Richard Gere.

For the rest of my stay away from home, I dreamed about losing my virginity to Richard Gere. And then there was Miss Roberts! What to say. I loved everything about her and fantasised that one day I could look like Julia. I wasn’t so keen on her choice of career but as I watched the scene between the characters Viv and kit de Luca where Viv says she wants the fairytale I thought ‘that’s me’. I want the fairytale. It gave me hope that my life would not just involve hanging out with my friend Denise, dunking chocolate biscuits into our tea and maybe one day I wouldn’t have a face full of zits.

After the summer break I returned to St Joseph’s convent school, full of hope. Our first class back was Religious Education and when we were asked to collect a copy of the bible from Mr Hopkins desk one by one, I just couldn’t help but utter ‘work it, work is baby.’ To which Mr Hopkins replied, ‘well I suppose Mary Magdalene had a similar career path to Vivian.’

We would all look bemused, said nothing and then pretended to read our bibles.

The following week at school our English teacher Mrs Sparling who I admired and feared in equal measure set us the challenge of writing an essay imagining we were 21 and what our life was like. I remember writing a piece about travelling the world for the year and on my return eating chicken pilaf and running a fashion boutique with my friend Jo.

My plans so far in life has always been simple. Try not to kill my siblings and ace my exams so I could go to university and maybe one day meet my Richard Gere.

I’d always focused on the present, get through my exams, studies, graduation.

And then in my last term of college, one unexpected evening I had met Luke. In his black DJ, broader and more muscular than any man I had encountered.

I had resisted getting involved with someone in my final year at college because it just wasn’t part of the plan, and I was also worried about losing focus. I would graduate and then try my hand at a career in media. If I got involved with someone, I’d have to think about them and also I was so inexperienced in all matters. My friend Fi and I were such close friends at college and had a similarly closeted upbringing. On our runs around Oxford, the conversation soon turned to sex. Both of us were virgo intacto and regularly discussed ‘doing the deed’. It just seemed like such a messy affair and having grown up in a strict catholic household was convinced I’d get pregnant just by kissing the boys.

Despite trying to keep my distance from Luke he was quite persistent, and I was finding it hard to resist the appeal of being wrapped up in those muscular arms.

He had a habit of reminding me he was there, and he wasn’t going away. After the first night of meeting him in the sweaty establishment, The Purple Turtle in Oxford I had stayed over in his room at Christ church college and on heading back to my college room, later that morning my friend fi came up to me saying ‘I’ve got a delivery for you’ and produced the most beautiful bouquet of flowers with a note saying ‘look forward to seeing you later.’

I would go out running with Fi and he would appear also running with his friend Adrian.

And now I’m away from the gentle surroundings of my own studies living in the small town of Trapani, Sicily and although I am now our of academia, I am employed by a language school and living by the sea which brings me the comfort of my hometown in North Cornwall. I’m missing Luke but surrounded by lots of new friends I have a lot of time to think about what my new plan is.

I’ve just finished my lessons at the Classics high school and am heading back to my flat to change before heading out for pizza with Helen, another teacher at the school. Marie, also a teacher and Helen’s flatmate has gone back to Galway for a few days as her boyfriend couldn’t cope with not seeing her.

As I walked up Via Crispi, I thought about the film I saw last night with my friend Pietro. American beauty. Quite an experience when viewing in Italian. Also, a shame that we mistimed going into the auditorium as I caught a glimpse of Kevin spacey’ s face blood-splattered head staring at the screen.

As I walk towards Rico’s cantina, I can see my lovely friend Helen walking along towards me.

‘Ciao Bella’

‘Aah ciao Bella to you.’

‘You look well darling, like you’ve caught a bit of the sun’

‘Thanks, I’m a bit crispy. I didn’t realise it was heating up so much.’

‘Shall we go in?’

‘Prego signori’

‘Buonasera’

Helen started ‘un tavolo per due?’

‘Prego…’

And the waiter showed us to a table near the window. There was a glorious view out to sea.

‘This is so nice. How are you hels?’

‘I’m ok, lessons are good. I had a sweet lesson with the little ones the other day. They kept saying ‘angeli’ and pointing to my red hair. So sweet.’

‘How are the adult classes?’

‘They’re fine. Marie helped me to plan the next 6 weeks and then we’ll have a chat over Easter about the next term. She’s got a really good way of dividing it all up. It feels so manageable.’

‘I’m so pleased. have you heard from Marie?’

‘Not at all. I think she’ll be in bed the whole time.’

‘Well lucky her.’

‘I know, I do wonder if I should find an Italian lover.’

‘Do you want to?’

‘I don’t know. I wouldn’t want them to be all lovestruck and follow me everywhere…you know like someone you know….’

‘Oh he dosent follow me everywhere.’

‘Oh really? How many times has he called you this week?’

‘oh you know, the usual…usually at lunchtime and then early evening…well that’s if I’m not seeing him for Italian lessons.’

‘Mmm…how was the cinema? Did it get handsy?

‘No although there was one moment where Kevin spaces character gets it on with this young hot cheerleader and as things get spicy, Pietro leaned into me and whispered ‘she’s saying that she’s a virgin. I had to stop myself from laughing. It was pretty obvious what she was saying…some things translate!’

‘So funny. Perhaps it was his way of declaring that he wants to lose his virginity to you?’

‘Oh stop it. Anyway have you heard from Baz?’

‘Nope. Who knows what he’s up to and with whom.’

Helen had been working in a trendy bar in Bath before she left for Sicily and had met a chap who sounded like a total loser. Helen said he had been keen on having a casual relationship.

‘And how’s your mum doing?’

‘She seems fine thank you. I’m just glad to get away. I was finding it all a bit much.’

‘Hels, it’s ok, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’

‘I just wish my parents hadn’t dragged me into their marital woes when I was finishing my studies. I know it’s a strange thing to say but I think mums’ cancer diagnosis made them realise how much they truly love each other.’

‘I’m sure. You’re a wonderful daughter.’

‘Oh thanks, I don’t feel like it. Running away to Trapani.’

‘You’re not running away you’re just having a breather.’

‘Well teaching in Sicily wasn’t part of the plan but it’s brought some wonderful people into my life. What about you darling? Have you thought any more about Pietro’s proposition?’

‘It certainly sounds amazing, but I feel completely torn. I came to Sicily because Luke declared he was going on an adventure around Africa which then prompted me to think about what I wanted to do. I’d always dreamed of living in Italy. I didn’t have a plan and as you say I’ve met some wonderful people. I would love to go and work in Rome for Pietro’s media company and have time to learn Italian. He even has a flat that I can stay in. It just sounds too good to be true and then there is Luke. He’s finding it so hard now he’s back from Africa and living at home. I do miss him but I’m also…this sounds awful…I’m enjoying that I’m the one with all the exciting options.’

‘It is tricky. Rome sounds very appealing.’

‘What about you?’

‘I’ll head home, I’ve got some contacts in telly so do a bit of that and then seriously think about what I was discussing with my parents before I came here was…to retrain and go into medicine. I think I can only resist so long.’

‘Well, I’m sure whatever path you take, you will be amazing.’

‘You are too. We think you’ve got a lot of potential.’

‘Aah. Salute to Pretty woman!’