The Cave

Are you there, God? It’s me… Josh. I know you’re probably busy and I don’t want to bother you too much, but, uh, I’m still stuck in this cave. Remember when we talked the other day, you said after it was over that I would ascend to Heaven. You know, or something like that. Well, I don’t mean to bug you, but it’s been like two days. I can’t say for sure because it’s as black as the pharaoh’s heart in here, but judging by how bored and hungry I am, I would say it's been two days. Which kind of puts me in a bind because I told everyone I would rise in three-days’ time to heaven. I think they’re coming back to check soon.

I don’t blame you, of course… It was probably my fault. I know you’re great and infallible, and have a divine plan for everything. Did you go over that plan with me before I came down? It was so long ago I can’t remember, but I definitely don’t recall the whole ‘being stuck in a cave indefinitely' thing. Anyway, even though I told them I’d be back, they threw me in here with a dirty shroud and then blocked the only exit with this huge boulder thing. Actually, yeah, exactly a boulder. 

Well… as bad as I feel right now, I bet it’s nothing compared to whatever you did to Judas after I was gone. I mean, you killed people for spilling their seed on the ground, and turned that one lady into salt (am I remembering that correctly?), so I’d really hate to see what you do to the guy that betrayed your only son. But, I mean, you can give me a hint or something if you feel like it. 

So, anyway… I was thinking about what we could do when I finally get up to Heaven, you know, and I’m seated at your right hand and all that. Maybe you could take a week off and we can finally spend some time together. I feel like I hardly know you. I mean, Joseph spent way more time talking to me and teaching me things than you ever did. I’m not saying that he was a better father or anything; you definitely did the best you could from all the way up there. And I don’t love him more than you, of course, you're my real dad. And we are actually one God, kind of. Me and you… and the holy ghost. 

I’ve been meaning to ask you, how does that whole ‘holy ghost’ guy fit into all this. You’re my dad, and we are also one. Is he your dad? Is the holy ghost a he? I’m sorry for all the questions, but no one down here really knew what the heck I was talking about. They are actually pretty scared of ghosts. Is a ghost dead? Aren’t all ghosts technically dead? I don’t know, maybe not. I just remember those spooky stories that people tell around the village where dead people haunt the world as ghosts. 

…Maybe that’s the answer!

When they move the boulder to see if I really left this Earth and ascended to Heaven, I can pretend to be a ghost. That shouldn’t be too hard to convince them of, right? I mean, they did see me die (for all the sins of mankind, but that’s no big deal). Oh! I could say that I’m the holy ghost. That’s not really a lie because we are all one, right? I’ll just say, “I have arisen. I am the holy ghost, turn your gaze from me and flee now or face unimaginable wrath.” Yeah, that should do the trick.

Well, maybe I could hang out with some of the disciples for a few days while you get everything ready for me up there. Again, no rush, I’m just excited is all. I could see the four guys who were writing their account of what’s going on. I hear they want to put our adventures together into a new testament. Can you believe that? I’m not only going to be in the new bible, but I’m going to be the main character. How cool is that! I mean, other than you of course. But I mean, you—me, what’s the difference, right? 

I actually had this really neat idea about it that I mentioned to them, I hope they don’t forget. Anytime they are quoting me and writing down something really awesome I said, they could put it in red ink instead of black. So, if someone is flipping through the bible and they want to skip all the boring stuff (no offense), they could look for the red letters and be like, “Hey, I bet that’s important.”

Speaking of the bible, I’ve been meaning to ask you a few things… So, you know how I’ve been told to come to your people and preach tolerance, and kindness, and selfness and stuff. Well, I was just reading some of the things that—No, nevermind. I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m sorry I brought it up. We can talk about it later if you want. I just. We’re the good guys… right? Not just your favored people, but like, actually good and noble? 

I don’t know, ignore my ramblings. It’s just the maddening darkness of the cave and the lack of food and water. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining or anything. Again, just really anxious to get out of this cave and enter your (our?) eternal kingdom. It’s been a bit of a rough month, with the whole crown of thorns, and dragging my own cross up a hill so they could nail me to it. And waiting on the cross and getting poked with spears (mostly the one spear). Ugh, that image of me up there on the cross, I hope that’s not how people remember me…

Anyway, sorry for talking your ear off (You have ears, right?). Hope to see you soon. I love and honor and respect you, and all that. So… anyway, uh, amen (Please come soon).