All Those Thoughts

Oh no... Oh, no, no, no, no...

It shouldn't be like this, what are flowers doing blooming now of all things? There's like no grass and everything is practically mud. So what are you guys even doing? What will you even do later anyway, play grass?! And clearly, there's something wrong with all these people too, "what a nice spring?" Where?... And I quote again... "What?" It's too early?! Is no one literally going to say anything, how it's too early for spring or am I just late? There's still mud everywhere, no grass. The trees are still as brown and naked as ever... Jeeze if I'm late you could have at least tried you weird giant branches. The flowers will die before you even start dressing up yourself in those green lushy leaves of yours that help you breathe. Talk about a held breath of a lifetime... Ugh, good thing no one heard that joke. 

What am I even doing standing and watching a tree like an idiot? At least I look like a cool, aloof person walking in the park looking at nature like I know shit. Yeah, I bet that's how people see me... Of course not, they don't care, they're now all about that mud and birds, and birds and mud these days and fake warmer weather. I mean, are the parts with some left snow invisible to them? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that sees it.

I'm with two jumpers people! And a jacket! It is cold! What are you doing wearing practically nothing...!? Am I the only one still cold!!? Am I some weirdo from Hawaii? I bet at this time even they have snow. Wait... Would they have snow?

No scratch that, why is there a person walking in the pond? Dude you crazy or something?... Ah, wait, sorry jumped to conclusions... I didn't know you threw your own hat into the pond, well I guess your baby sibling did? Ugh...

Yeah, I'm just... gonna go...

It's so weird just walking in a park. Am I the only one who thinks that? Yeah, you breathe fresh air, but can't you do that walking and gazing in the stores all the time? Nah that would just make me want to buy things, but it would be more interesting than just looking at those half-dead trees... Well their not dead their just boring... Agh!...

God damn it, birds!

One just flew right at me! Why!? Sorry if I offended your tree, but seriously? Just keep singing and fly further away, not at me...! Man I hope there isn't like a worm in my hair or something, that would be one awful surprise when I get back.

Really, am I the only one that doesn't see it? Clearly, all these people here walking in circles with their dogs and children enjoying the fresher air like no one else, but what's the difference? From a regular walk in the city... It's even too quiet here. Why would even one enjoy mud and all these already dying flowers who were too early to bloom?... Yes, Bethany! I'm talking to you! Hoooow dare you...

No... You are wrong. I did not name a flower and remembered that certain one in that certain spot after walking for a couple of circles myself, if anyone assumed that, they would consider me crazy... or worst. Weird.

Just look to the side, no one pays attention to you anyway... Just keep walking. Nobody cares... Why is that woman still looking at me?! Just pass me already! No, I did not skip school because of this walk! I'm on spring break! Wait... Even with that, it's practically evening, I would have been out of school anyway... But, who even decided you can walk in all different directions while staying in the park? It's awkward, people! Parks need rules too!

Phew... So weird to pass people here... And here I am, still looking back at her... What is wrong with my eyes that want to see everything?! Yes, yes I did roll my eyes, at myself.

Though I, wonder... What she was thinking about? She did seem rather concerned...

...Don't think about it, just don't think about it, count to three. Not like you are here for the first time. Would pinching myself help? No, no it wouldn't. Now my hand just hurts, that was a terrible decision.

One, two, three...

Oh no, I have to look back. Oh, thank goodness. She's still there. Yes, yes play with all that grass and bugs that came to life to take your attention. I get a sense of peace in my mind for it. Oookay, another round to three. Oh, I hope no one thinks I'm too self-conscious about my daughter... Or too worried? Oh no, am I too worried?

Okay, okay... I'll count till five then... And then look back. One, Two... Oh, what a nice flower... I wonder if the young man who passed me saw it? So pretty.

Really, what a nice spring indeed, I wonder what others think of it? It's always easy to breathe the fresh air around you when you're not surrounded by the busy streets of the city. Where you can keep your gaze on the slow growth of nature. It might not be so visible but it's there. Slowly budding trees preparing for the long-awaited summer and I guess more people? Still a bit far but there's always more preparation to be done, like for me, I guess. With all that piled up laundry. Ugh, I better would think of the scenery before me. How the sun can slowly shine through the branches, how the birds search for material for nesting. Life finally going into play, showing the beauty of the world to us who don't even seem to want to see it. Though I do hope I took out the laundry? No, don't go there. We are not thinking about housework at the moment. We are enjoying nature and getting away from things at the moment. Turn to the next page, next page, that green scuff of grass for example where Hazel was playing near...

Oh no..!

OOoooh no....!

Where's my daughter!?... She was just there! Okay... Just breath. She probably just rolled off a cliff or something or was snatched away by a crow. Oh no, that's what I get for getting my thoughts away from her for even a second! What if she just decided to walk home on her own! I did start showing her the way home too early and showing all those extra places near the house, making her remember the way back. She's just five! What was I thinking?!

Oh...

....Oh, oh thank goodness... Yes, yes that is a nice branch you found there honey.

Just smile and wave to her, just wave and entertain that she wouldn't run off like some scared little animal because you lost her from your path of vision, just waaave and entertain.