A Day at the Park

Ron somberly got in line. He had never liked roller coasters – had always been terrified of them, in fact. This summer was going to have to be different, though. He had to think of Charlie now. He began his process of running through all the figures and statistics he had been looking up: industry insiders put chances of death at around one in 750 million, or about three times less likely than winning a Powerball jackpot, but those people did have a vested interest in pushing out good numbers. He wondered if anybody had given these facts to all the people who had died on roller coasters, and whether it had made them feel any better about getting on. The thought was not bringing him comfort.

Charlie tugged at his sleeve, looking at the space that had opened up in front of them. “We have to move up now, Dad,” he pointed out, as if it was the concept of how a line worked that was giving his father trouble.

“Right, right, lead the way,” Ron managed to say with a brave face. Charlie was only eight, but he loved roller coasters. He had always been tall for his age, so he was able to start riding the tamer ones two years back. Now he was looking forward to rides with names like “Lightning Vortex” and “Green Torpedo”. His thrill-seeking nature clearly came from his mother’s side of the gene pool. She had always been the one to take him on rides before. But now…

Time to move again. The sign at the front had estimated a half hour wait, and they had only been in line for about five minutes. It was the waiting that was really killing him, he thought. If he had just been able to walk right on and get it over with, he wouldn’t have a chance to be worried. Making him sit here and sweat it out was just sadistic, really. He had to try a new approach.

“Getting excited?” he asked Charlie. Maybe his enthusiasm would rub off.

“Yeah! I can’t wait for the double loop! Logan said he almost threw up!”

“That’s a good thing?” This strategy was not working out the way he’d hoped.

“Duh! C’mon Dad, you’re gonna love it.”

“Well, you’re gonna love it, and that’s what’s important,” he said, as much to himself as to Charlie.

They moved up again. The line doubled back on itself a few times, and they were now three rows in from where they started. The deeper they went, the more trapped Ron felt. He started to wring his hands.

“Hey,” he heard a voice say. He looked up and saw a woman in the next row looking concerned. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just not a big fan of roller coasters, is all.”

“Well don’t be sorry about that! They’re not for everyone. What are you doing in line, then?”

Ron glanced at Charlie, who was busy watching some clip about the ride on the screens that littered the queue. The woman followed his gaze and seemed to understand.

“Ah, got it. You must be an excellent father. Or uncle, or babysitter – sorry, I didn’t mean to assume.”

“No, you were right, Charlie’s my son. He loves these kinds of things, so here I am,” he said with a shrug.

“That’s so sweet,” she said, giving him a smile. The line began to move in front of her as she spoke. “Well, I’m Lisa. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” She smiled again and walked forward, out of conversation range. Soon, Ron and Charlie were moving too, going further in the other direction.

“Who was that?” Charlie asked.

“I don’t know. Just a nice woman.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk to strangers?”

“You’re not supposed to, Char. When you’re an adult, it’s allowed.”

They rounded the corner into the next row, and were now in the same one as Lisa. Ron considered her offer, and then stopped himself. He didn’t want to be any more of a burden, or draw any more attention to himself than he already was. He’d be happy to talk with her again – he welcomed the distraction – but he wasn’t going to ask her for any kind of help. He had to start learning to overcome these things on his own.

Lisa had made it to the next row and was now coming toward them again. Ron examined her as she approached. She seemed to be here alone, or at least wasn’t interacting with anyone else around her. She was tall and pretty, a brunette with striking green eyes. Close to his age, maybe a little younger. Her expensive-looking bag said that she must have a good job – or maybe a boyfriend. Definitely no husband though; she wasn’t wearing a ring.

“Hey! Any ideas?” she asked as their paths finally crossed again.

“I think just having someone to talk to is helping, if you don’t mind,” he answered gently.  

“Sure! What do you want to talk about?”

“Oh, anything. Whatever you want,” he said, thinking too late that all this accomplished was to put the conversational pressure on her.

“Hm. Okay. In that case, I’m just curious – and don’t take this the wrong way, I think what you’re doing is great – but isn’t there anyone else who could take him on the ride for you? Self-sacrifice doesn’t have to be your first option, you know.”

Ron turned away. “That used to be his mom’s job. I would stay on a bench or something, get him a corn dog and wait by the exit.” He could feel himself starting to tear up. This had been a bad idea. “She died last November. Car accident. This is our first summer without her.”

Lisa’s expression couldn’t decide between mortified and concerned. “Oh my god, I am so sorry. I did not mean to bring that up. We can talk about anything else if you want.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” He was crying now. At least he wasn’t thinking about the damned coaster. “We just miss her so much.” Charlie reached out and took his hand.

The line had moved in front of her, but Lisa either hadn’t noticed or was ignoring it. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure she was a special woman.”

“Thanks. I think you better move before we start a riot.” The crowd behind her was starting to grow restless, seeing the open space in front of them. “We can catch up in the next row.”

“Yeah, sure, of course. Talk to you then.”

Ron watched her walk away, embarrassed that he had started crying. When would it stop hurting so bad? Did he even want it to? All of his therapists, amateur and professional, had drilled into him that he had to move on with his life, for his sake and for Charlie’s. But a world where he didn’t hurt felt like a world where he didn’t care. “Move on” felt like it was just a polite way of saying “forget,” and he wasn’t sure he could do that. This was the first time he had allowed himself to even imagine the possibility of being with someone else, and he had already managed to blow that by crying about his dead wife – not exactly a great pick-up line.

Charlie let go of his hand. “I don’t want to go on the ride any more, Dad.”

Ron laughed to himself. “No, Charlie, that’s okay. You didn’t do anything. We can get on the ride.”

“I don’t want you to be sad.”

“I won’t be, as long as you’re having fun. Come on, let’s keep moving.”

It wasn’t long before they had caught up to Lisa again. “I wanted to apologize again-“ she started, but Ron cut her off.

“It’s fine. I promise. I’m just a little stressed and it’s manifesting in weird ways. Let’s try and get back to having fun.” He tried to tousle Charlie’s hair for emphasis, but Charlie pulled away in mock embarrassment. At least, he thought it was mock. It was getting harder to tell.

Lisa looked hesitant but relieved. “About that, actually…I’ve been thinking. If it would make you feel any better, I could take Charlie with me so you wouldn’t have to ride.” She gave a weak smile, as if she suspected this was too familiar. “You could wait by the exit with a corn dog if you wanted to.” At this, her smile flirted with turning sly.

Ron entertained it, briefly. But he knew this was something he had to do himself.

“I appreciate that, I’m just not sure if Charlie would. And in any case, there won’t always be someone like you around. I’d better get this over with now.”

“Understood. I just wanted to give you the option.”

“Well thanks again for the offer, that’s very kind of you. But since I’ll be getting on, despite your best efforts, got any tips for me?”

“Grin and bear it?” Her smile was definitively in sly territory now.

“I’ll be sure to give that a try.” The line started to move once more. “I expect some real tips from you when we get back around!”

“That was a real tip!” she said playfully as they separated.

Too late, he realized they wouldn’t be getting back around; Lisa had been standing in the last row before the line reached a staircase to the loading platform. He felt a pang of sadness. By the time they made it to the platform, she would have already gotten off and gone back into the park. They probably wouldn’t cross paths again. He felt silly for feeling sad; they had only shared, what, three fragments of a conversation? One of which had made him cry? Yet, he couldn’t help but feel like they had had a connection. He should have asked for her number, or for her to wait at the exit. Something. Even if it didn’t go anywhere, at least he’d be able to know that he had tried. That would have been a big step. Oh well. At the very least, she had helped him get through this line. Maybe that was all he needed.

As they approached the staircase themselves, the reality of the situation came back to him. They were only minutes away now. He changed his mind about the waiting being the worst part; waiting was a refuge. He would happily wait all day if he could. Seeing Charlie’s excitement grow as they got closer was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“Look! You can see the loops!” Charlie shouted as they took another step. Ron started wringing his hands again.

Finally they reached the top of the staircase. They walked through the turnstile – no turning back now – and the platform opened up to many smaller lines for specific seats. Ron prayed that the long line for the front row would deter Charlie from going that route.

“Hey! There’s that nice lady again!”

Ron looked, and sure enough, there was Lisa, walking toward them from somewhere off to the side of the platform.  

“I figured if you really wanted to go yourself, maybe I could ride with the both of you! Hope you don’t mind?”

For the first time since he had gotten in line, Ron felt relaxed. “Of course not.”

He still felt nauseous as their train started climbing the track. He suspected that might never go away. He felt his son take his hand in support while they rose. And then, cautiously, he felt Lisa do the same. He let out a smile and then a scream as they dropped into the fury.