Finding Mark

“It’s just to help me sleep better, so it can’t be that bad.” Cynthia said out loud as she was carefully pruning her tomato plants. She had been growing her own food for over a decade now, and her hands flowed like a well-choreographed dance as she trimmed. Still, her thoughts weren’t on her current task. She had a black box in her bedroom that she was dreading opening.

For the last three years, Cynthia had been plagued by the same nightmare. She would fall asleep fine, but then wake in a sweat and a panic. Mark, Cynthia’s husband, went missing almost 4 years ago. When she fell asleep, she still heard his voice. Sometimes she would see his face too. He always looked calm but said the same thing every time.

“Cynthia, find me.”

Cynthia would wake up every time in a panic that she had never found Mark, and struggle to go back to sleep. She never got more than about 3-4 hours of sleep a night now. She tried every natural sleep aid she could figure out, but nothing helped. After a few months, she had sharp migraines that never got better.

Cynthia and Mark lived a very natural lifestyle and usually could find what they needed to treat injuries or illnesses in their garden or the woods around their house. She made herself a tea out of willow bark, peppermint, and ginger that would numb the pain, but the pressure never went away.

One day she was sitting and talking with her sister Julia, and Cynthia collapsed onto the floor and blacked out for a few minutes. By the time she woke up, Julia had called an ambulance and the EMT’s were talking to Cynthia.

“What is your name, ma’am?” One of them asked slowly.

“Cynthia,” she responded right away.

“Do you know where you are?” he continued.

“At my sister’s house,” she said with a defensive tone.

“Can you tell me how many fingers I am holding up?” he asked.

She leaned back as he thrust his hand towards her face.

“Three,” she snapped back pushing his hand away as she sat up.

“Don’t move ma’am, we need to make sure nothing is broken,” The EMT ordered.

Cynthia shook her head. “I am fine, just tired,” she replied.

“Cyn, you are not fine,” Julia retorted. Cynthis turned to see her sister sitting on the floor next to her. “Let them take you in to get checked at least.”

“No!” Cynthia snapped back. “I won’t go to a doctor.”

Cynthia had not been to a physician in years. She didn’t trust all the machines, tests, and other devices they used to diagnose and treat people. Cynthia and Mark worked hard to create a life that was in harmony with nature and found a big part of that for them was avoiding modern technology as much as possible.

Cynthia still had a cell phone, but rarely had it on her. She did have a laptop and basic internet as well, but beyond that she lived a fairly tech-free life.

“Cynthia, either you let them take you or you let me take you,” Julia demanded as the EMT’s examined Cynthia.

Whether it was because of the stabbing migraine pain, or the anxiety of being surrounded by first responders who wouldn’t leave her only, Cynthia’s willpower crumbled.

“Fine, you can take me,” she mumbled.

“There are no obvious injuries, and it should be safe to move her. She needs to be checked by a physician as soon as possible.” Cynthia was irritated that one of the EMTs was talking to her sister like she wasn’t there. Julia nodded and then the EMT came and knelt in front of Cynthia.

“You need to be seen by a doctor right away, ok?” The EMT was nodding his head as he spoke like it would convince Cynthia to agree with him.

Cynthia turned her head back towards her sister and ignored him. The EMT leaned close to Cynthia and whispered, “If you go to Dr. Nabul, you will find him.”

Cynthia jerked her head back and saw the EMT stand up and write on his clipboard.

“What did you say?” she demanded.

“That you need to be seen by a doctor right away.” he replied taken aback by her tone.

“By which doctor?” she pried.

“Whomever you choose, ma’am.” The other EMTs had packed their equipment and started to head towards the door.

“But, what about Dr. Nabul?” She said sitting up more.

“Um…if that’s who you want to see, then call his office and get an appointment.” The EMT tore a piece of paper off his clipboard and handed it to Julia.

Cynthia stared at him as he left and as soon as the door was shut, she stood up and yanked the paper out of Julia’s hand.

“Cyn! What has come over you?” Julia responded shocked.

“He told me I would find Mark,” Cynthia replied hastily as she scanned the document for any mention of Dr. Nabul, finding him, or Mark.

“Cyn!” Juli yelled and yanked the paper out of her hand tearing it. “We are going now, get in the car.”

Cynthia started to wonder if she was hallucinating from the sleep deprivation and felt embarrassed acting so rash.

“Ok, let’s go,” Cynthia said defeated.

As they were driving, Julia did her best to reassure her sister that it would all be ok, but Cynthia was lost in her own thoughts about how real the EMT’s words had seemed.

“Cyn, are you even listening to…”

“Can I see your phone,” Cynthia asked interrupting her sister. Curiosity had finally won, and she decided she would look up Dr. Nabul.

“Why do I even try?” Julia replied exasperated and handed her phone to Cynthia.

“Because you love me,” Cynthia responded immediately without looking up from the phone.

“What are you doing?” Julia asked trying to monitor her sister while staying focused on the road in front of her.

“Just a second,” Cynthia replied as she struggled to use the search bar and typed one letter at a time slowly. D – r - . – N – a – b – u -

Before she even finished typing the whole name, a suggested search popped up that said, “Dr. Nabul, Cynthia, find me.”

Cynthia gasped and dropped the phone on the floor. Julia was startled and swerved for a second.

“What are you doing?” Julia asked.

“Did you see that?” Cynthia pointed a shaky finger at the phone on the floor as she spoke.

“See what?” Julia replied.

“They are in my head. I knew it. They already know everything about all of us.” Cynthia said panicked as she started to cry.

“Who?” Julia asked worried.

“Them! Big brother, the tech companies.” Cynthia was now sobbing in shock and fear.

Julia pulled into a park and ride, rushed out of the driver’s seat, and ran around to the passenger door. She opened it, picked up the phone off the floor and wrapped her arms around Cynthia.

“Shhh, it’s ok, no one is in your head,” Julia comforted.

Cynthia knew Julia didn’t get it but was too shaken to argue and just put her head down on her sister’s shoulder and sobbed.

After a few minutes when she was calmer, Julia let go and held the phone up so they both could see the screen.

“What did you see, Cynthia?” Julia asked in gentle tone.

“Search for Dr. Nabul,” Cynthia instructed shakily.

Julia swiped Dr. Nabul into the search bar and a suggestion popped up, “Dr. Nabul, the sleep specialist.”

“That’s not what it said!” Cynthia yelled smacking the phone out of Julia’s hand. Cynthia started to feel like she was going crazy. Julia sighed, walked over to her phone, and picked it up off the asphalt. Julia shook her head running her finger over the new crack in her screen.

“I’m sorry,” Cynthia said defeated now sure she was hallucinating.

“Cyn, let’s get you the help you need,” Julia replied in a soft tone, putting a hand on her sister’s shoulder.

Neither sister spoke during the rest of the drive to Dr. Nabul’s office. When they arrived, Julia went around to her sister’s door and helped her to her feet. Cynthia’s objections to seeing a doctor was completely overshadowed by the new fears of losing her mind completely.

Julia helped Cynthia, who was still shaking, sit down next to the rack of informational pamphlets before going up to the intake desk. Cynthia’s mind was racing with the EMT’s whisper and what she read in the search bar and with the migraine pain, she had no energy to process anything that her sister and the receptionist were saying.

“It will take a little while, but he will see you today,” Julia announced with a relieved tone.

Cynthia nodded sadly. After 30 minutes of being lost in thoughts of crazy hallucinations, Cynthia longed for a distraction and grabbed one of the pamphlets on the top of the rack. She scanned over the front fold talking about Dr. Nabul and his innovations into improving sleep with little interest. Then she opened the fold.

“Cynthia, find me. I am waiting.”

Cynthia threw the pamphlet across the waiting room and started sobbing again.

Julia immediately wrapped her arms around her sister. “What happened?” she asked lovingly.

“I am not crazy!!” Cynthia yelled.

“No, you’re not,” Julia assured her, holding tighter.

“That pamphlet said the same thing as my nightmares,” Cynthia announced breaking free from Julia’s embrace and marching over to the pamphlet.

Julia walked calmly over to her sister as she stood over the pamphlet glaring. Julia carefully picked it up and started slowly reading the words on the front. Frustrated, Cynthia grabbed the pamphlet and opened the fold.

“Right there!” she pointed to where she saw the words.

“You can find peace in sleep again. A better sleep is waiting for you with the help of our patented Deep Sleep Band.”

“No!” Cynthia screamed, grabbed the pamphlet, and tore it in half.

“Cynthia, calm down!” Julia yelled.

Cynthia looked up and saw a scared child being comforted by his mom across the room. Floods of guilt and embarrassment washed over her, and Cynthia ran out of the clinic sobbing again.

“Just give us a minute,” Julia assured the receptionist as she rushed to follow her sister. Cynthia sat on the curb sobbing while Julia held her and did her best to comfort her. After a few minutes when

Cynthia started to gain some composure, the receptionist stepped out.

“Dr. Nabul said he will see you right away,” She informed in a soft tone.

“Thank you,” Julia replied.

Cynthia looked up at the nicely dressed receptionist. “I’m not crazy, really,” she explained desperately.

“I am sure you’re not, ma’am,” the receptionist replied holding her hand out to help Cynthia stand. Cynthia struggled to her feet with Julia and the receptionist’s help, and they both escorted her into one of the examination rooms.

The room was painted to look like the night sky, and there was a fully made bed with soft pillows and a comforter off to one side. Other than that, there were a couple other chairs and a white band hanging on a hook above the bed.

“Please lie down on the bed,” the receptionist instructed Cynthia.

As Cynthia sat on the edge of the bed, she realized that every muscle in her body was sore, and the headache was worse than it had ever been. She started to cry again, this time more from the physical pain.

Julia helped her lie down as she kept sobbing. Cynthia had no clue how much or little time passed before the doctor came in, but it felt like an eternity to her.

“Cynthia, I am Dr. Nabul,” A thick Indian accent finally shook her from her tears and back to her surroundings. The man on the chair next to her was old with a long white beard and long white hair. He wore a bright purple shirt and a jacket that was covered in colorful flowers.

Cynthia was so surprised at his appearance, that she was sure she was hallucinating again and refused to respond.

“She’s had a really rough day,” Julia offered nervously.

“I am sure she has, that is too bad, I am so sorry,” Dr. Nabul said in response to Julia. Cynthia was relieved that Julia was responding to Dr. Nabul, because it meant her mind hadn’t created this strange doctor.

“I am not crazy,” Cynthia said in a cracking voice.

“Oh, I know you are not, no worries there,” Dr. Nabul assured excitedly.

Even though it felt relieving to hear she wasn’t crazy from someone else, Cynthia was worried that he hadn’t even examined her before concluding that.

“Please will you step out of the room, miss,” Dr. Nabul said to Julia as he rolled his chair closer to the bed.

“What are you going to do?” Julia asked nervously.

Dr. Nabul sighed. “I am going to help your sister with her nightmares and sleep issues, of course.” He said impatiently.

“Uh…ok,” Julia replied as the receptionist escorted her out and closed the door.

“Do you know what this is?” Dr. Nabul asked grabbing the white circular band off the hook above her.

Cynthia just shook her head.

“This is the patented Deep Sleep Band. It will make sure you are not plagued by nightmares ever again.” He informed cheerfully.

Ever again sounded unrealistic to Cynthia and she started to get nervous.

“How does it work?” Cynthia asked timidly.

“It responds to the subconscious brain waves and emits a frequency that regulates the waves while you sleep so that you find peace in your rest.” Dr. Nabul spoke with the excitement of an inventor selling his new gadget on an infomercial.

“All you are going to do is place this on your head when you go to bed, and you will find what you need to.” Cynthia wondered if Dr. Nabul was actually using the word find as much as it seemed or if she was starting to hallucinate again. Either way, her headache was now so bad that she couldn’t focus on any thought real or hallucinatory.

“In the meantime, let’s take care of that headache.” Dr. Nabul pulled a syringe out of his pocket and uncapped the needle. Normally Cynthia would object, but she didn’t have the energy anymore. Her muscles were so sore, she barely felt when the needle pierced her skin. Within a few minutes, though, her migraine was gone. She had not been this clear headed in years.

“Maybe I will be ok,” she thought as she sat up.

Dr. Nabul opened the door and held his hand out to motion Cynthia through it.

“You can go now,” he instructed.

Cynthia got up, walked out the door, and the turned back quickly and muttered and thank you. Dr. Nabul didn’t seem to notice. She met Julia at the receptionist desk again and the lady behind the desk was already typing vigorously.

“Come back if the band stops working or you experience any strange side effects,” she instructed as she typed.

When she finished, she grabbed a white box off a stack next to her and handed it to Cynthia.

“Sweet dreams,” she said with a smile as Cynthia took the box.

“I am so sorry, Jules,” Cynthia broke the awkward silence that had permeated the first 15 minutes of the drive home.

“You seem better,” Julia replied in an almost snarky tone.

“Yeah, he gave me a shot,” Cynthia responded with a drop in her voice.

“Of what?” Julia asked.

“I don’t know,” Cynthia replied sadly.

“What, my sister not questioning what a doctor gave her?” Julia questioned mockingly.

Cynthia rolled her eyes and they returned to awkward silence.

“What is that?” Julia finally asked pointing at the box on Cynthia’s lap.

“It’s a band I wear at night to help me sleep better,” Cynthia replied.

“Well, I hope it works,” Julia said.

“Me too,” Cynthia replied, feeling guilty for all the hell she put Julia through.

After saying goodbye to her sister, Cynthia went home and decided to take advantage of the first time in a while she wasn’t plagued by incessant migraines by taking care of her garden. After clipping the last tomato plant, Cynthia wheeled the scraps over to the mulch pile and dumped them.

Everything she did that night was like she was on auto pilot. She was grateful to not be in pain right now, but worried about a device that would change her brain waves.

“Maybe I’ll just use it for a little while until I get into the habit of sleeping better,” she finally justified to herself and got ready for bed.

She pulled the white band out of the box. There were no buttons or switches, it was just a white band. She picked up the instruction manual, all it said was, “Put it on and lie down, that’s it.” Cynthia could almost hear Dr. Nabul’s thick accent as she read the simple instructions.

She placed in around her head and was surprised how snuggly it fit. She then lied down carefully and closed her eyes.

It must have been only seconds before she was fast asleep.

In her dreams, Cynthia was walking down a familiar street in her small rural town, towards a familiar café. She walked in and up to a familiar table where she sat in front of a fresh cream cheese danish and a cup of chai tea. She looked into Mark’s eyes for the first time in years.

“You finally found me, Cynthia, I’ve been waiting here a long time.” He reached out and grabbed her hand tenderly as he spoke.

“Mark,” she said with a tender whimper in her voice and found herself unable to say anything else.