Palace in the Sky

   After spending twenty-five years here in the family home, it was just about time to leave for good. The walls barren of all the old family photos, now carefully packed and in the moving truck. All furniture gone, either donated to charity, or also in the truck. For our last “official” dinner last night, we had take-away from the Chinese place up the street as all the dishes were packed or donated as well. Same with all the rest of the stuff I had accumulated in the two and a half decades under this roof. I complete one final check in all the rooms to make sure that all the windows are closed and locked, lights turned off, and nothing left behind. Satisfied, I pick up my backpack and the small red cooler and slowly head for the front door. I lock the door behind me and amble around to the backyard. There, in the huge tree in the center of the yard is the treehouse our dad made when we first moved in. I don’t remember much of the actual construction of the house, just me and my brother wanting to help build it but getting in the way more often than not. But before long, it was complete, furnished even, and to our young eyes it was a palace in the sky. I remember being almost too small to climb the stairs he built leading up to the palace. When we got up to the small “porch,” Dad was already up there with a ribbon tied in front of the door, and he was holding a pair of scissors that my brother and I used to cut the ribbon and officially open the palace. He had an old battery-operated radio up there playing a fanfare, and Mom had made us snacks and had laid them out on one of the small tables. It was quite a big deal for both of us as none of our friends had treehouses (yet, anyway) and we each had our own spaces within to decorate any way we wanted. My décor was usually anything pink, rainbows, unicorns, pictures of cute boys from the teen magazines. My brother’s color scheme was usually black or blue, and he almost always had pictures of sports, rock stars or half naked girls donning his walls. We often had squabbles about which wall belonged to whom, and who’s friends were coming over to play in the palace, or who’s turn it was to clean up. As we got older, our guests were fewer, and the games played were less about winning, and more about how far we were willing to go with our dates. We even hung a “do not disturb” sign we swiped from a hotel on a family road trip on the front door. I was only seventeen when I used the sign the night Bobby Michaels and I had sex for the first time. It was sweet, and clumsy, and over quicker than I was expecting, but I was still glad to have had that experience. Come to think of it, Bobby was the only one I had sex with in the palace. I once asked my brother if he ever had sex up there, but he laughingly refused to give me a straight answer.

    I gingerly climb the stairs to the palace in the sky and hang the weathered sign on the rusted nail. Already, I can feel the sweat starting to drip in the heat of the climbing summer sun. I open the little door and see my boyfriend Jake O’Brien looking like a giant, sitting cross-legged in the corner of what was once my brother’s section. He’s on his cell phone talking to our new landlady, assuring her that we will meet her at the new place first thing tomorrow morning to get the keys. As he talks, I can’t help but stare at him and smile at how lucky I am that his sister Sarah introduced us just a few months ago. She had been seeing the same oncologist as my brother, and he came to get her on her last day. The contrast between the siblings is almost comical. At 6’5”, muscular build, and short curly red hair; Jake was quite the opposite of her slight, frail frame, hair shaved, but just starting to grow back in. Both have the deepest, brightest green eyes that are unmistakably O’Brien’s. Sarah and I always chatted in the waiting room, or down in the cafeteria, and we would each talk about our respective brothers. On her last day of chemo, Jake came out to the clinic and joined in the little celebration they were throwing for her. As the party wound down, she rang the “last day of chemo” bell, and Jake pushed her wheelchair through the sea of clinic staff all saying their last good-byes. I walked out to their car and gave her a brief hug before she got in. I turned to wheel the chair back inside when Jake enveloped me in a huge bear hug. He thanked me for lifting up her spirits and for keeping her company when the family couldn’t be there. He handed me his business card and asked if I would please stay in touch with him. I waited three days before gaining enough courage just to text, but coincidentally, Jake texted right before I could hit send. Our relationship started out like most, texting all the time, the occasional call, sharing amusing pictures, stories and memes online. Eventually we started going on dates, much to Sarah’s “I told you so” delight. It wasn’t much later that he asked me to move in with him. My house had just been sold, and Jake lived in a tiny studio apartment, so we found something better suited for us.

    Finishing the call, he looks over at me, rolling his eyes and grinning. “Man, I thought Mrs. Olsen was never going to stop talking!” He says as he puts down the phone. I stow the gear in the opposite corner and give him a brief kiss. “Oh behave, she’s just lonely, and looking forward to having my Irish giant looking out for her.” I open two water bottles, and hand him one. We have a light lunch and talk about the adventures my brother and I had in the palace. The walls have long since lost their color, and the outline of posters are faded, but still barely visible. The furniture Dad made long since outgrown and discarded. Now, we have unrolled a thick dark blue blanket and a couple of pillows. I walk to the porch, Jake crawls over and we sit, feet dangling over the side. I reach in the backpack and take out a shoe-box. I open the lid and take out a rookie card in a plastic cover. I brush off some nonexistent dust and hand it to Jake. “Now, don’t laugh, but when he found out that the mighty Jake O’Brien is Sarah’s sister, he made me go through all his football cards until he found yours. I think he was going to ask for your autograph but was embarrassed.” Jake stared down at the image of his younger self. Proudly wearing his uniform but still trying to look tough for the camera. “Wow, I haven’t seen one of these in ages. I don’t even think my family still has theirs. I would have been humbled to sign this for him.” I choked out a chuckle, “we can hang it in the bedroom. You can still sign it if you’d like. He also wanted you to have this.” I handed him a small framed photograph of my brother and Sarah side by side in one of the recovery rooms. “She asked me to take it after she found out that she was almost clear. I don’t think they were ever romantic, but he really loved her.” Jake took the frame and smiled. “Yeah, everybody falls in love with her. She’s just got this energy that envelopes you, and you can’t help it. Thank you for these.” We both clear our throats and drink some more water. The sun isn’t as high now, but the air is still and quite warm. “Okay, what else do we have in here?” I reach in and pull out some old pictures. “Let’s see… These are of the palace in various stages of construction. Oh, and here’s a shot of our mom painting my side. God, that pink is nauseating! Here’s one of his senior prom. He looked so dashing in that rental. His date ended up going home with some other guy, so we egged her car that night.” We both laughed at that. I went through the rest of the stack a little quicker now. Wasn’t sure how much longer I could go on before the floodgates burst open. There was a note in the shoe-box that was just for me. I apologized to Jake and told him that I wanted to read it later alone. He understood, and then there were only two items left. The first was a brown bag with a bottle of champagne in it along with two plastic flutes. My brother and I were going to come up to the palace and drink it once he got out of the clinic. The second bag had a handful of his ashes in it. Dreading this part but grateful that Jake was there to support me, I let him open the champagne and fill the flutes. We poured out some in his honor and took a couple of sips before taking out some of the ashes. “I never got the chance to hang out with you outside the clinic but am so grateful for all your kindness to Sarah,” Jake said as he scattered his small bit of the ashes. I cleared my throat and swallowed hard. “I miss you so much already, but I know you’re much happier now.” I sprinkle the rest over the side and the slightest of breezes picks up the ashes before they fall gently to the ground. We finish off the rest of our cups and Jake closes the bottle before putting his arm around me. We watch the sun set one final time in the palace before either of us are able to speak. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ravenous,” Jake whispered. I nod in agreement. “Yeah, I could eat. How about that little diner on 6^th?”

    The meal was decent enough and the night air, which had cooled a little bit felt refreshing. Back in the palace, we talked a bit more, listened to the radio, singing along quite badly to the songs we knew. Jake was on his back, head propped up on his arm. I sat up and looked at him. “Would you think any less of me if I said that I needed you? Like, right now?” He gently pulled me on top of him and kissed me. “Never,” he answered quietly. We made love slowly and tenderly, and it was wonderful. We fell asleep shortly after and arose to the sun already awake and blazing. Jake rolled up the blanket and carried it along with the pillows to the door. “I’ll be down in a minute,” I said opening my brother’s note. He smiled and kissed the top of my head. “Take all the time you need,” he replied as he descended the old staircase. I waited until he was completely down before reading it.

    “My dear baby sister. Well, kiddo, looks like you’re the last one. Wish there were a prize I could give you, but I guess this note will have to do, ha-ha. Jake seems like a really good man and I know that he’ll treat you right. I’m sorry that neither Dad nor I will be able to walk you down the aisle or that Mom isn’t there to help you plan the wedding should you marry him. It isn’t fair, but few things in this world are, as you are all too aware. I don’t want to get too mushy, but I need to let you know that I am so proud to be your brother, always have been, even when you broke my model airplane. Yeah, I knew it was you! Random squirrel my ass! Don’t dwell too much on all that you’ve lost. Keep us fondly in your thoughts, but always keep looking forward! Maybe go back to nursing school like you always wanted but couldn’t cause some inconsiderate jerk got cancer. My bad!! Gonna have to sign off now. This pen weighs about three tons. Just know that I love you and when you start feeling down, look up and I’ll be smiling down from this new palace in the sky.”